


The One

by megank49



Category: Supernatural
Genre: F/M, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Implied/Referenced Suicide, M/M, Marriage, Marriage Proposal, Past Abuse, Pregnancy, Unplanned Pregnancy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-16
Updated: 2016-08-13
Packaged: 2018-06-02 12:34:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 36
Words: 55,334
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6566374
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/megank49/pseuds/megank49
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Emma has been hunting with the Winchester Brothers for a year when something begins developing between her and Sam. Will their relationship survive the pain they are to face?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Emma's POV

I hear my cell phone ring. I roll over in my bed, look at the caller ID and see it’s mom. She always forgets about the time difference.  
“Hello?”  
“Hi honey, how are you doing?”  
I skip the part about being exhausted because it is one am and say, “I’m doing good.”  
“I was just calling to tell you I think I may know what you are hunting.”  
I reach onto my nightstand and grab a piece of paper and a pen. “Alright, I’m ready.”  
“Rhakshasa.”  
I have never heard the word before. “A what?”  
“It’s Hindu spirit that feeds on human flesh. It’s a shapeshifter, can only enter a home after being invited, and can be killed by a knife of pure brass.”  
I click my pen closed. “Thanks mom, you’re the best.”  
“I love you baby. Be safe.”  
“I always am and I love you too.”  
I hang up and look over the list. The only thing on the list I can take care of right now is the brass knife. I open my door, head down the hall, and open the last door on the left.  
I am shocked to see the light already on.  
“Sam, what are you doing in here?” I ask.  
The exceedingly tall, shaggy haired man turns around in his chair. “Research.”  
“In the weapons storage room?”  
“Yeah I was just matching some of the weapons to this catalogue book I found.” He holds the book up in the air and I nod.  
“Does it say anything about brass knives?” I lean over his shoulder, which rarely happens even though I am an inch shy of six feet.  
“Why? Did your mom call?” He flips the pages until he lands on the one with an entry reading pure brass knife.  
“Yeah. She said it was something called a Rhaka…” I trail off, not remembering the full name of the creature. “Anyways, it’s a Hindu shapeshifter that eats humans and can only be killed by a pure brass knife.”  
Sam pushes his chair back, causing me to stumble a bit. He doesn’t notice, bending down and pulling open a small drawer. “How about this?”  
“Yeah that would work.” I take the knife from him, studying the swirls engraved into the blade.  
“So do we know where or what this thing is masquerading as?”  
I shake my head no. “I am going to look into it tomorrow.”  
“Emma, people could be dying right now.” Sam grabs my arm to prevent me from leaving.  
“Sam, I need my sleep. Look into it yourself.”  
Sam lets go of my arm and I walk back to my room. I sink into my bed knowing I was rude, but also knowing that Sam understands I get that way when I’m tired.  
…….  
I wake up to the sound of knocking on my door.  
“Go away.”  
“Get up, we figured out who this son of a bitch is.” Dean’s voice booms through the door.  
I roll over and pick my glasses up from the side of the bed. I blink a few times, trying to clear my eyes and mind. I had a nightmare, which although common for me, can still sometimes leave me shaken. Last night I dreamed that Alex saw me outside the bunker going for a walk and he chased me home, throwing small knives made out of words at me. I haven’t seen him in over six years and he still gets to me once in a while.  
The door opens and Dean walks in. “I said, let’s go.”  
“I’m coming.” I throw a pillow at him, while planting my feet on the floor. “Now get out so I can get dressed.”  
“Geez Em, no need to get snippy.” Dean takes a sip from the steaming mug he is holding and runs his hand through his short brown hair. He turns, closing the door behind him.  
I open my closet, grabbing a grey top with the words cute enough to stop your heart and skilled enough to restart it. Rose, my little sister thought it was the perfect gift for my college graduation. “You’re officially a nurse, so you need a nursing shirt.”  
I get dressed and head to my bathroom. I wash my face, put in my contacts, and rub in some tinted moisturizer. I pull my curly brown hair back into a bun, securing it with a hair tie, adding a pink bow for extra cuteness.  
“Emma get your butt out here or we will leave without you.” Dean’s voice calls.  
I grab my phone and a toothbrush, squirting on a bit of toothpaste. I jam the toothbrush into my mouth and stroll down to the kitchen.  
Sam hands me a granola bar, coffee mug, and two pills that are for the migraine I know I am going to have due to going to bed at one and getting up at six. Unlike the Winchesters, I need a somewhat decent sleep schedule.  
“Wow, you really are ready to leave.” I say through the toothbrush, a bit of toothpaste falling off my lip and onto the ground.  
Dean rolls his eyes and we all head out to the impala. Sam takes shotgun, while I settle into the back seat. I down my pills, coughing when one gets stuck.  
“So, what are we doing?” I take a bit of the granola bar and groan when I realize it is one of those all natural nut and berry ones that Sam likes. “This is gross.”  
“Too bad princess.” Dean retorts. “The Rhakshasa is disguising itself as a prostitute. All the case files link each victim to a one-night stand on the night of his death.”  
“So that’s how the Rhakshasa get’s invited in. Clever.” I shove more of the granola bar into my mouth.  
Another few bites and I finish eating my breakfast, while the brothers’ get in a fight over what station to play. Dean likes 98.7 the classic rock station, where as Sam likes 103.5 the sort of pop mixed with oldies station.  
I look out the window, scarcely believing I have officially been on the road with these two for a year now. I remember meeting them when I was in high school. They came over for mom and dad’s help with a case. My parents’ aren’t hunters, but they are researchers. They know anything and everything about the monsters the boys hunt. I joined them for a year after I graduated, needing a break from the mess of my life at home before starting college. Then I went, got my nursing degree, and wound up hunting again with the boys.  
“Whatcha thinking about?” Sam asks, turning his head to look at me.  
“When I first met you two dorks.” I smirk. “Sammy, you had the cutest little bowl cut.”  
“I remember that. I also remember you wearing that black trucker hat.” He smirks right back, but I look away.  
I don’t want to think about that stupid trucker hat, especially not after my nightmare last night. I took that hat from Alex, saying every girl needs to wear something of her boyfriend’s and since he wouldn’t give me anything, I was going to take it.  
“Sam, I think you made her remember how dorky she was.” Dean laughs as he slows down for a red light.  
“I was not dorky.” I say defensively.  
“You were reading Harry Potter when we walked through your front door.”  
“That does not make me dorky.” I sigh knowing I really was a dork. Hell, I still was a dork. “Yeah, but you love me.”  
“That’s right baby sis.”  
“I am not a baby. I am twenty-four years old.”  
“Yeah well I am twenty-nine and Sammy is twenty-five so that makes you the baby.”  
I cross my arms, pretending to be angry. Truth is, I love being the baby. I have gone my whole life being the big sister and it is nice being the youngest one for a change.  
“So how are we getting into this place?” Sam asks, interrupting one of Dean and I’s common bickerings.  
“I am not pretending to be a hooker again.” I groan, knowing that is probably the plan. “I cannot have one more middle aged man staring at my butt.” Not when I cannot even get a boy my own age to even speak to me; life can be lonely at times. “Plus I forgot to wear my thong.” Sam’s cheeks go red when I say that.  
“What else are we going to do?” Dean catches my eye in the rearview mirror and I glare at him.  
“If she says she doesn’t want to do it, we will think of something else.” Sam tries to smooth out the tension.  
“Fine. We can just snoop and then I’ll go in as a customer and gank her.” Dean replies.  
“Good. Being a hooker is disgusting.” I am surprisingly protective of my body, especially for someone hanging out with those two. Dean has had more sex than a porn star and Sam, well I don’t actually know about Sam. He never shares. “And why did you two idiots not think of a plan before leaving?”  
“I don’t think so.” Dean says, ignoring the question tacked onto my statement.  
“You are a nasty sex-addict.” I reach up a smack his shoulder.  
“I concur.” Sam adds.  
“Don’t you two team up against me.” Dean throws an empty water bottle at me. It bounces off my head and lands on the floor. “We still have three hours in this car and I will not put up with this.”  
“Three hours? Why didn’t we head out earlier?” I turn to Sam. “You told me it wasn’t far away.”  
“Yeah, well I lied. I just wanted to investigate from the bunker, not from some sleazy hotel room.” For the man who loved getting dirty, he has a weird thing about hotels.  
“Whatever. Wake me up when we get there.”  
I lay down in the back seat, tucking a sweatshirt under my head. I close my eyes, but only for what seems like a second.  
“When are you going to tell her?” Dean whispers to Sam.  
“Never. It won’t work.” Sam hisses back.  
“You have twenty-four hours or I am telling her.”  
“Telling who what?” I sit up. Since when does Sam have a crush? He doesn’t even know any girls. I think.  
“Yeah, tell who what?” Dean asks, elbowing Sam in the ribs.  
“Nothing.” Sam stares straight ahead, back stiff against the seat.  
I place my hand on Sam’s shoulder. “Sammy, I need to know all about your love life. Seeing as Dean and I will never have one.”  
“Shut up Emma, I have had way more action than you.”  
“First off, ew. Second off, I don’t want any action. I cannot be in a relationship right now. Too much work.” That was always my excuse. I would never admit to the boys that I was actually just going to end up alone because no one would ever love me and no one has ever showed an interest. Besides Alex.  
My phone buzzes and I see I have a text from mom. I open it up, “They sleep on beds of bugs.”  
“That is so nasty.” I mutter.  
“What?” Sam asks.  
“The Rhakshasa sleeps on a bed of bugs.”  
Dean pulls off the highway. “Okay, I will scout out the bed bugs,” He pauses to laugh at his own stupid joke “And you and Sam can talk with the club owner.”  
“Dean, stop being an ass.” Sam says, crossing his arms and turning his head to face the window.  
“Time is a ticking Sammy boy.”  
I ignore the brothers’ banter and look out the window. We pull into the parking lot of a strip club. The Honey Bunnies.  
“Bye kids.” Dean hops out, places his gun in the back of his jeans and heads around back.  
Sam and I get out of the car. I stretch my arms up and let out a sigh. The sun feels warm against my skin and it feels good to stretch my legs.  
“The killings started two weeks ago. We need someone who was recently employed during that time.” Sam glances over his notes.  
“What’s the plan?” I ask.  
“FBI?”  
“Sam I am wearing a tee shirt and khaki shorts. You are wearing jeans and a hoodie. We are not FBI.” I roll my eyes. Sam always wants to go FBI. “How about I go in for an interview, distract whoevers in there, and you grab all the employee application forms.”  
Sam hands me a knife and nods. “Don’t hesitate to use that and yell for me if anything seems off.”  
I nod and open the door to the club. The inside is exactly what I expected. Tables, a huge bar, and a stage with several poles.  
“Hi, can I help you?” A middle-aged, balding man with a beer belly asks. Also exactly what I expected.  
“Yes my name is Emma, but you can call me Candy. Are y’all hiring?” I bat my eyelashes.  
“Perhaps. Not men though.” He licks his lips and I feel my stomach drop. Why can’t monsters ever work at some place classy? And why did Sam follow me in now? He should’ve waited.  
“I’m just here for moral support. This is her first gig and she was nervous.” Sam lies, but the man seems to buy it.  
“Alright Candy, I am going to take you to the back interview room. Somewhere more private. Shouldn’t be more than fifteen minutes gigantor.” He wiggles his eyebrows.  
I sigh following the man to the back room. He sits down at a big oak desk that seems out of place amongst the bottles and glitter. I pull a chair up and face him, hand on my knife the whole time.  
“My name is Roger and I run this fine establishment.” I choke back a snicker. “So did you bring a tape?”  
“A what?” I am confused. Aren’t we just going to talk about my skills or whatever?  
“Oh wow, an auditioner. I like it.” He gets up, opens a door behind him and motions for me to follow.  
The room is lit up with one pole in the middle with a chair in front. Oh hot damn this is going to be interesting.  
“I’ve never done this before.” Playing dumb will work hopefully.  
“Don’t be nervous.” Roger pushes a button on the wall and music starts pumping into the room.  
I grab the pole with one hand and lean back. My left foot slides out in front of me and I lift my toes up. Ballet will hopefully buy me enough time.  
“Keep going.” Roger’s voice is husky. Gross. I don’t even want to think what has been done in this room.  
I twirl so that I am facing the pole and not that nasty man. I pull my feet into first position and drop down to a grand plié.  
“Now face me.”  
I rise up and spin back around.  
“Take off your shirt.”  
Oh hell no. “Sorry, but I haven’t gotten the gig yet.”  
“You’re hired. Take off the shirt.”  
I freeze. Roger gets up and grabs the edge of my shirt.  
I glance down at my watch. It has been three minutes. That better be enough time Sam. I yank myself out of his grip, darting out of the room and down the hall.  
“Sam, time to go!” I yell as I push open the door. I don’t stop running till I am sitting behind the impala.  
“Emma, where are you?” Sam calls out frantically. I peep my head out from around the impala and wave. He sees me and runs over, dropping to the ground. “What happened? Are you hurt? What did he do?”  
“I’m fine. He was just being a creep. Did you get the papers?”  
Sam waves a folder in the air. I sigh and lean my head against the bumper. “Let’s get out of here.”  
“What about Dean?”  
“This is like his second home, he’ll be fine.” Sam grabs my hand and lifts me up with him. I point across the street to a picnic table at a small park.  
I grab the folder out of Sam’s hand, flipping through the pages as we walk over. I sit down, spreading the papers out in front of me.  
“Three months, two months, one year, twenty days.” I pull that page to the front. “Her?”  
Sam doesn’t respond. I look up and see him, shoulders tensed, starring at the door.  
“What?” I snap my fingers in front of his face.  
“I just want to make sure that dick isn’t following us.” I can see his hands form into fists on the table.  
“Sam, I’m fine.” Sam is always so protective of me. “Focus.”  
Sam completely ignores my attempt to get back to the case. “What did he do to you?”  
“Told me to take off my shirt and when I said no, he touched it like he was going to.”  
Sam slams his fists down on the table. “I swear that dick is going to pay.”  
I grab his arm, not wanting him to go back in there. “Sam, I am not a baby. I can take care of myself. I know having a little sister is still new for you-“  
“You aren’t my sister.”  
What had gotten into him? “Fine.” I stand up and turn around, sitting with my back against the table and to him.  
“I mean I don’t want you to be my sister.” He sounds upset.  
Like that is so much better? I don’t respond. I flip through the rest of the pages.  
“I love you.” His voice is soft, barely above a whisper.  
“Yeah, Sam I love you too.” I mutter, still pissed.  
I feel the bench shift as he gets up. I feel him looming over me. “No, I love you. Like romantically.”  
I laugh so hard I fall off the bench. “Okay, you got me. I’m not pissed anymore.”  
“Emma, I’m serious. That’s what the twenty-four hours thing is about. Dean gave me twenty-four hours to tell you or he was going to.”  
I sit up, the laughter falling away. I look up into his hazel eyes and swallow. This is awkward.  
He sits down in front of me. “Say something.”  
I have no words. Sam loves me? Big, cuddly, Sam? “I’m sorry, but what?”  
“Shit. I told Dean this was a dumb idea.” Sam runs his hand through his long locks and stands up.  
“No, I just, I don’t think I feel the same way.” Sam had always been my big brother, my best friend. Not a boyfriend.  
“Yeah, okay. Forget I said anything at all.” Sam’s voice cracks and I look up to see him pressing his lips together. He takes a step back.  
He looks brokenhearted. I can’t bear to see him looking this sad so I offer up, “How about one date? And I can see how I feel? I just, never thought about it before.”  
Sam smiles. “You don’t have to. I don’t want a pity date.”  
“No I want to. I gotta give you a chance. Opportunities like this are rare. Pick me up at five tomorrow. Room four.” I laugh.


	2. Emma's POV

My clock reads 4:11. We killed the Rhakshasa yesterday. It was surprisingly easy once we figured out who it was. A lot easier than going on this date with Sam. What have I agreed to? I haven’t been on a date in years and am actually feeling nervous.  
My closet has been standing open for the last ten minutes as I pull out shirts, skirts, and dresses. My floor is covered in rejects and I have no idea what to wear. I hold up a knee-length navy dress. If I wear pearls with it, it could possibly be nice enough for a date, but then I might look like I am trying too hard or end up over-dressed.  
A knock at the door interrupts my thoughts and I see a piece of paper slide under.  
I walk over and pick it up. In Sam’s scrawling handwriting are the words, “Grand Cayman.” Like the island? I guess Sam wants to go with a tropical theme. Underneath that were the words, “Wear a bathing suit.”  
Guess it is time to shave.  
I decide to turn on some music to help me relax while getting ready. “Everybody’s living like their crazy in love.” I sing along with Beach by All Time Low, figuring it would help me get in the beach mood.  
I stand in front of my floor length mirror studying myself. I wear the only bathing suit I own (we don’t swim much), a navy bikini. I retwist my hair back into a bun.  
“Hey, Can I come in?” Dean asks from the other side of the door.  
“Sure.” I mumble through the bobby pins I am holding in my mouth.  
The door opens and closes quickly. “I need to talk to you.”  
I push the last pin into my hair and turn around. “Okay.”  
Dean pays no attention to the fact that I am pretty much trembling and feeling naked. “Do you love Sam?”  
“No, I mean yes, I mean I don’t know.” I stutter. I walk over to my closet, pondering what to wear over my suit. I can feel my face start to flush and for a fleeting second I think maybe I do.  
“If you break his heart, I will break your face. If he breaks your heart, I will break his face.”   
“Thanks for the encouraging pep talk.” I feel a pillow hit the back of my head. “Okay, I get it. No one will get hurt.”  
“Good. Wear this.” Dean throws a black something at me.   
I unfold the cloth and see that it is one of Sam’s shirts. “This isn’t even mine.”  
“Yeah, well he’ll think it’s hot.”  
“I don’t know if I want him to think I’m hot.”  
“Well then you better not go cause I am pretty sure no matter what you wear, he will think you look good.”  
I feel another blush creeping out of nowhere. “Get out loser. If I wanted to hear something this lame I’d turn on the Hallmark channel.”  
Dean laughs, closing the door on his way out.  
What am I doing? I slip the shirt on over my head, breathing in the scent of Sam. The shirt grazes the middle of my thigh and hangs like a tent over me. How the hell do I look good?   
I take a deep breath and open the door. Here goes nothing.  
“What are you wearing?” A deep voice greats me as I turn into the kitchen.  
“Cas!” It has been weeks since I have seen him. He was off on some important angel mission. I throw my arms around him and squeeze.  
“Hello Emma.”   
I pull away and look at his face. His blue eyes sparkle like always and he wears a serious expression, like always.  
“What are you doing here?” I wish I wasn’t going on a date because I want to hear all about Cas’ adventures.  
“I am, I am um, I am doing stuff.” Cas has always been a really bad liar.  
“Hey, you ready?” I hear Sam say behind me.  
I turn around. He is wearing his sea foam green swim trunks and a white v-neck shirt with little chest hairs popping out along the edges. He looks like a freaking male model. “Ready as I’ll ever be.”  
He grabs my hand. “Now, Cas.”  
I can feel my stomach dropping and suddenly my feet are sinking in warm sand.  
“Where the hell are we?” I drop Sam’s hand, backing up.  
“Welcome to Grand Cayman.” He spreads his arms wide and I see a picnic set up. Two glasses of wine are already poured.  
I sit on the blanket, picking up a glass and sipping. I cross my legs in front of me and keep my head down. I have no idea what to say, so I just keep drinking. Maybe if I am drunk this date will actually be fun and not awkward.  
Sam settles down next to me. “I’m sorry. I just wanted it to be perfect. Dean said you came here once with your family and loved it and I bought your favorite wine and I got these little crackers with cheese the store clerk recommended and-“  
“Sam, please shut up. It’s nice.” It is more than nice. It is everything I dreamed a first date would be. Except I never imagined it would be with Sam.  
“Okay. What do you want to do first?” Sam’s eyes bore into my skull but I can’t bring myself to look him in the eyes.   
“I don’t know.” I say in a small voice.  
“Hey, are you okay?” He places his hand on the small of my back and I feel the heat through his shirt.  
“No, no I am not. This is really weird.” I feel the hand fall back.  
“Let me call Cas then.” He presses his lips together and I remember why I agreed to this originally. This is for him, not me.  
I place my hand on Sam’s shoulder. “No, don’t. I just, let’s go have fun.”  
I stand up, shed Sam’s shirt and race to the water. If I am already here, I might as well swim.   
I edge my toes into the water. It is cool, but not cold.  
“Time to get wet.” Sam sweeps me up in his arms, running into the water.  
“Put me down.” I hammer my fists into his back.  
“Alright, you asked for it.” He lets go and I feel myself sink under the water.   
Instead of coming back up, I swim down to the bottom of the sea. I reach my hand out grab Sam’s ankle and yank.  
“I guess you asked for that then.” I say as Sam surfaces, pushing strands of hair out of my face.  
“Get back here.” Sam tackles me and suddenly it feels just like old times. As we wrestle in the water, splashing and darting around, I think about our friendship. I can’t help however, but think about what it would be like to be in a relationship with Sam. He is sweet, kind, always taking care of me. Why wouldn’t I want to be in a relationship with him? I mean, I already know the answer, but a part of me hopes that this will be different.  
I feel arms wrap around my waist. “Whatcha thinking about?” Sam whispers into my ear.  
“I’m cold.” I lie and break free from his grip, swimming back to shore. I push through a school of yellow and blue fish, not bothering to look at them. I can feel Sam starring at me as I walk back to the blanket. My mind is swirling with thoughts. Thoughts of wanting to kiss Sam.  
“You alright?” Sam is behind me, but I don’t answer. “Talk to me.”  
Talk to me. No one had ever said that to me before. “I don’t know if I can explain.”  
Sam sits down next to me and I can feel the heat radiating off him. He bumps my knee with his, causing me to draw my knees up to my chest. “What did I do wrong?”  
Another phrase I had never heard before. Well not from a guy at least. Alex never said that to me. Ever. I sigh, frustrated that Alex has infiltrated this date. I mean, he infiltrates everything so why not this?  
“Sam doesn’t actually like you. No one ever could.” Alex whispers in my mind.  
“Shut up, you are not invited here.” I whisper back in my mind.  
“You can’t get rid of me. Ever.”  
“Yes I can.”  
“It’s been six years sugar.”  
“Yeah, well I haven’t heard from you in a while so I must have been doing something right.”  
“I only come back when it’s important.”  
“Shut up. I said shut up!”  
“Okay, sorry.” Sam says quietly.  
“What?” I ask.  
“You told me to shut up.”  
I said that out loud? “I wasn’t talking to you.” Okay now I sound like a crazy person.  
“There is no one else here Emma.” He scrunches his face up, causing his forehead to wrinkle.  
“I was talking to myself.”  
“Well what were you saying?”  
“Nothing.”  
“Why won’t you tell me what is going on?” Sam reaches out and grabs my hand. “I want to help.”  
“You can’t. No one can.” I pull my hand out of his.  
“Emma, I know something is wrong.”  
“There is nothing wrong.” I press my lips together.  
“You can lie to me all you want, but you cannot lie to yourself.” Sam says with all the wisdom he has always possessed.   
“You want to know what is going on?” I surprise myself with the anger coming out of me. I know I’m not angry with Sam, but I cannot stop myself. I’ve finally snapped. “Alex is saying you don’t actually like me and I thought he was gone, but I had a dream last night, and he always sneaks up and ruins really good moments, like when I was thinking I wanted to kiss you, and he will never let me be happy.”  
By now I am standing up, fists formed at my side. I can feel the salt water dripping down my back and I shiver a bit in the breeze.  
“You wanted to kiss me?” Sam stands up, wrapping his huge hands around mine. I can’t help but look up at his face.  
“Shit, I said that out loud too?” This is seriously the most embarrassing date ever. I mean out of all dates, not just my limited few. I drop my head.  
“Don’t cry Emma.”  
I reach up feeling my cheeks, which in fact are wet. I feel Sam pull me into a hug and I let myself fold into him.  
“Alex isn’t here. He will never be here.” Sam murmurs into my hair.  
“He always told me no one would ever put up with me except him.” My face is buried in Sam’s chest.  
“That dick. God, I hate him.” I can feel Sam tense up.  
“Don’t hate him. I don’t hate him.”  
“You should. He emotionally abused you, screwing with your head. You haven’t seen him in six years and he still messes with you.”  
“I’m used to it.”  
“Well you shouldn’t have to be. He’s the reason you were on medication and saw that therapist for a year and tried to commit suicide. And I know he is the reason these exist.” Sam slowly strokes his thumb over the scars on my wrist.  
“He never physically hurt me.” I still get defensive of him sometimes.  
“No, but he got in your head and made you hurt yourself.”  
I pull myself back, out of his grip. “Who told you?”  
“No one, I just put it all together.” Sam walks towards me, but I keep backing up.  
“I need to be alone right now.” I turn, but Sam stops me with his grip around my arm.  
“No, you don’t. I love you and I have for a while. You may not believe me right now, but someday you will.”  
“I don’t deserve to be loved.”  
“Is that what you think?” I nod. “I don’t deserve you because you are the most beautiful person I have ever laid eyes on. I don’t deserve you because you are more caring, passionate, and perfect than I can ever aspire to be.”  
I hadn’t realized how close we had gotten. Sam was holding my chin in his hand, bringing my face up to look at him. His hazel eyes bore into my brown ones and suddenly I feel shy. I bite my top lip, not sure what is happening.  
Sam leans down, pressing his forehead on mine. His nose touches mine and I suck my breath in. I look up and see his eyes closer than I ever had before. They aren’t truly hazel, but instead are flecked with brown and green. I realize my hands are still at my sides. I slowly snake them around Sam’s waist, still afraid and unsure, but deciding to go for it.  
Sam breaks our gaze by closing his eyes, tilting my chin up a bit higher, and softly placing his lips on mine. I go to kiss him back, but he has already pulled away, his soft eyes searching my face for my reaction.  
My hands are still on his sides and I pull him as close as I possibly can. I rise up on my toes, “Come here you.” I plant a kiss on him this time.   
“Emma, you have no idea how long I have waited to do that.” Sam whispers into my ear. “I love you.”  
I feel my body stiffen. I am absolutely not ready to use the l-word. I mean, I know I have said I loved him before, but this is entirely different.  
“I, I need to go.” I say wiggling out of his embrace, not sure where I was going to go. “Cas?”  
Cas appears in front of us. He is wearing his trench coat, like always. He looks like a lost puppy, but he wears that expression often.  
“How did it go? Did she profess her undying love for you?” Cas asks, completely serious.  
“Cas, just take me home.” I sigh, not wanting to look at Sam. I know I have upset him, but I love you is a very special phrase to me. I don’t throw it around ever and only use it when I mean it. I am completely comfortable saying it to the guys as friends, but not in this way.  
The next second we are standing in the kitchen of the bunker with Dean staring us down.  
I turn to go to my room, but Sam is blocking my way. “I’m sorry Sam.”  
“Emma.” His voice is soft and quiet. I hear Cas and Dean exit the room, giving us privacy.  
“I left your shirt there.” I step to go around him, but his body shifts to block me yet again.  
“I know that’s not why you’re sorry.”  
The emotions of the day catch up with me and suddenly I am completely annoyed with Sam and just want to be in my room. “You are going to be sorry if you don’t get out of the way.”  
“Not till you tell me what is happening.” He grabs my upper arm. “Now.”  
“You said you loved me.” With those words, I feel his hand drop off of me. He slides out of the way and walks towards his room.  
I sigh, head to my room, and strip of my suit. I throw on sweatpants and a huge tee shirt. I turn off the light and crawl into bed, not wanting to look at the sad girl staring back at me.


	3. Emma's POV

I wake up trying to piece together what happened last night. I think it is all just a dream till I see my bikini lying on the floor where I left it. Great. Sam thinks I hate him and am crazy psycho bitch. I mean, I am, but still.  
I get up and peek my head out of my door. Dean’s is wide open and Sam’s is closed. Maybe he is still asleep. I tiptoe down the hall, trying to not let him know I am awake.  
“Morning sunshine.” Dean is flipping pancakes at the stove. His back is to me, but I know he has a smirk on his face.  
“Where is Sam?” I ask.  
“Sleeping. You guys had some kind of a night. He came home and wouldn’t talk to me at all.” Dean turns and raises his eyebrows, but I ignore his look, pouring a cup of coffee. “What happened?”  
“Hell if I know. I mean things were going kind of okay.”  
“Was it really that bad? I mean I know Sam is a crappy kisser and he is butt-ugly.” Dean laughs and I know he is only teasing.  
I sigh for what seems like the millionth time and pull out a barstool. I set my cup on the counter pushing my hair out of my face. “Honestly, it was perfect. Better than any first date I could have ever dreamed up.” I wrap my hands around the mug, staring down into the steam. “He was a gentleman and I know he put a lot of effort into it and he was nothing but kind and he looked good in his trunks and he even bought my favorite wine.”  
Dean turns the stove off and slides a plate towards me, sitting down on the stool next to me. “Then what is the problem?”  
“It was too perfect. I felt like it was a set-up or a dream. Then Alex started messing with my head and Sam said he loved me and it was all too much. I am not ready to say I love you. Those three words are used so carelessly in society today, but to me they mean what they are supposed to. I only say it if I mean it and I was not ready to say it.” I stab the pancakes and shove them into my mouth in order to shut myself up.  
“Why don’t you tell Sam all this?” Dean is chewing a bite of pancakes as well.  
“Because he won’t understand. The PTSD, the pain, the fear, just the everything. No one ever understands and those who try to just end up running away.” I stab another bite of pancake and Dean grabs my hand to prevent me from stabbing quite possibly through the plate.  
“Why are you telling me then?”  
“Because I need to vent.” I playfully smack his shoulder and he hits me back. “Bring it on Winchester.”  
He picks me up from my stool, but I dig my fingers into his sides, tickling him till he lets me go. “I surrender!”  
“You damn well do.” I hold my fist up in a victory position.  
“Oh Sammy, just the man we wanted to see.” Dean smiles and grabs my arm, shoving me towards Sam. “Time to chat sweeties. I am going on a supply run. Be back when this is worked out.” Dean grabs the keys and slams the door on his way out, letting us know he has left.  
“Sam.” I face him and am surprised by what I see. Has he been crying? His eyes are surrounded by dark circles and his plaid pajama bottoms are hanging on the bottom of his hips. He runs his hand through his hair and pushes his way past me. I have never seen him this upset. “Sam, please.” No response. “Sam, let me explain myself.”  
“I don’t want to hear it.” His back is to me and I see him gripping a mug, but not pouring anything into it. His shoulders are tense and I can tell he is trying to remain calm.  
“I am sorry for what I said. It came out wrong. I was just so overwhelmed that I didn’t know what to think and then you said you loved me and I just wasn’t ready to say it back cause I want to know I mean it 100% when I say it and I just didn’t know if I did then…” My voice trails off and I see Sam set the mug down on the counter placing his hands on either side of it.   
I wish he would say something, but the silence stretches on. I whisper, “Sammy, I’m just scared.”  
He turns around, leaning against the counter. “Of what?”  
“Of you, of this.” I pick at an invisible string on my sweats.   
“Why are you afraid of me?” His voice is soft and his entire demeanor changes. His shoulders relax and he scrunches his face up, like he is reading a foreign language. I suppose I am a foreign language.  
“Not you specifically, I am just afraid of being discarded again. If I let myself love you and trust you, I will have to open up about myself and every single time I have, the other person has gone running. I’m broken.” I cross my arms across my chest, as if that would protect me.  
“Well, so am I.” Sam shifts his body and leans back a bit further. His shirt slides up a bit and I see a glimpse of his toned stomach. Beautiful.   
“Not like me.” I am suddenly tired, tired of this fight and tired of putting myself last.  
“Emma I will love you till the day I die and nothing that you or anyone else says or does can change that.” He walks to me and places a hand on each shoulder. I stand still, starring at his chest. “What do you want?”  
What do I want? I want Sam’s lips on mine; I want to run away, most of all I want to not be trapped by this fear any longer.   
“Just tell me and I will never bring this up again. Things will go back to the way they were before.” His hands squeeze my shoulders. “I want you to be happy, Em.”   
I shove my face into his chest and let his arms wrap around me. I breathe in, smelling salt water and my lotion. Is that the shirt I wore yesterday? I pull my head back a bit and Sam drops his arms to his sides. It is.   
I motion for Sam to lean over. I place my mouth next to his ear and whisper, “I want you.”  
I feel Sam’s arms wrap underneath mine and around my back. He stands up, swinging me in a circle, and then places my feet back on the floor. “You will never have a reason to regret this.”  
I pull his hands into mine, tangling our fingers. “I don’t ever want to.”


	4. Emma's POV

It has been one month exactly since Sam asked me out on that date. Since then, we have been taking things extremely slow. Sam always says it’s fine, but I can tell he wishes I would open up to him like he has with me.  
I am sitting in the library, wearing Sam’s shirt and a pair of leggings. I look at the clock, which reads 2:13 am. I am tired, but I promised the boys to have figured out all the ingredients for a spell by tomorrow morning.  
“You look like you could use a break baby.” I hear Sam’s voice from the doorframe.  
I don’t look up. “I am almost done Sam and don’t ever call me that again.”  
“Baby?”  
“Yeah, I’m not big on pet-names.” I don’t know why, I’ve just never liked being called something other than my name.  
“Okay, Em.” He doesn’t sound mad.  
“Thanks.” I turn the page in my book, still not looking at him.  
He pulls a chair up next to me, looking over my shoulder at the book. “I brought you something.” He whispers into my ear. He pulls my hair back, off my shoulders and runs his hand through it.  
“What, your pretty face?” I roll my eyes, but turn around, willing to play whatever game it was he wants to.  
Sam gasps, “I am much more than that.” He places his hand to his chest as if I have deeply offended him. “I am a noble man, saving young lasses from the perils below.”  
I snicker. “Okay, I’ll bite. What did you bring me?”  
“This.” Sam presses his lips on mine. “You look so good in my shirt.”  
“Better than you.” I say, trying to play it cool. Inside my stomach is in knots and all I want to do is kiss Sam again.   
“Well no one can wear anything as good as you.” He presses his lips onto my forehead.  
The butterflies are desperate to be free. I lift my head, locking my eyes with him. I stand up and straddle his lap, knees on either side of his thighs. “I love you Sam.” I whisper, pushing my mouth onto his.  
Sam lets go of the chair and my weight knocks us onto the floor. I groan rubbing my head after it collides with Sam’s arm as he tries to break the fall.  
“You what?” I am lying on top of him and can see the shock in his eyes. His hands press down on either side of him, lifting his chest off the floor.  
“I love you. If I had known this would be such a shock I would’ve had you sit down first.” I smirk. “Oh wait, you already were.”  
Sam grabs my face with his hands, falling flat against the floor with a soft thud. “Say it again.”  
I drop my face so that my lips are millimeters from his. “Samuel David Winchester I love you.”  
“It’s a good thing I love you too.” He pulls my head down, eliminating the space between our lips.   
“Yeah it is a good thing. And you know what?” I push myself off him, sitting back down in my chair.  
“What?” He sits up on the floor, hands resting on my knees.  
“You love me so much, you are going to help me translate this.” I am already turning around, clicking my pen in my hand.  
“I don’t love you that much.” He jokes.  
I turn my head back to look at him, licking my lips. “I guess my lips don’t love you that much.”  
“Would they love me more if mine were turning Latin words into English?” He flirts, settling into the chair next to me.  
“It’s worth a shot, don’t yah think?” I have no idea where this is coming from. Sam makes me feel reckless.  
He runs his thumb over my bottom lip. “Yeah, it totally is.”  
I blush and turn to face the book. I pretend to read, but all I can really focus on is the heat radiating off of Sam’s arm, which is brushing up against mine. I can feel his arm tense when he turns a page. I want to touch it, but I have reverted back to my normal, shy around Sam personality.  
I look up and my eyes focus on one of the many swords in the room. This one is silver, with a curved blade, and an oak handle. I think about how easily that blade could slice something, something like me. Suddenly instead of Sam being the focus of my mind, the blade is. I have the overwhelming desire to take it and stab myself in the stomach.   
I shake my body out, letting the thought slip away. These thoughts aren’t common, but they also weren’t rare. Part of having depression means having crazy thoughts I guess.  
“Cold?” Sam interrupts my thoughts.  
“What? No.” I settle back into my chair, keeping my eyes on the page of the book. If Sam looks into my eyes, I know I will melt into a puddle and confess everything.  
“Whatcha thinking about?” Sam wraps a strong arm around mine, placing his fingers in the spaces between mine.  
“How I really don’t want to be doing this right now.” I gesture to the book with my left hand.  
“You suck at lying.”  
“Well so do you.” I retort lamely.  
Sam rubs his thumb over the back of my hand. “Tell me.”  
“That sword.” I point to the one straight across the room.  
“And what about it?”   
Sam keeps rubbing little circles on my hand and I lose all inhibition, blurting out, “That it would be great for stabbing.”  
“Stabbing what?”   
Again with the damn circles. He suddenly lets go of my hand and places it on my lower back, transferring the circles there. He knows I will say anything while he rubs there. “Me.”  
Sam drops his hand and yanks my chair around so that I am facing him, whipping me out of dream world.  
“I mean vamps.” A desperate attempt to gloss over what I had just confessed.  
“Why would you think that?” Sam looks genuinely upset.   
“Things like that just pop into my head sometimes.” I shrug.  
“That’s a cop-out answer.” Sam has both hands on my shoulders and I realize he is pinning me down.  
“It’s like a candy bar. I used to, you know, do that kind of thing a lot. Then I stopped, but sometimes the urge still comes, because, you know, I liked it. So imagine I used to eat candy all the time, but then I stopped because of my health. Then sometimes candy just pops into my head or I see something or whatever that reminds me of it and I want to eat it again.” I am starring at Sam’s nose because that is a lot easier than looking into his eyes. I mentally kick myself for letting my guard down.   
Sam is biting his lip the entire time, which I know means he is either really upset or worried or both.  
“I don’t understand.” He finally says.  
“That’s alright, no one ever does.” I slide my notes into the book and close it. I kiss Sam’s forehead and stand up. I exit the room in order to go to be alone, leaving Sam dumbfounded at the table.  
……..  
“Emma, I think I am beginning to understand.” Sam is shaking me awake.  
“What the hell are you talking about Sam?” My clock reads 4:01 am. “Go back to sleep.” I shove him, but he goes nowhere.  
“The self-harm that you were talking about. After you left, I spent the rest of the night looking up information and I am beginning to understand what you were saying.”  
“Can we talk about this tomorrow?” I groan, rolling so my back is to him. I yank the covers up to cover my head.  
A hand slides under and is placed on my shoulder. “No, because I want you to know I care. That I care enough to want to understand why you think the way you do. But most of all, I just want to protect you.”  
“Sam, I was sleeping. There is literally no way I was in danger.”  
“I don’t know that.”  
I flop onto my back looking up into his big, worried eyes. “Well I guess you’ll just have to sleep here then.”  
I hear Sam pull of his jeans and his button down. He crawls into bed next to me, pulling me into the crook of his arm. I snuggle up, smelling his sweet cologne and listening to his heartbeat.   
“I love you Emma.” He murmurs, taking my hand in his, holding tight as if I was planning to jump up and grab that sword.  
Instead, I place my arm on his chest, letting myself fall back asleep.  
When I wake up, the bed is empty next to me. I think I might have dreamed that Sam was here, but when I roll over, the spot is still warm from his body. I sit up, rub my eyes, and put on my glasses. I see his shirt and jeans, still discarded on my floor.  
I get up, humming as I walk down to the kitchen to get some coffee. “Cause I’ve had the time of my life and I owe it all to you.”   
“Have a fun night last night, Sammy boy?” I hear Dean’s voice float down the hall.  
“Dean, stop.” Sam sounds annoyed.  
I stop my humming, pausing to hear the rest of this conversation.  
“What? You come out of Emma’s room in your boxers only.”  
“It’s not like that.”  
“It’s not? I’m proud of you, getting some finally.”  
“Dean, shut up.” I hear a crash that sounds like glass shattering on the wood floor.  
“Wait, you didn’t?”  
“No.”  
“Wow, you must be a bigger turn-off than I thought.”  
“She just doesn’t want to yet.”  
“You guys had this conversation?”  
“No. That would be weird.”  
“As if us having this conversation isn’t?”  
“She doesn’t want me. Not like I want her.”  
“Maybe you should find someone else.” I feel my chest tighten and tears spring into my eyes.  
“What the hell Dean? Not everything is about sex. I’ll figure something out. She’s bound to come around some time.” I hear Sam sigh and I imagine him running his hand through his hair in frustration.  
I am not sure what to think. I thought Sam was cool with us not being super intimate. I knew he was frustrated with taking things slow, but not like this. There is no way that I am having sex with him, I’m not ready, but maybe I can make it up to him some other way.  
“Yeah she is. Don’t let her go, she’s good for you. You are good for each other.” Dean says, revising his previous statement.  
“Good morning to the most handsome man in the universe.” I say waltzing in, acting like I did not hear the conversation I am interrupting. I also act like I don’t see the shards of glass in front of Sam’s feet. Sam gives me a small smile. “Oh, didn’t see you there. Good morning too Sam.”  
Dean laughs. “What can I say, I always was the better looking brother.”  
I pat his shoulder, “Actually I was just trying to be nice. There is only one for me.” I grab Sam’s hand, giving him a noisy kiss, just to bother Dean.  
“Get a room.” Dean groans.  
I start my hand at Sam’s tattoo on his collarbone and run my hand down his built arm, feeling his muscles twitch underneath my palm. His toned chest beckons me to place my hands upon it. I want to, I want to run my hands over every inch of Sam, but yet I don’t.   
“So what’s the plan for today?” I ask, sticking my tongue out at Dean.  
“Well we were going to get the supplies for the spell, but the last three lines aren’t translated.” He hands me the book.  
Memories of last night flood back and I remember that stupid knife and Sam’s concerned face. I duck my head and walk out of the kitchen, taking a seat at the table. I open the translation book and start flipping through.  
“You need bark from a three-year-old oak tree, copper shavings, and the blood of a virgin.” I call, scribbling the items onto the list as well as the page in the book.  
“I’ll get the copper shavings, pure I assume?” Dean asks.  
“Yes.” I reply.  
He walks over and picks up the list, scanning over it. “You two get the blood, oak, and frog feet. The rest can be found at Lotus, which I will go to.” Dean grabs the list and the keys to his impala, leaving me at the table and Sam standing quietly in the kitchen.  
“Let’s go for a walk to get these. There is that park about a mile away.” I get up, pushing in my chair. “I’m gunna get ready. Be back here in ten minutes.”  
I can tell Sam’s mind is still on the conversation he and Dean had earlier. I wave my hand in front of his eyes. “Sam, I need my knight in shinning armor to go with me. What if I kiss a frog and he turns into a prince?”  
“Yeah, let me grab a shower. Ten.”   
We both go to our separate rooms and I debate what I want to wear. How to show Sam I truly love him? Despite what he and Dean added to their conversation, I have an immense fear that Sam will wake up one day and realize he actually doesn’t want this and will leave me. I pick up his navy blue button down from the floor. I decide on maroon shorts, a black tank, and that shirt. I roll the sleeves up a bit and step into the bathroom to finish getting ready.  
By the time I am heading back into the kitchen, it’s been twelve minutes. Sam hates waiting, so I hurry my feet across the floor.  
“Sorry, I’m late.” I say to an empty room. “Sam?”  
“Coming!” I hear him call from his room. His bare feet pad across the floor and then I see him. He looks upset and my heart falls to the floor. I was hoping he had forgotten his conversation with Dean.  
“Let’s go.” I slide my feet into a pair of grey sneakers.  
“Have you eaten?” He asks. When I shake my head no, he hands me a granola bar.  
“Thanks.” I say softly.  
“Alright, now we can go.” He sits down on a barstool and laces up his work boots. I grab a towel and wipe the water dripping down his back from his hair off, ruffling his hair when I’m done.  
The warm September air greets us, as we exit the bunker. Sam locks the door behind him. The sky is a crystal blue and a light breeze ruffles the changing leaves. I slip my hand into his bigger one, pulling him along.  
“Come on!”   
“I’m coming.”   
As we walk, I can feel him start to relax. His body opens up, and he gently swings our hands. By the time we get to the park, he is almost back to himself.  
“How do we know which oak is three years old?” I ask.  
“Easy, read the plaques.” A row of oaks stands in front of us, with each tree having a name and date engraved on a stone in front.  
“Here.” I say, dropping Sam’s hand to make sure the stone does say three years ago. I pull my knife out of my pocket and pop it open. I scrape the side of the tree and put the bark into a plastic bag.  
“Good eyes.”  
“Thanks. Let’s go find us a frog.” We walk towards the pond that is further back in the park. We pass kids on swings and a dad catching his son at the base of a slide. We turn down a path and I can hear the croaks of huge bullfrogs coming from just around the bend.   
My mind drifts back to this morning. I know deep down, Sam is still thinking about what Dean said. I need to make this up to him, but I still haven’t thought of a way how. I don’t want to lose Sam even though it is probably inevitable.  
Since I don’t want to use my body, I try my words. “I have never loved anyone the way I love you Sam.”  
“I love you too.” He kisses the top of my head.  
I stop walking and spin so that we are face to face. I take his hands in mine, letting my fingers play with his. “You are strong, smart, and handsome. I have never met anyone with a mind like yours.”  
“Where is this coming from?” He asks, but I can tell my words are working on his heart.  
“I just want you to know how much I love you. I don’t want you to ever think I don’t. I want you and only you.” I pause, looking deep into Sam’s eyes, not sure how to end this. How to make everything okay. His eyes still hint of the sadness from this morning and it hits me that I can’t. Nothing I can do will ever make Sam truly happy. Maybe I am just not the girl for him. I’m too shy and reserved. He is going to leave me and there is nothing I can do about it. Might as well end it before I fall even deeper in love with him.   
“Okay, I can’t do this. We can’t do this anymore.” I feel my eyes well up with tears as I think about leaving Sam forever. I am willing to do it though, if it will make him happy.  
“Emma, what the hell is going on? What are you talking about?” Sam’s face scrunches up and he clasps my hands tightly.  
“I overheard you and Dean this morning. I want you to be with someone who will make you happy.” A tear rolls down my cheek.  
Sam pulls me into a body-crushing hug. “You make me happy.”  
“But you said-“  
“I know what I said. But this relationship is different than any other one I have ever had.” His hand reaches up and holds my cheek, brushing away the tear. “It is better.”   
I stand still, but don’t say anything. I just hold onto Sam, wanting desperately to believe what he is saying. “Is what you said true? All that stuff?” His chest rumbles as he talks.  
“It doesn’t even begin to scratch the surface.” I lift my face up and press my lips on his. “Now let’s go find ourselves a frog.”  
We continue down the path till we reach a pond barely six feet in diameter. I let go of Sam’s hand and bend down quietly, looking for any movement.   
“See anything?”   
I shake my head no. Sam walks a bit further and squats down, looking through the unkempt grass.   
An idea pops into my head and I quiet myself, before I give it away. I stand back up and sneak up quietly behind Sam. I place my hands on his back and shove. He falls into the pond with a splash that reaches my knees.  
Sam picks himself up and the water is barely above his ankles. He sputters for a few moments, watching me laugh. He has algae in his hair and on his shirt. Suddenly he darts out of the water at me. “I am going to get you.”  
“No!” I squeal. “Get away, you smell gross.” I put my hands up in front of me, blocking him from wrapping his nasty, wet body around mine.  
“Just remember, you started this.” He pulls his shirt off and throws it at me. I try to duck, but the shirt hits me on the head. I fall to the ground and sprawl out like I’m dead.  
“Where’s a damn frog when you need one. I need to turn him into a prince so he can rescue me from this pond scum.” I place my hands out beside me, as if a frog will magically appear.  
Sam nudges my leg with the tip of his shoe. “Was that her last request? Is the beast slain?” He nudges me a bit harder.  
I wrap my hand around his leg and smack him with his shirt with the other. “She lives!”  
“Thank God. I need my shirt back.” I hand him his shirt, which he places over his shoulders instead of on them.  
Then I see it, a little green frog hopping just outside of my reach, to the left of Sam. I slowly rise and then fling myself at it, grabbing it with my hand. I feel his little body squirm. “Mission accomplished.”  
Sam takes the frog from me and puts it in a plastic bag.  
“Sam, it can’t breathe.” I grab the bag from him and make three small holes at the top.  
“It’s going to die anyways.”  
“So? It doesn’t need you being mean. It should live its last hours happily.” I stare at the frog who stares right back.  
“Whatever, let’s go.” He takes my hand and we begin walking back to the entrance of the park, and then to the bunker.  
When we reach the bunker, the impala is back in the driveway.  
“Catching a frog that hard, Sammy?” Dean looks at Sam’s still damp clothes and laughs. “I got everything set up. Just give me the frog, oak, and blood.”  
“Shit, we forgot the blood Emma.” Sam hands over the other two ingredients.  
“No, we didn’t.”  
“Yeah? You got some stockpiled here?” He laughs.  
I hold up my arm. “Well I got more than enough pumping through my veins.”   
Sam grabs my face, squishing it between his two hands. “No.”  
“Sam, I am a grown woman and it’s my body and I want to do this. We can’t just go slit some poor virgin.” I pull his hands off my face.  
“So you will just slit yourself instead? Over my dead body.” He kicks a chair, sending it skidding across the room. I have no idea why he is angry.  
“Stop treating me like a child and let me do this. It’s not big deal.”  
“Em’s right.” Dean interjects.  
“Dean, stay out of this. No big deal?” Sam’s voice is getting louder every second. “Do you not remember last night?”  
Oh, so that is what this is about. “This is different.”  
“No, it’s not.”  
“I am not arguing about this.”  
“Well dammit, neither am I.” He grabs my arm. “This isn’t up for discussion.”  
His grip tightens and I try to yank away. His grip tightens even further and I grimace in pain. “Sam you’re hurting me.” He doesn’t respond, but also doesn’t loosen his grip. Tears spring up in my eyes, but not from the physical pain. “Sam, you’re scaring me.”   
Dean grabs Sam’s other arm, snapping him out of his dream world. He let’s go, looking from his hand to my arm, which is already beginning to show the signs of bruising. “Shit.”  
“You said you’d never scare me.” I slink behind Dean, hoping he will protect me. This isn’t the Sam I know and love, so I don’t know what he’s going to do. I don’t want to be afraid of him, but I am. Alex laughs in my mind.   
“Emma.” Sam’s voice is laced with sorrow. He takes a step toward me, but Dean doesn’t let him get any closer.  
“Sam, not right now.” He places a hand out towards Sam and the other back towards me, holding me away from Sam.  
“Dean, move.” Sam is not messing around and he steps even closer. I feel my breath catch in my throat. Alex tells me Sam is going to hit me.  
“I said not now.” Dean isn’t messing around either.  
Sam throws the first punch. His fist connects with Dean’s jaw and I scream. Dean falls back, but once he gains his balance he rushes in front of me again.  
“Get out of here.” He says, pushing me towards the library.  
I don’t hesitate and bound down the stairs. I can see everything is set up, the bowl is full and the symbols are drawn. I grab the nearest knife on display, a six-inch bronze one. I yank my sleeve up and hold my forearm over the bowl.  
“No!” I hear Sam yell. I see him push past Dean, throwing him onto the floor. I run the blade down my arm and I see Sam’s eyes grow huge. He is seething with rage and I only get a few drops in before he has grabbed the knife out of my hand and thrown it across the room. I squeeze my arm, watching the blood rush faster into the bowl. Swirling around herbs and spices.  
Next thing I know, I am pinned on the floor, Sam sitting on top of me, both arms trapped under each of his hands above my hands. I look like I just got busted by the cops.  
“It’s too late Sam.”   
I hear Dean clamber down the stairs and feel the weight of Sam’s body move off of me as Dean shoves him to the ground.  
“Get in your room, lock the door, and don’t come out till I say. I have to do this spell now, but I don’t want Sam to get to you.”  
I nod, sad it has come to this. Dean holds Sam down as I run to my room, clicking the lock shut securely, but knowing it will only slow him down. I lean my back against the door, breathing heavy.  
I feel something on my leg and I look down to see I am still bleeding. I head to my bathroom and run it under cool water. I search all my shelves for gauze, but find none. I settle for a discarded shirt on the floor. I wrap it around, applying pressure to stop the bleeding.  
I feel dizzy so I sit down on the edge of the bed, but it’s not from the blood loss. I hear yells from down the hall and then feet thundering down the hall.  
“Emma, let me in. I’m sorry.” Sam bangs on the door.  
I don’t trust myself to answer, so I lie back and rest my head on my pillow. The tears don’t fall, so instead I let the shirt. I watch as the blood slowly trickles down my arm, letting the little red river drip onto my sheets. The trickles slow even further as the wound begins to clot.  
“You knew it would come to this.” Alex tells me.   
“Sam loves me.” I whisper hesitantly.  
“Yeah, sure. He yelled at you. He hit Dean.”  
“That doesn’t mean anything.”  
“We both know you are lying. The only romantic relationships you are capable of having are full of pain.”  
“It’s me. I’ve got the first aid kit.” Dean’s voice comes in calmly interrupting Alex. I don’t move or answer him. “Emma, are you alright?” I still say nothing. “I won’t let him in.” I don’t move. “Okay, I am picking the lock and coming in.”  
I hear the lock jiggle and then the door open. It shuts again and I hear Dean’s feet walk closer till he is standing above me.  
“Let me see.” I hold my arm out to him. “Not bad, won’t need stiches.”  
Dean motions for me to move, so I flop onto my back, giving him room to sit on my bed. He pours the hydrogen peroxide on and then wipes it clean. He opens the gauze package slowly and just the way I taught him. He fastens it onto my arm with a roll of gauze.  
“Thank you.” I grab his hand and Dean ruffles my hair. I sigh, wanting so badly for the last events to be erased.  
“Just give him time to cool off.”  
“I don’t ever want to see him again.” I say, but we both know I’m lying. At least I do because I let every damn thing that harms me back into my life with a free pass.   
“He can get overprotective.” Dean rubs my shoulder.  
“Let him make his own excuses.”   
Dean takes this as his cue to leave, but I don’t bother to lock the door after he leaves. I love Sam too much to lock him out and if he comes in, words firing and fists flailing, so be it. It’s how all my relationships seem to be.  
But Sam doesn’t come in the rest of the day. Or the next. Dean pops in every once in a while to check on me and bring me food, but other than to pee, I don’t move from my bed.  
Finally it has been three days and I am starting to feel worried. This is all my fault. I am the worst girlfriend ever. I pushed Sam away, why didn’t I just do what he wanted? Have I learned nothing from Alex? You do what the other wants and you don’t complain. Even if you disagree.  
The door creaks open. “Dean, where is Sam?” There is only silence, so I roll over to see what is going on. “Sam.” I whisper.  
He walks over to the edge of my bed and kneels on the ground by my face. His eyes are dark and he reeks of alcohol. “Here.” He hands me a crumpled envelope. He stands up to leave.  
“Stay.” I reach out and touch his hand, but he shakes me off and walks out.  
I open the envelope and see a letter written in Sam’s slanted, scrawling handwriting. There are words crossed out and I can tell he has spent a lot of time on this.

Dearest,  
I know an apology won’t fix this. I know I cannot make a single excuse, but just the thought of you hurting yourself broke me to pieces. I want to stay. I need to leave. I already signed a lease on apartment across town and am moving out now. You will never have to see me again and I will never hurt you again. I promise. I guess I can’t promise because those hold no weight anymore. I’ll just say I will try my hardest. Which also probably means nothing.  
I love you. I loved you. I don’t have the words to express how I feel. I never knew it was possible to feel this much pain. I told Dean to take care of you and I know he will, he has taken care of me all these years.   
I guess this is goodbye for forever. I am sorry we spent our last day together fighting and I am sorry that you are afraid of me. The one thing I never wanted to happen did. And it’s my fault. All my fault and I will never forgive myself for what I have done. You trusted me and I let you down. I can never make this up to you even though I’ll try so I won’t even try.   
Thank you for one amazing month together, the best month of my life. I will remember you forever, but I hope you never forget me. Push me out of your mind and find someone who will be good to you and for you.   
By now, I have all my stuff packed and am heading out.   
Goodbye.

By the time I reach the end of the letter, the page is soaked. No one has ever written me a letter before, especially not an apology letter. It reminds me of the one’s I used to write Alex, whenever we fought, saying it was all my fault (even if it wasn’t).  
I get out of bed and run to Sam’s room, hoping it isn’t too late. The door is ajar and his room is empty. I run down the hall, but he isn’t anywhere. I hear a car start up that isn’t the impala. I throw open the front door and see Sam backing out of the driveway.  
“Sam, stop.” I run towards him, but he just keeps going.  
I take a breath and a leap of faith. I grip the letter and run into the street, blocking the way. Sam honks at me, but I don’t budge.  
“Samuel David, get out and talk to me right now.” I stomp my foot to emphasize my point.   
He puts the car in park and steps out, engine still running. I run to him, wrapping my arms around him. “Don’t leave me, don’t do this.”  
“Emma.” He says my name, short and emotionless.   
“Please, just come back home and we can talk this out.”  
“I have nothing to say.”  
I wave the letter in his face. “Well I do.”  
“I can’t.”  
“Can’t or won’t?” I ask, using Dean’s favorite question.  
“Both.”  
I grab his hand, pulling hard to try and get him to move. I am not surprised when he doesn’t. “Sam, I’m tired of fighting.”  
“That’s why I’m leaving.”  
I put my hand up to silence him. “Just hear me out okay?” He nods. “This is all my fault. I mess things up and I was stupid to think our relationship wouldn’t turn out like this. I shouldn’t have run when you came at me, I shouldn’t have said I was scared, and I certainly shouldn’t have cut myself because you told me not to. I should’ve listened to you, but I didn’t and I’m sorry and it won’t happen again because I won’t let it.” As I ramble on, I slowly back towards the house. “If you want to go, go. I can’t stop you and hell, if I were you I’d run too. Just know that I will change if you stay.”  
At that, Sam’s face cracks and tears leak down his cheeks.   
I don’t know why he is crying. “I promise to be honest with you. About everything. No more lies.”   
“You think this is your fault?” He says quietly, brushing his hand against mine.  
“I don’t think. I know.” I give him a half smile.  
“Is that what you have been thinking about these past few days?” He takes a step closer to me.  
“Yes. I failed you.”  
“Emma, stop. This is not your fault. How can you say it is?”   
I reach up and brush a tear off his cheek. “It always is.”  
“Who told you that?” His eyes widen and his jaw clenches. “Alex.”  
“Yeah. My therapist always told me that he made me think everything was my fault, when it wasn’t. Except, it probably was.”  
“No, she was right.”  
I wrap my arms around Sam and he hugs me back.  
“I am ready to be honest.”  
“Me too. Ask me anything, anytime.” I say into his shirt.  
“Are you still afraid of me?” I can hear the hesitation in his voice.  
“Maybe a little.” I whisper.  
“Shit.” He lets go of me and runs his hand through his hair. “I will change that. Not today, but over time.”  
I grab him by the biceps and pull him into me, leaning up to kiss him. “I love you and sometimes I think this is all a dream and then you got mad and I realized that it wasn’t a dream, but what we had was gone and now reality has set in.”  
“Emma, my anger should not be reality. Before was real.” He tucks my hair behind my ear. “Us giggling and watching Psych reruns and eating ice cream sundaes at midnight and walks in the park and you laying your head in my lap as I stroke your hair and stolen kisses and my love for you. That’s what’s real.” He looks into my eyes, revealing the brokenness and want inside him.  
I start to cry. Not cute little tears, but the crying where your shoulders shake and you can’t breathe.   
Sam grabs me and pulls me into his embrace. “I’m sorry. Whatever I said, I’m sorry.”  
I back up and look him in the eyes this time. “No Sam, I’m crying cause I’m happy.”


	5. Emma's POV

It’s been one week since Sam and I had our massive fight. Things have been good around here. We killed a vamp nest in Cali and Sam is being really sweet. I am just waiting for things to crack though. They always seem to.  
“What are you thinking about?” Sam is sitting on the end of my bed, facing me. He puts his phone down and I look away.  
“Nothing.” I am not about to start another fight.  
“Honesty.”   
“Sam, stop.” I pull my knees up to my chest. He raises his eyebrows. “I am waiting for this relationship to crack.”  
“It’s not going to.” He says crawling up beside me, pulling me into his arms.  
“What are you thinking about?” I ask, sinking into him.  
“How beautiful you are.” He kisses the top of my head.  
“No, really.”  
“How I really screwed up and how much I want to fix it.” He grabs my hand, linking our fingers together.  
“There is nothing to fix.” I tilt my head back, my eyes connecting with his. “Sam, I am not mad.”  
“Why?” He scrunches his face up and I let out a laugh.  
“Because I love you and I see where you were coming from. I overstepped my boundaries.” I snuggle back against his chest.  
“What are you even saying?”  
I sigh. “I have a place in this relationship and I moved outside that place by doing what I did.”  
“Is this another one of your weird misconceptions?”  
I sit up and scoot over to the edge of the bed, placing my feet on the floor. I feel Sam’s hand on my back, but I shake it off. “They aren’t weird.”  
“Come here.” Sam says and I flop over onto my stomach, my head resting on his chest. “I didn’t mean it like that.”  
“I know you didn’t.”  
We stay like that for a few minutes; Sam’s hand playing in the hairs that have slipped out of my bun.  
“Can I tell you something?” I whisper, breaking the silence.  
Sam’s hand doesn’t stop moving. “Anything.”  
“Before Alex and I started dating I bought him coffee. His favorite kind that is like five dollars at Starbucks and I brought it to his house. When I got there he asked me why I was there and left me sitting in his living room while he took a shower. I left without even saying goodbye.” I flip over onto my back and Sam’s hand moves to tracing my cheek. “I never could understand why he did that.”  
Sam doesn’t say anything for a moment, just strokes the side of my face. He finally breaks the silence with, “Why are you telling me this?”  
“I was just thinking about it.” I lean my neck back and look into his eyes. “I never talk about him or our relationship and I thought you might be curious or something.”  
“Why did you date him then if he was such an ass even before?” Sam moves his hand from my cheek to my shoulder.  
My eyes flutter down. “I’m not sure if I can answer that.”  
“Okay.” Sam says, sounding like it is anything but okay.   
I lift my eyes back up to his and shift my body so that I am straddling his lap. I lean in and touch my lips to his. “I’ve spent six years trying to answer that question Sam.”  
“And?”  
“I’ve never found a reason. All I know is I loved him. Love makes you do crazy things.”   
I rest my cheek on his chest, listening to his heartbeat.  
“Do you still love him?” Sam’s chest rumbles as he speaks.  
“Sam.”  
“Do you?”  
“I think I always will.” I feel Sam stiffen beneath me. “I still love you Sam.”  
“Do you love me more than him?”  
I pause for a moment. “Are you jealous?”  
“What? No, just curious.”  
“I love you different than I loved him.”  
“More or less though?”  
“Sam my love for Alex was beyond unhealthy. I was obsessed with him.”  
“So you loved him more.”  
I sit up, put my feet on the floor, and actually get up this time. I turn and face Sam. He is still leaning against the wall on my bed, but he looks hurt.  
Sam, go away.” I keep my voice calm, but I hear the hard edge in it.  
“What?” His face falls even further.  
“Get out of my room.” I walk over to the door and open it. He doesn’t move a muscle. “Now.”  
“What’s wrong with you?” He stands up as well and my confidence shrinks a bit under his shadow.  
“What’s wrong with me? What’s wrong with you?” I jab my finger into his chest. “You are acting like a child right now.”  
“Because I want to know who you love more?” He takes a step closer to me, but I don’t back down.  
“Yes. Sam, I love you, what more do you want?”   
“I want you to love me more.”  
“Why?”  
“Because.” I raise my eyebrows and cross my arms. “Because I love you more than anything.”  
“More than Dean?”  
“That’s different.”  
“Exactly. Just like how my love for Alex is different. You don’t see me getting pissy because you love Dean.”  
“I never dated Dean.”  
“Forget it. Just forget it.” Seeing as he isn’t going to leave, I do.   
I walk through the open door and out to the hallway, following it until I am standing outside the front door. The stars are out and the breeze sends chills down my bare arms.  
I expect Sam to follow me out, but he doesn’t. I sit down below a tree and lean my back against it. I feel warm tears fall down my cheeks, but I don’t move to brush them away.   
I knew this relationship was going to crack. I wanted to believe that Sam would be different, but I am still in the equation. There is a reason I never open up about Alex and seeing as how I am sitting outside in the dark crying, that reason hasn’t changed.   
I pick a rock up and toss it across the yard, never seeing or hearing it land, but knowing it did. Why hasn’t Sam come out? I know the answer is because I finally caused the end of us and he is beyond done with me, but I ponder the question anyways.  
“Emma, you out here?” Dean’s voice breaks the stillness. I say nothing, but he finds me anyways. “Come back inside, I’ve got popcorn ready for a movie.”  
“No thanks Dean.”  
“It wasn’t really an offer.”  
“I’m still not coming back in.”  
Dean sighs and sits down beside me, pulling me under his arm. “Wanna talk about it?”  
“No.”  
Dean accepts this answer and keeps his arm around me. I let myself snuggle into his body and I tell myself it is because I am cold.  
“See that?” Dean is pointing up at the stars.  
“Yeah, they are beautiful tonight.”  
“That’s Orion right there.”  
“Where?”  
Dean takes my hand and guides it till my finger is pointing at the constellation.  
“See it?”  
“Uh, no.”  
He continues to hold my hand out. “That right there is his bow and next to it is his body.”  
I tilt my head a bit, trying to see what he sees. I start connecting the stars with invisible lines. “I see him!”  
“Orion is a great warrior.”  
Dean lets go of my hand and I rest mine in my lap. “How do you know all this?”  
“I got into stars when Sam left for college. I read all kinds of books and spent every long night drive with dad trying to find them in the sky.”  
“How did I not know this?”  
“I don’t talk about it really.”  
We settle back into a comfortable silence. I scoot my body down so that my head is resting in Dean’s lap. I close my eyes and after a shiver, I feel Dean shift and his jacket cover my torso. I pull it up to my chin and snuggle my arms together.  
“He loves you a lot.” Dean breaks the silence. I don’t have a response, so I just stay quiet. “Before you guys started dating, he talked about you all the time. Hell, he still talks about you all the time. How your eyes sparkle when you get excited and how he started reading up on the human body so he could impress you and he even made me quiz him and shit.”  
“Oh.” Is all I can say. I know Sam loves me, but I never really thought about the before part, the part where we were just friends.  
“He even went out and bought like ten white shirts after you said he looked good in white. He may act like a total idiot sometimes, but he really does love you. I’ve never seen him act the way he does around you. You’ve made him into an even bigger softy than he already was.”  
I feel my eyes fill with tears again and my heart yearns for Sam’s. “Why are you telling me this?”   
“Because I don’t want you to give up on him. There are days where I want to walk out on him as well, but I don’t because he deserves to be happy.”  
“Are you happy?”  
“Seeing Sammy happy makes me happy, so yes. Yes, I am happy.”  
“Dean, you’re an amazing brother.”  
“Thanks baby sis.” He ruffles my hair.  
“Now go tell that big dork to come out here.”  
Dean carefully picks my head up and I sit up fully. He stands up, leaving his jacket around my shoulders.  
I breathe in the scent of Dean, which is far different from Sam, musky with a hint of whiskey. I stick my hands in the pockets and pull out a knife, a pack of gum, a pen, and three pennies. I shove everything back in and move my hands to the zipper.   
I am playing with it when Sam approaches. I can hear the leaves crunching under his boots. He stops in front of me and I know he is waiting for me to make the first move.   
I stand to my feet. “Sam, I’m sorry for getting mad at you. It is hard for me to talk about Alex, even still, and I can get emotional.”  
“Okay.” Sam toes the ground and keeps his hands in his pockets. I know he is still thinking about if I love him more or not.  
“You’re my Sam. You aren’t my Alex or my Dean or my Cas and I wouldn’t want it any other way. You are my Sammy. You’re the one I think about when I fall asleep at night and the one I run to when I’m scared and the one who holds my heart.” I stop rambling and pull his hands out of his pockets. I tangle our fingers together and step closer so that our bodies are touching. I lift my face so that my eyes look into his. “I am yours and you are mine and that’s all that matters.”  
I feel his lips on mine before I even see he has moved. His hands drop mine and one finds the small of my back, pulling me closer to him, while the other cradles my head. I place mine on the back of his neck, running my fingers through his hair. I step my toes onto his boots and pull him as close as I possibly can to me, letting my tongue wrestle with his.  
Sam breaks away from me and says, “Apparently I should piss you off more cause that was amazing. You drive me crazy with that mouth of yours.” I smirk at him. “Did you mean all of that?”  
“I never say anything I don’t mean.” I let my hands fall down his arms and back into his.  
“Em?”   
“Yeah?”  
“When I was little I never knew that it was odd for your big brother to take care of you until in class one day we read a book about a kid who’s parents took him out for ice cream. My teacher had us go around and share what our favorite thing to do with our parents was. I said I liked when Dean would build a fort around the motel TV and watched The Fox and the Hound with me. We had it on VHS and we brought it with us when we traveled.” Sam pauses, sighing. “My teacher asked what I did with my parents though. I said I only did fun things with Dean although dad let me pick out a new pocket knife last week and that was fun.”  
“Sam.” I hold him close in my arms.  
“The lady called social services, but dad, Dean, and I left before they got to our motel.”  
I rub my hands on his back. “Sam, I’m sorry.”  
“That’s not why I told you this story.” He moves his hands so that they are holding my face. “You shared something personal with me. I’m just doing the same.”  
“Does Dean know about that?”  
“Yeah. I had to explain why we needed to leave. He never told dad though. Just lied and said he had gotten into a fight at school and social services were coming over due to some crap the guy he had gotten into a fight with had said. Dad yelled at him a lot for that.”  
Sam drops his hands and shoves them back into his pockets. “Sam, you need to forgive yourself.”  
“I can say the same to you.”  
“I know.” I say softly.   
My hands release him and I go to move back, but his arms wrap around me and keep me pinned to his body.  
“You smell like Dean.” He takes the jacket and pulls it off me.   
Before I can complain that I’m cold, he draws me into himself. I rest my head on his chest and we stand like that for a while; his arms around me and mine on his chest.  
“Are we ever going to stop fighting?” Sam asks quietly.  
“I don’t know. All I do know is that we are both fighting for each other and we will always be doing that together.”  
Sam kisses the top of my head. “I want to stop.”  
“Sam?”  
“Yeah?”  
“I don’t know how to be in a relationship without fighting.”  
“It’s time you learned.”  
“Tell me something else about you that I don’t know.”  
Sam is quiet for a moment and I know he is thinking. “I don’t know Em, you know pretty much everything.”  
“Did you ever have a dream girl when you were little?” I ask quietly.  
“Yes.”  
“And?”  
“She was always beautiful, smart, funny, and a total badass. I used to picture us walking outside hand in hand with my eyes on her, watching her every move. She wasn’t a hunter, but she didn’t care that I used to be. We would have a dog and would be a cliché couple that watched sunsets and wished on shooting stars. She always had a huge smile on her face and she would turn and kiss me, lips softer than anything I had ever touched before.”  
His hand had lifted my chin so that I was looking at him during the course of his description. I think about Sam’s perfect girl and wonder if I even measure close to her. I like to think I’m funny and smart, but I’ve never even seen a shooting star. I bite down on my lip, trying to see how soft it is.  
“Emma.” He says, pulling my lip out of my mouth with his thumb before pushing his against mine. “Plus now I’m able to define her better. Her hair is curly and she likes wearing my shirts and she thinks llamas are funny animals.”  
I feel my cheeks growing a rosy red like they always do when Sam starts getting all mushy-gushy. “Sam.”  
“Em, I had this idea of an ideal woman and then I met you and she materialized.”  
“Sam, that is the cheesiest thing I have ever heard.” I roll my eyes. I like when Sam gets like this, but it can also be a bit suffocating because I know I don’t live up to his idea of me.  
“Emma I love you.”  
My lips meet his. “I love you more Sam.”  
He breaks his lips from mine. “What was your dream guy?”  
“Tall, smart, handsome, and dark-haired; someone who would hold me when I cried and someone who would give me little kisses whenever he could and someone who would make me a better person and of course happy.”  
“Are you happy?” He asks, running his hands up and down my arms.  
“Usually.”  
“Oh.” His voice falls along with his face.  
“Sam, I’ve realized it’s not someone else’s job to complete me and to please me. If I can’t be happy alone, I’ll never be happy with someone else.”  
“I want you to be happy.” His voice reveals the sadness within him and I kiss his lips, trying to cheer him back up.  
“Sam, I am happy. I do get sad, but that’s part of being me. I can’t expect you to make me happy all the time, that’s unfair to you and it’s not possible. You’re human, just like me.”  
“I want to make you happy.”  
“You do make me happy.” I say, kissing him again. “Do I make you happy?”  
“Of course.”


	6. Emma's POV

“I hate witches.” Dean mutters, cocking his gun and shutting the trunk of the impala.  
“Why don’t you get that as a shirt cause you say it all the damn time.” Sam huffs.  
“Stop bickering you two. All we have to do is go in and take this one witch out.” I say.  
This is a simple hunt. A witch had gone rogue out in Nevada, casting spells that seemed to have no link. There were things like winning the lottery, but also things like causing the neighbor’s gardener to explode. We hadn’t been able to find any kind of pattern except for Dean who said she was a crazy bitch.  
Dean motions for us to go forward and Sam walks up to the door, picking the lock. It swings open, revealing a dark hallway. I go to step in, but Sam butts in front of me.  
“Sam, I can hunt too.” I hiss, but he just puts his hand over my mouth to hush me.  
Dean points to the stairs and then the hallway. He takes the stairs and I follow Sam through the darkness. A thumping, as if someone is tapping their foot, comes from behind a door. Sam cracks it open and we see her. She is indeed tapping her foot and her face reveals that she knew we were coming.  
“Finally, you showed up.” She beckons for us to come in. Sam opens the door wide enough for him to slip in, closing it quickly behind him. “The girl too.”  
“No, she has nothing to do with this. Leave her alone.” Sam’s voice is quiet, but firm.  
“Doll, I need her.”  
“You need to die.”  
The witch lets out a laugh and I hear a loud thud. I throw open the door and see Sam on his back. I rush over, dropping to my knees. Blood trickles from where his arm connected with the edge of a desk.  
“Sam.” I grab his face and squish it between my hands.  
“Now I can try this spell out. I didn’t want anyone to miss out on the fun.” She laughs again, whipping an old, leather bound book.  
“Why are you doing this? What’s your plan?” I ask trying to stall her till I can get the gun out of the back of my jeans now that I know Sam is okay.  
“I’m just going page by page in this book. My grandma forgot to label what each spell does so I have to test each one out. It’s exhausting.” She sighs dramatically.  
She grabs a bowl and strides over to me. I grab my gun, but as I pull it out, she kicks it across the room. “Doll, don’t try to ruin the fun.”  
She takes my arm in her hand and drags a blade across, letting my blood drip into the bowl. She begins to chant in Latin.  
“Leave her alone.” Sam shoves me behind him, but it’s too late. The witch says the last word with a smile and our scenery changes.  
Everything around us swirls quickly and then slows to a stop, leaving Sam and I sitting on the ground in the ER of a tiny hospital. Six beds line the wall in front of us and the chatter of people behind us alerts me to the fact that the nurses station is behind me.  
“BP is 80 over 40 and still dropping,” A man says, pushing a gurney quickly down the hall towards Sam and I. Before we can move, he passes through us, pushing into the room one down to the right.  
“What the hell?” Sam says, standing up.   
I follow his lead. He keeps his hand on mine, when all the color drains from my face because I know exactly where we are.  
“Shit, we need to move, now.” I pull on Sam, but he doesn’t move.  
“Do you know what’s going on?” Sam takes a step towards the room.  
“Sam, we need to go.” He takes another step. “Stop, please stop.” Another step. “Sam, why won’t you listen to me?”  
Voices float out of the room.   
“…7500 milligrams of Zoloft.”  
“…need labs…”  
“…push fluids stat…”  
“…Emma…”  
Sam whips his head towards me at the sound of my name. I yank his arm again, but he pulls back and slides out of my hand. In three long strides he is through the curtain.  
I run to catch up to him, knowing it is too late to stop him.  
“Sam.” My voice catches in my throat and tears burn in my eyes.  
I see myself lying on the bed. This is six years ago when I tried to kill myself. My skin is ashen and my eyes half-closed. I hold tightly to the bag in my hand that I keep trying to vomit into, though nothing is coming up anymore. My hair falls over my face and a shudder rolls through my body. I am wearing a gray tank top and skinny jeans. My feet are bare and my toes have a bluish tint.  
“Emma, can you tell me what happened?” A man in a white coat asks me. He stands next to me, touching my arm when I don’t respond.  
“I can’t breathe.” I wheeze. My chest clenches up at the memory of my lungs closing up.  
“She has wheezing in both lobes, upper and lower.” A nurse reports, placing her stethoscope back around her neck.  
“200 mcg of Albuterol stat.” The doctor barks. A nurse scrambles out to get the needed supplies and medication. “Emma, what happened?”  
“I tried to kill myself.” I slur. An IV is started in my right hand, but I don’t even acknowledge the pain.  
“How?” I don’t respond, my eyes closing. The doctor shakes me and continues to question me, getting one or two word responses only. A nurse places a nebulizer onto my face.  
“Okay Sam, that’s enough.” I know what is coming next and I can’t bear to let him see it. I mean, I already look like shit, but I actually manage to look worse in a few minutes.  
“That’s you.” His voice is small and hard to pick out among the commotion of the room.  
“Yeah, let’s talk about it out there.”   
Sam doesn’t move however. He just stands there, eyes glued on the me in the bed.   
“Samuel.” My voice is sharp and he finally turns to look at me. His eyes are leaking tears and are blank, unreadable. His face is flat, like he doesn’t even have the energy to look sad. I instantly wish he would look away.  
“Hold on, we need to get her cleaned up.” A nurse says and I know the moment has come.  
I watch as the sheets are stripped off the bed beneath me, new ones put in their place. I watch as I shiver in the bed. I watch as my clothes are removed and a gown is put in their place. I stop watching however when my legs are spread apart, knees bent.  
“Sam, please don’t look.”   
He surprisingly abides and casts his vision to the floor. I turn my gaze back to the bed where a foley is being placed. I watch myself continue to shiver and grip my bag.  
“Her potassium is 2.9, hang IV potassium 6 milliequivalents an hour.” The doctor says, popping his head into the room and handing the nurse an IV bag.  
Suddenly the room begins to spin again. I grab Sam’s hand and a moment later the spinning stops, leaving us back in the dark house. Except this time Dean is kneeling beside us, while the witch is lying with a hole in her chest on the floor behind him.  
“What the hell happened to you two?” Dean asks, helping me to stand to my feet.  
I say nothing, but walk out to the impala, sitting down in the backseat. I close my eyes, trying to forget what I saw.  
“We were at the hospital when she tried to kill herself. It was like we were watching it, but we couldn’t interact.” Sam’s voice is low, but I can still hear him through the cracked window.  
“Is she alright?” Dean asks.  
“I don’t know.”  
“Go find out.” Dean nudges Sam towards the backseat, while he goes around front to the driver’s side.  
Dean gets in and starts the car. He clears his throat, but chooses not to say anything. Sam gets in and sits next to me.  
“You alright?” He asks, placing his hand on my leg.  
“Fine.” I mutter, brushing his hand off my leg.   
We pull out and begin the ten-minute drive back to the motel. Dean leaves the radio off and the car is deafeningly silent.  
“Emma.” Sam begins. His voice is heavy and I am not in the mood to delve into the secret recesses of my mind.  
“Don’t. Just don’t.” I turn and look out the window, trying to count the stars, but mostly trying to not focus on the growing tension in the impala.  
“Have a goodnight you two.” Dean says, stopping the impala and alerting me to the fact that we have arrived.   
I slide out of the impala, hoping to slink off before either of them sees, but Dean grabs my arm and pulls me into him.  
“Em, it’s going to be okay.” He whispers, kissing the top of my head and I know that’s his way of saying he loves me. “Talk to Sam, please.”  
I stand on my toes and lean into his ear, “Love you too.”  
Sam awkwardly coughs and I set my feet back on the ground and head into the room. I set my gun down on the nightstand, before sitting down and kicking off my boots.  
“Emma.” Sam is standing beside me.  
“I need to shower.” I say, pushing past him and heading to the shower.  
A hand on mine stops me. “Please talk to me.”  
“What do you want me to say? That I’m okay? Cause I am. I mean not at this second, but I’ll be fine.” I snap, trying to pull my hand from his, but he doesn’t let go.  
“You looked…” His voice trails off.  
“Horrible? Yeah, I know. For goodness sakes, I had you close your eyes when they shoved a catheter into me because I was incontinent and critical. That is the ugliest I have ever looked in my life Sam and is it really that bad that I don’t want you to see me like that?” I feel my heart speeding up and my cheeks are flushed, my gaze looking at the wall behind him.  
“Broken.” He finishes completely ignoring everything I just yelled.  
“What?” My voice is softer this time.  
“I just wanted to touch you and fix you, like Cas does. I wanted to pick up every piece of you and put them back together. I wanted-“ His voice cracks and my eyes look to his and I see tears again.  
“Oh Sam.” I press my lips together trying not to cry as well.  
“And I can’t do any of those things and I feel like a failure because you sure as hell deserve those things.” His fingers find my cheek and he lets them slide down, till they rest under my chin.  
“But Sam I love you.” I lean up to kiss him, but he turns his head and my lips only graze his cheek. I pull back, hurt. “What’s going on?”  
“I can’t.” His hand falls from my face.  
I feel the weight of every fear I have crash over me. Unconsciously I fall to the ground, sitting on the beige carpet that has bits of mud caked into it. I pull myself into a ball, pressing my face between my knees and let the tears fall.  
“Go sleep with Dean then.” I choke out.  
“Okay.” He says. I hear his footsteps reach the door and then hear it close behind him.  
I look up as if maybe he will actually still be here, but of course he isn’t. I let the tears fall harder because I didn’t think he actually would.  
I rest my chin on my knees, keeping my arms wrapped around my legs, as if being smaller means I might disappear. I hear a knock at the door and Sam comes back through.  
“Did you come for your stuff?” I spit out.  
“No.” Is all he says.  
I say nothing, too upset to yell at him.  
He sits down beside me and pulls me into his lap. I lean back against his chest, due to reflex, not because I want to.  
“I love you Emma.” He whispers in my ear.  
“Then why did you leave?”  
“I don’t want to hurt you. I’m afraid.” He let’s out a sigh. “Dean told me to get my ass back over here though because you need me.”  
I pull his arms around my stomach and let my head fall back so that my mouth is situated next to his ear. “You aren’t hurting me and I do need you.”  
“But I could. I don’t want to ever see you that way again.”  
“Sam, I’m getting better everyday. That was six years ago.”  
“But you haven’t had a boyfriend since then.”  
“Yeah, but I learned not to put my hope in them. Happiness cannot be dependent on something.” Sam stiffens beneath me. I uncross his arms and turn around, straddling his lap. “Just love me, Sam.”  
He presses his forehead against mine. “I do.”


	7. Sam's POV

I wake up the next morning with Emma wrapped around me, head lying on my chest. Her hair flows out and I sweep it up and tuck it under her neck.  
I think back to yesterday and the witch and traveling to Em’s memories. She says she is fine, but I don’t believe her. How can she be? I’m not and I wasn’t even the one dying. My body involuntarily clenches when I remember seeing the pain seared onto her face.   
“Sam?” Em lifts her face off my chest and opens her eyes, searching for my face.  
I set my hand on her cheek and kiss her forehead. “I’m right here.”  
She sits up suddenly, knocking my arm off her back. “Sam, yesterday…” She lets her voice trail off, getting out of the bed. She grabs my button down off the back of the chair and runs out of the room.  
I jump up, following her out. The sun has just risen and golden beams peek over the trees.  
“Emma, where are you going?”   
“I need to leave.” Her voice is full of panic and she begins walking down the sidewalk, away from the motel.  
“No, you don’t.”   
She stops. “I can’t.”  
“Can’t what?”  
“Talk about yesterday.”  
“We don’t need to. What the witch did was cruel, Em. I love you still.”  
“That’s not what I’m talking about.”  
“What?”  
“Yesterday, when we got back. I tried to run and hide, but you wouldn’t let me.” I nod. “And you said stuff, we said stuff, and I don’t want to talk about it. I want to run away and pretend it never happened.”  
“Emma.”  
“Sam, let me go.”  
I grab her wrist. “Never. What happened that is making you upset?”  
“I…” She stops, letting her eyes drop to the ground. “I let myself lose control and then you left and I don’t know how to fix this.”  
“There is nothing to fix. Em, I left because I thought that’s what you wanted.” I take her hands in mine. “Emma, I’m not mad at you. Honestly, I liked last night. I felt like you let your guard down completely and that has never really happened before.”   
“Can you just give me a few minutes though?” She pleads and I drop her hands, watching her walk past the motel and into the forest behind.  
I sigh and head back to Dean’s room. I open the door to find Dean sipping coffee.  
“Foods on the table.” He motions to the desk where several boxes are resting and two more cups of coffee. I pick one up and sit down on the edge of his bed. “Where’s Emma?”  
“She said she needed to take a walk.” I run my hand through my hair, letting the locks fall over my face as I rest my arms on my knees.  
“Is she coming back?” Dean asks.  
My mind panics at the thought that she might not, but I shake that thought away. “Of course.”  
Dean sits down beside me and rubs my shoulder. “Sammy, it’s going to be okay.”  
I say nothing just continue nursing my coffee. Dean stands up and putters around, packing up items and cleaning off weapons.  
“It’s been twenty minutes. Do you think I should-“ I start, but the door opening and closing startles me.  
I turn and see Em, smile on her face, still only wearing my button down. “Yum thanks, Dean.”  
“Are you alright?” I ask as Em opens a container and pours the little package of syrup over the pancakes.  
“Yep, just needed to clear my head. Sorry for freaking out on you.” She replies, not making eye contact.  
I set my cup down and walk over to her. “What’s going on?” I whisper into her ear, letting my body hold hers to mine.  
“Nothing.” She says a little too lightly, picking up her fork and placing a bite into her mouth.  
This motion causes the too-large sleeve to fall down a smidge on her arm and I see it. The edge of an angry red line. I grab her arm and yank up the sleeve before she can stop me.  
“Sam, what the hell? Let me go.” She twists hard, but my grip is tighter. I see line after line, seemingly never ending snaking up her arm. The blood has dried in dribbles and I know the wounds are fresh, probably made ten minutes ago. “Sam, I can explain.”  
I let her arm go and turn, punching my fist through the drywall. Dean grabs me, holding my arms down. “Sammy, calm down.” I struggle against his grip. “Hey, look at me. Take a deep breath.”  
I do and he lets me go. “Why?”  
“Why what?”  
“Don’t play dumb with me. Emma, why did you,” I struggle to find the words I want to say. “Why did you so that to yourself?”  
Her eyes flash and she yanks down her sleeve. “You wouldn’t understand.”  
“Help me to.”   
“I can’t. I need to go.” She tries to step past me, but I move, blocking the doorway. “Get out of the way. I’m not going to go slit my wrists, I just need to leave.”  
“That’s what you said last time.” I say reaching out and pulling her to me. She wiggles, but I hold her firm.  
“Sam’s right. You need to stay here with us.” Dean echoes, reaching out and grabbing onto Emma’s hand. She relaxes a bit and lets him hold onto her. “Let’s all just sit down and talk about this.”  
I let Em go and sit on the edge of the bed. She sits further up, resting her back against the wall, while Dean drags the chair up and faces us.  
“I swear, if this is some damn intervention-“ Emma starts, but Dean cuts her off.  
“Just tell us what happened.”  
She sighs and focuses on her hands, which are currently pulling on the edge of the sleeve of my shirt. “I woke up and remembered what happened yesterday. I was hysterical and lost control. This made me ashamed and so I ran. I sat down under a tree and felt a weight in this pocket.” She points to the pocket on the breast of the shirt and I curse quietly, my swiss army knife is in there. “I pulled this knife out and it was just like old times. I needed punishment and release.”  
“Punishment for what?” Dean asks like he is some kind of therapist.  
“For showing emotion and getting out of control.”  
“I don’t understand.” I say, reaching for her hand, but she smacks it away.  
“I don’t expect you to.” Her voice is sharp and her words cut into me, knives in my heart.  
“But I want to.” I plead.  
“I simply cannot lose control, Samuel. It is not acceptable and the only way I know how to cope with losing control is to cut.” Her voice has lost its edge and has simply become flat, as if this doesn’t phase her one bit.  
“It’s Sam.” I say quietly.   
“I know.”  
“Emma, when you hurt yourself, you hurt me.” I say.  
“I know. You think I’ve never heard this before?” She snaps. “Emma, don’t do that, you’re better than that. Emma, I’m here for you. Emma, just talk to me when you’re upset.” She mocks.  
“That’s all true.” I say softly.  
“Dammit, no it isn’t. You say it is, but it isn’t.” She yells, but her demeanor changes from aggressive to broken in the blink of an eye. She pulls her knees to her chest and wraps her arms around them. “They always say they won’t leave, but they do.”  
“I’m not going anywhere.” I say.  
She continues however as if I never spoke. “Every person who has said I can come to them when I go bat-shit crazy and need to cut has run out of my life.”  
I get up and sit beside her, pulling her shaking frame into mine. She wraps her arms around me and holds on tightly.  
“I will always be here.”  
“They said that too. You know what Alex said when he left me?” I shake my head no. “He said I had ruined his life and if he could no longer love me then no one would be able to.”  
“That dick.” My chest feels tight, but before I can move, Dean is placing his hand on my arm.  
“Sam, calm down.” He says. He gestures over to Emma. “She needs you.”  
I nod my submission and Dean heads out, giving us some privacy.  
“Sam, I want to show you something.” Emma says softly.  
“Alright.” I reply, just as soft.  
She pulls out from under my arms and sits up. “This isn’t sexual, okay?” I nod. “Okay?”  
“Okay.”  
She pulls the shirt off over her head in one fluid motion, leaving her sitting in her bra and underwear. My vision focuses on the sea of red on her arm. I reach out, running my finger lightly over the ridges.   
“These are my scars.” She takes my hand and runs it over her shoulders, wrists, hipbones, and stomach.  
I take a deep breath in as my stomach churns. I feel as if my heart is being ripped in two and then stomped on. I ache like I have never ached before, in a way that words cannot do justice.  
“Emma.” That’s the only word I can say because no others can communicate what I want to say to her. I wrap my arms around her and pull her as tight to myself as I can, as if I can love the pain out of her.  
“Sammy?” Her voice is small and afraid.  
“Yeah?” I run my hand through her hair and rub circles on her back.  
“Don’t let me go.”  
“Never.” I say pressing a kiss into her hair.


	8. Emma's POV

The week passes by uneventful. I’m still shaken up about my meltdown with Sam, but I am doing my best to move on. Sam is making it hard though.  
“Shirt off.” Sam says and I roll my eyes.  
“You didn’t even buy me dinner first.” I laugh.  
“Shirt off.” He repeats without a trace of humor.  
“No.” I’m getting tired of his constant need to assess me.  
“Emma.”  
“I have nothing to hide, I’m just tired of you monitoring me like I’m five.” I grab the base of my shirt though and yank it over my head. “Happy?”  
His eyes survey my body and when he is satisfied that I haven’t carved my skin up, he nods. I put my shirt back on and sit down in the library where I was going to do research.  
“Are you decent? Can I come in?” Dean calls.  
“Not unless you are going to help with research.” I call back.  
Dean appears in the doorframe. “Absolutely not.”  
I crumple up a piece of paper and throw it at him. It bounces off his shoulder and lands on the step. “Then go away.”  
“Rude.” Dean comes down and walks over to where I am sitting. Sam finally decides on a book and sits across from me.  
“Can I help you?” I ask as Dean looms over me.  
“Let’s do something.” He whines. “We got back three days ago and haven’t found a case. I’m going stir-crazy.”  
“You already were crazy.” Sam butts in.  
“Sorry Dean, I’m not up to getting hammered or screwin’ someone tonight.” I say, not taking my eyes off the screen.  
Sam awkwardly coughs, but I pretend not to hear him.   
“Fine, I’ll call Cas and have fun without you two.” Dean walks out of the room.  
“Want to have a movie night tonight?” I ask Sam.  
“Sure. Let’s finish up here first.”


	9. Sam's POV

“I am beyond ready for this movie.” Em says, taking a sip of her wine and laying her head on my chest.  
I place one arm around her and press play with the other.   
“What movie is this?” I ask, forgetting again.  
“Sam, we are watching The Lion King. I still cannot believe you have never seen this movie.”  
“I didn’t really have a childhood.”  
“Shut up and watch the movie.”  
The music begins to play and all the animals begin to dance. I feel Em humming along.   
I keep my arm around her, my hand now clasped around a beer. It feels a bit strange to be drinking while watching a kid’s movie. I sink back into the couch a bit more though and let myself enjoy this moment.  
“Dad? You gotta get up. Dad? We gotta go home.” Little Simba says on TV. Wow, this movie is a downer.  
I feel Emma start shaking on me. I feel hot tears drip onto my thin shirt. She wipes her eyes and sips her wine.  
“It’s just a movie Em.” I say kissing her head.  
“Sam, movies are much more than just something on a screen.” She pushes her face into my shirt, breathing deep.  
I forgot how into movies she gets. I keep my mouth shut, stroking her hair for the rest of the film.  
“What did you think?” She asks as the credits roll.  
“It was good. Better than I expected.” I am not lying. This movie actually had depth and meaning.  
“And I just can’t wait to be king!” She sings, hopping off the couch and spinning in a circle.  
“Are you drunk?” I ask, reaching out to steady her.  
“No.” I point to the half empty bottle of wine. “No, I’m really not.”  
She walks a straight line in front of me. Well she attempts to walk a straight line and she mostly succeeds except for a little stumble at the end.  
“Okay, you are just acting drunk then.” I say, wanting her to slow down. I have never seen Emma drunk and from the way she is acting I think she is just a bit tipsy. Emma hold’s her liquor really well and has drunk way more than this without actually getting drunk before.  
“I’m just emotional.” She shrugs and takes the wine bottle, placing it in the fridge. “Oh, sorry about your shirt.”  
I look down. Besides tears, mascara is also smeared on, black against the stark white color. I pull it over my head and drop it on the floor. “Look, it’s gone, no problem.”  
She turns around and stops. “What are you doing?”  
“Taking off my shirt?”  
“Why?” I then remember our conversation a few months ago about sex. How she didn’t want to. She must think I am coming onto her or something. “No, it’s not what you think.”  
“Come here.”   
I walk to where she is standing at the top of the three steps that lead into the library. She wraps her arms around me and stares into my eyes, which is even hotter since we are at eye level. She leans in and kisses me, leaving me breathless. I pull back and she leans forward, kissing me again, and again, and again till our tongues are dancing and my heart is bursting in my chest. She moves her hands to my chest, running her fingers up and down.  
“Wow.” I say, feeling my lungs fill up with air again as she pulls back. She looks at me and bites her lip. She drops her arms and pulls off her shirt leaving her chest bare except for a blue bra.   
I am about to say something when she puts her hands on my chest again, pushing me back until I fall back on the couch. She climbs on top of me, lips on mine. My hands get lost in her hair, while hers are stuck in mine.  
She breaks away again and sits up. I stare up at her, completely turned on, but not knowing what is going to happen.  
She reaches behind her and throws her bra behind the couch.   
“Em, you must be drunk.” I say as if that will stop her. I know I should stop her, but her breasts are beautiful and I don’t want to. It’s hard loving someone and not being able to touch them or show them.  
She shakes her head. “No, I want you Sam. I want you, all of you.”  
And with that I scoop her up and carry her to our bed. Sure we have slept together, but that was truly just sleeping.   
I lay her on our bed and she pulls off her shorts and underwear, lying completely exposed on our bed. Her eyes dance over my body and I will myself to stand still.  
“Are you sure?” I still feel like I am doing something wrong. My body yearns to be with hers, but my mind keeps my feet still.  
She doesn’t answer, but pulls my pants down and yanks me down on top of her. I can’t hold back now. My hands roam over every inch of her beautiful skin.  
“Are you sure?” I repeat.  
She stops, looks me dead in the eye and says, “Yes.” I raise my eyebrows. “Yes, Sam I am sure.”  
“Shit, I don’t have a condom.”  
“So?” She pushes her lips onto mine and I am lost in paradise.


	10. Emma's POV

I wake up the next morning with a massive headache and Sam’s arm over mine, touching my chest. Wait, touching my chest? I sit up, head pounding, and realize I am completely naked.  
I get out of bed quickly, seeing my pants on the floor and realize that Sam’s are on top of mine.  
“Oh shit.” I whisper.  
“Em, what are you saying?” Sam sits up in bed, running his hand through his hair, bare-chested, and I realize he is naked too.  
I put the pieces together as I am running to the bathroom to vomit. You idiot, you got drunk and had sex. I mentally kick myself as my stomach heaves over and over, acid stinging my throat.  
I flush the toilet and shut the door. I lean up against it after pulling a towel around myself. I feel tears slide down my cheeks, but luckily I am not making a sound.  
Sam knocks on the door. “Em, are you okay?”  
“Please go away.” I had freaking sex with that man. I mean, I love him, but I didn’t want to have sex yet. I wanted to wait till marriage. Which is probably dumb in this day and age, but it was the one thing I had never compromised on before. Sam and I had even talked about it before and he respected my decision. The tears fall harder when I realize that means he knew that I didn’t want to, but did it anyways.  
“Emma, you’re scaring me. Let me in.” Sam’s voice is a bit louder. He sounds panicked.  
“No.” I say firmly, knowing fully that he won’t listen to me.  
“I’m coming in.” He throws his body weight against the door and since I didn’t lock it, I go rolling across the floor as he flies in. He, thankfully, is wearing boxers now.  
I sit up, wrap the towel tighter, and face the wall. I can feel Sam towering over me, but I hold my stance. Tears still roll down my cheeks and I breathe in deep, trying to get a hold on my heart.  
“Are you crying?” Sam sounds shocked, like he had no clue I would react like this.  
“You complete ass.” I jump up and push him, meaning my towel falls. He stumbles back a bit, knocked off balance by my unexpected reaction. I then shove past him, grabbing a shirt off the floor, and head back to my old room.  
“Emma.” Sam follows me. I hear his feet patter across the floor as he hurries to catch up with me.  
“You took complete advantage of me. I said I didn’t want to have sex, but then I wake up butt-naked in your bed.” I slap him, furious that he would do this.  
“You said you wanted to.” He rubs his cheek, which is already turning red.  
“I was drunk!” I yell, crossing my arms over my chest.  
“Shit, I didn’t know.” Sam looks like a puppy that has just been kicked. It’s a face that normally breaks me down, but right now I am too ticked off to care. I almost feel glad he is hurt.  
“Dammit, keep it down you two.” Dean pops his head out of his room. “Oh, Sammy, way to get it finally.”  
“You two are complete asses.”   
“Sammy, how bad in bed are you? She is pissed.”  
I ignore him, and run into my room, throwing on underwear and leggings and then run out of the bunker. I head into the trees behind the bunker, kicking up leaves with my bare feet.   
How could I be so stupid? I knew Sam wanted to have sex and then I had to go and get drunk and let him. I kick at the ground and yelp when my foot strikes something. I lift it up and see a stick poking out of my toe. “Great, that is just great.” I sigh and sit down, yanking the stick out and seeing the little beads of blood that chase after it. The cut is small and definitely won’t need stiches, but it hurts like hell. “Dammit.” I throw the stick.   
“Emma.” Sam says behind me. I don’t move and I hear him walk around till I see his feet in front of my face. He isn’t wearing any shoes either. “Can we talk about this?”  
“Go away, Samuel.” I refuse to look up at him.  
“Emma-“  
“I said go away.”  
He sighs. “I’m checking your arms when you come back in.”  
“You’ll be lucky if I even come back. I hate you.” As soon as the words leave my mouth, I want to take them back. Instead I bury my face into my arms that are wrapped around my legs.  
“I’m sorry.” I hear Sam’s voice crack and I look up to see tears on his cheeks. He turns and begins walking away.  
“I, I didn’t mean it, Sam.” I whimper. “I love you. I love you so damn much. Please don’t leave me.”  
I sit up and he sits down in front of me. He is only wearing a pair of shorts. I know this isn’t his fault. I got drunk and probably convinced him to have sex with me. All I am certain of is that this is my fault. The blood trickling down my big toe only serves to reinforce this point. “Sam, I am sorry.” I keep my eyes on my hands, wanting him to leave so I can wallow in my self-loathing, but I also want him to stay because I don’t want to be alone.  
“You’re sorry?” He grabs my hands, but I pull back.  
“Yes. This is my fault. I got drunk and said this was okay.” I never noticed a little scar about a millimeter long on the knuckle of my right pinky.  
“Shit. I knew you were drunk.” He groans, repeating what he said earlier. “But this is my fault. I knew that’s not what you wanted, but I let it happen anyways.”  
I know I am overreacting. Out of all the things that could happen to me, this really isn’t that horrible. “Can we just forget that night never happened?”  
No.” His answer surprises me and I look up. He leans over to kiss my head, but then stops. “Your toe.”  
“It’s nothing.”   
He runs his thumb over the cut, wiping away the excess blood. “Doesn’t look like nothing.”  
“I’m fine.” I sigh and close my eyes. I hear him stand up, when suddenly I am in the air, Sam’s hands under my back and legs. “What the hell?”  
“You need to get that toe bandaged.” He says simply, walking back to the bunker.  
“I can walk.”  
“I know. I want you to know that I am always here to carry you home.” He kisses my forehead and I close my eyes.


	11. Emma's POV

I hear the flutter of wings behind me. Cas. I am sitting in the bunker, watching the morning news while sipping my coffee. Right now there is a story on about a kidnapping about two hours from here; I’m trying to decide if it’s a case or not and so far it seems like it’s not.  
“Cas!” I jump up and almost knock him over in a hug. I haven’t seen him since he sent Sam and I on our date. Over six months ago. He was out on some angel mission, like always.  
“Hello Emma. How are things with you and Sam?” He asks, letting me hug him, but not hugging back.  
“Well, thanks to you, wonderful. We’ve had our differences, but that’s to expect when you throw the two of us together.” I shrug. That is a mild summary of our past.   
“Oh, clearly things are going well.” Cas reaches out and touches my stomach. He lets his fingers run down and then drops his hand to his side.  
“Cas? What was that?” I am used to the angel’s weirdness, but this is crazy even for him.  
“The baby. Obviously you two have had sex, which I know is a mark of love. Well, not with Dean, but with other humans.” Cas is just babbling on, but I am stuck on that one word.  
“Baby?” I whisper. Shit, I am not ready to be a parent.   
“You didn’t know?” Cas looks confused.  
“No. How could I?” I suddenly think that Cas is joking. Laughingly I say, “Oh Cas you got me.”  
“Got you?” He echoes.  
“That prank. I fell for it.”  
“I’m not joking. I see the little soul right there.” He touches me a few inches below my belly button.  
Everything in the room starts to spin. I sit down on the couch, shaking like a leaf. I can’t be pregnant, I just can’t. This can’t be happening. I got drunk once and Sam and I had sex and it was a huge mistake. We tried to put it behind us, but I guess that didn’t work. We still haven’t talked about that night and I have been sleeping in my room. Our relationship is on the rocks and now this.   
“Emma, why are you scared?” Cas sits next to me. His tan trench coat bunches up around him. His back is stiff and he looks like he has a rod down the back of his shirt.   
“I can’t be a mom.” I grab the angel and hold on to him, my arms around his neck, face buried in his tie. His posture loosens a bit, as he lets me fall into him, his hand on my back.  
“Yes you can.” He rubs my shoulder blade and it actually feels good.  
“No, Cas I mean I won’t be good.” I let out a sigh. “This was not supposed to happen.”  
“I know what you meant. Emma, you are a good person. You and Sam will raise this child well.” He moves his hand up and rubs my head, sort of like he is petting a dog, but I roll with it, knowing this is his way of comforting me.  
I hear a cough. “Am I interrupting something?” Dean asks.  
“Nope.” Cas helps me to sit up. “Emma is pregnant. That is all.”  
I leap off the couch. “Shit, Cas. Just blab my secret to the world.” I can feel my palms getting sweaty and my face heats up.  
“You’re what?” Dean looks as shocked as I must have. His eyes are wide and his mouth hangs open, a deer in headlights.  
“Apparently Sam and I are going to be parents.” I am still moving away from them, as if that will distance me from this truth. My feet shuffle backwards and I have my hands up, as if to protect myself.  
Dean doesn’t say anything, his mouth still hanging open.  
“It was nice to see you two. I will check back in later.” Cas says, the flapping of wings alerting us to his departure.  
“Okay, wow, a baby.” Dean runs his hand down his face.   
“You can’t tell Sam.” I am not ready to tell him. He doesn’t want kids either. That one night has now really screwed us. I am still trying to figure out how to get us off the rocks, not throw us into the waves.  
“Why?”  
“Just don’t.”  
“Okay. It’s your information.” He walks up to me and looks at my stomach. “Hey little guy. I’m your Uncle Dean.”  
“Hey guys, I’m back.” Sam is home from the store.  
“Don’t say anything.” I hiss.  
Dean raises his hands in surrender.  
I feel my phone buzz and see mom is calling. “Not one peep.” I jab my finger into Dean, while answering my phone with the other.  
“Hey Em.” I hear mom say through the phone.  
“Hi mom.” I reply, walking down the hall and into my room, closing the door behind me.  
“What’s wrong?”  
“Huh? Nothing. Why did you call?” I try to change the subject.  
“Just to say hi. What’s going on?”  
I take a deep breath. “Mom, I’m pregnant.”  
I don’t hear anything for a moment and then I hear a little squeal. “Congrats Em. This is so exciting. When did you find out? What did Sam say?”  
“Mom I literally just found out like a three minutes ago, Cas told me.” I settle down on my bed, tucking my feet under the blanket at the end.  
“What about Sam though, what did he say?” She pushes.  
“Nothing, I haven’t told him yet.”  
“Well, when do you plan on telling him he is going to be a father?” I say nothing. “Em, you are going to tell him right?”  
“Someday.”  
“Why not now?”  
“Because I don’t want him to break up with me.”  
“Em, he isn’t going to do that, he loves you.” Mom’s voice is soft and soothing. “He would want to know and I know he’ll be excited.”  
“You can’t be sure.”  
“Em, you can’t go through this alone.”  
I suddenly find myself incredibly annoyed. “I’ll tell him when I’m ready, okay?”  
“Yeah. I love you sweetie, let me know how it goes?”   
“Okay and love you too.” I hang up and flop back onto my bed. I give myself a few moments to collect myself before going out to face Sam.  
………  
“Good morning beautiful.” Sam traces my cheekbone with his pointer finger, making my skin tingle. In an attempt to fix our relationship, I have begun sleeping in Sam’s bed again. It’s helping, but there is still an elephant in the room and now that damn elephant has had a child. Literally.   
“Hey.” Then the urge hits. The urge to vomit. The past few days have been hell with morning sickness. I get up and run to the nearest bathroom, the one connected to our bedroom, bending down over the toilet.  
“That stomach virus is still bothering you?” Sam calls from our bed. I like the way that sounds, our bed. Together.  
“Yeah.” The thought of telling him crosses my mind, but I shove it away like I have every other time it has come up. Like every second of every day. I have this fear that if I tell him, he will leave me standing there and I’ll never see him again. Is it still called a fear if you know that is what will happen? I have barely pulled this relationship out of reach of the waves, if I tell him, I’ll be sinking alone.  
Suddenly Sam’s strong hands are on my back, rubbing my shoulder blades. The word pregnant almost escapes my lips. “Why don’t you take it easy today. This thing is kicking your butt.”  
I just nod, not turning to face him. He lifts me up and I follow him to the kitchen. I keep thinking of ways to tell him, but the words are trapped deep inside me. Locked up by fear.  
“Morning sleeping beauty and little miss sunshine.” Dean sings as we walk in. “Still got your daily morning sickness going on I see.” He has been dropping hints constantly, but Sam hasn’t picked up. “Wonder how long it will last.”  
“She is sick, leave her alone.” Sam interjects.  
“Oh, she’s not alone.” His eyes crinkle up as he lets out a snicker.  
“Dean Alexander, if you say one more word, I will kick your ass.” I am beyond done with his stupid little jokes. I hear Dean snicker again as he sips his coffee and I know he is smirking at me, but I refuse to look at him.  
“Seriously Dean, she isn’t feeling well.” He walks me over to the couch. “Just lay down Em, I’ll get you something to eat.” I lay back on the couch and he places a blanket over my body and kisses my forehead.  
“When are you going to tell him?” Dean whispers in my ear.  
I jump a little; unaware he was even there. “Not now.”  
“He would want to know.” Dean’s words echo Mom’s and I know they are both right, but I don’t want to lose Sam. I keep saying just a few more moments with him, but I may end up never telling him. Not like that will work, he’d find out.  
“Yeah and he will know if you keep saying stupid shit like I am not alone.” I glare at him.  
“Wow, hormonal.”  
I smack his arm. “You’re a dick.”  
“At least I am trying to be a honest dick. You are a lie with a bonus package.” He retorts.  
I get off the couch and hit him again. “Go away.”  
“I am trying to prevent a massive fight.” He holds my arms down at my sides. “I am just trying to help.”  
“I don’t need your help. I know what I’m doing.” I keep my voice low, but that doesn’t hide the anger.  
“Yeah, like you knew what you were doing when you ran out on your date or when you pissed him off with the blood for the spell or when you sliced your arm after the flashback with the witch.” Dean still has a hold on me, but I manage to wiggle out. I don’t need Dean reminding me that I have screwed this relationship up and the reason it is falling apart is because of me.  
“I will tell him when I am ready and if you say one more stupid comment, I will slit your throat.” My face is inches from Dean’s and I stare him down, trying to get him to back off first. I know he is right, but I am still in denial this is even happening.  
“Tell who what? And why are you threatening my brother?” Sam asks, placing a mug of coffee and two pieces of buttered toast on the table by the couch.  
“Here’s your chance. Bye.” Dean darts off before I can smack him again. I throw a book at him, but it misses by mere centimeters.  
“Em, what aren’t you telling me?” Sam grabs my hand.  
“Nothing.” I sit down and take a bit of the toast. I stare at the other piece on the plate so I don’t have to look at him.  
“We promised to always be honest with each other.” Sam sits beside me and takes my hand again. Now he is playing the honesty promise card. He must be desperate to know. “You can tell me anything, you know that.”  
“I’m…I’m-“ My voice cracks and I cannot say the second word.  
“You’re what?” His eyes are full of concern and he pulls me in under his arm. “Em, whatever it is, we will figure it out. I will always love you.”  
We sit in silence for a few minutes, me trying to work up the courage to say that one little word.  
“Pregnant.” I whisper finally, so quietly I think maybe he didn’t hear.  
“Are you sure?” He whispers back. As if speaking the words too loud will solidify it’s truth.  
“Yes. Cas told me.” I am crying for the first time since I was told, my tears soaking Sam’s white shirt. “I’m sorry.”  
“Sorry?” He sounds confused.  
“Yeah. I know this isn’t what you wanted, what we wanted. I got drunk and made a mistake and now this.” I climb into his lap, legs straddling him, clinging to him. My hands grab his shirt and I prepare for the break up, preparing to cling to him.  
“Emma, I’m not mad, I’m just shocked.” He rubs my back.  
“Me too. Please don’t break up with me.” I let my tears fall onto his shoulder where my face is buried.  
“Why would you ever think I would do that?” His voice is serious.  
“Because this is all my fault and you don’t need to be weighed down by this burden.” My voice is shaking.  
“You are not a burden. You never were and you never will be.” I feel his words rumble through his chest. He lifts my chin up and wipes away my tears with his thumbs. “Hey, we are going to get through this together. I love you.” He kisses my lips and then places his hand over my entire stomach. “And I love you too.”


	12. Sam's POV

We are on our way back from a hunt and I am desperate to get home. Emma told me she was pregnant and then the next day there was a werewolf attack out in Washington. Dean and I have been gone for nine days and I just want to be home kissing her.  
“So what are you going to name the baby?” Dean asks, turning off the highway, meaning we are 20 minutes out.  
“I don’t know. We barely even talked about it yet.” I sigh. I had been trying to call Emma all week, but she hadn’t been picking up much. She kept saying she was busy.  
“You should name him Dean.”   
“What if it’s a girl?”  
“Deana.”  
“That is the shittiest name I have ever heard.”  
“No, Samantha would be worse.”  
I smack his arm. “It’s up to the parents anyways. Uncles have no say.”  
“Hey, I knew she was pregnant before you did, so I should get some say.” Dean shoves me back.  
He just had to bring that up. How Em tells him things before me.  
“Sorry Sam, didn’t mean to piss you off. You know she was just nervous and wanted to tell you in a perfect way. And she was scared, is scared.”  
I wave him off. “Just get me home to my babies.”  
We drive the rest of the way listening to Dean’s music. I let the wind blow in my hair. “Dean, stop the car.”  
“What?” Dean slams on the brakes.  
“I need to get her stuff. Like stuff that helps babies.” I have no idea what babies need, but I decide I need to do something.  
“Damn it man, you scared me.” Dean turns into the convince store just a mile from our house. He parks and we head in. “So what are we getting?”  
“Well what does it need?”  
“The fetus? Hell if I know.” Dean wanders down an aisle, tossing a pie in and a bag of chips.   
I grab a box of chocolate.  
“I don’t think it needs that.”  
“No, but Em likes it.” I grab a bouquet of roses as well.  
“As long as we get beer, I don’t care.” Dean heads to the back of the store. I follow and we walk down the vitamin aisle.  
“Vitamins! They have to have some pregnant ones here.” I run my finger over the labels searching for the word pregnant.  
“I think you mean prenatal.” A girl’s voice says behind me.  
I turn and a worker with long blonde hair is handing me a bottle.  
“Thanks.” I toss it in Dean’s basket.  
“First one?”  
“Yeah.”  
“I can tell. Don’t worry, as long as your girl is smiling, you both will be fine.” She pats my arm.  
I thank her again, Dean and I check out, and drive back.  
“Emma, I’m home.” I announce, swinging the door open.   
“I missed you.” She runs down the hall and jumps into my arms. I plant a kiss on her lips as I place her on the floor.  
“Move love birds.” Dean brushes past us, placing the bags on the counter.  
“I got you some stuff Em.” I hand her the vitamins first. “For the baby,” Then I hand her the flowers and chocolates. “And for you.”  
She brings the flowers to her nose and breathes in. “Thanks Sam. I have a surprise for you too.” She holds a badge up for me to read. “I got a job!”  
“What?” I take the card from her. It reads Emma Anderson RN, Apple Hospital. “Wow.” I say in shock.  
She grabs my hand. “Are you mad? I just thought that since I won’t be going on any hunts,” She rubs her belly. “I could do something else to fill my time. Plus it feels good to be earning an honest living.”  
“No, that’s great.” Inside I am relieved that I won’t have to fight her on going on hunts.


	13. Sam's POV

“I still don’t get why she has to come.” I grumble to Dean.   
We are about nine hours out from the bunker and hunting a Djinn. Emma insisted on coming, even though she said she was done with hunting.  
“Because she thinks your sorry asses need help.” She leans over the map where possible locations are circled.  
“Actually it’s just his sorry ass.” Dean adds, elbowing me. I know he thinks I need to lighten up.  
“Alright, me and Dean will take this warehouse and you can take that one.” Em says, pointing to two different buildings.  
“Why aren’t you coming with me?” I ask.  
“Because I want to hunt and with you, I never get to do anything.” She sasses.  
“And I’m taking baby, so you have to take the smaller building that is within walking distance.” Dean concurs.  
“Fine.” I sigh, grabbing my knife dipped in lamb’s blood. Thankfully, it had dried, so I put it in my back pocket.  
Em grabs my arm. “I love you, Sam. Be safe.” She places her lips on mine and my anger melts away.  
“I love you too.” I murmur back.  
She gets in baby and I head off to the building.  
The walk is short, about ten minutes. The sky is black and the air is cold. I wrap my arms tighter around my chest.  
The building is like all abandoned buildings: big, dark, and dilapidated. Why couldn’t monsters ever hang out at the spa?  
I push the door open and slip inside. As my eyes adjust to the darkness, I see a completely empty room except for a few scattered tables, chairs, and papers. I flip one over and see it is a newspaper from 1998.   
“Ah, Sammy. Nice of you to show.” A gravely voice says as a twenty-something year old, bald, fully tattooed man walks into the open area.   
“Ah, the Djinn. Nice of you to show as well.” I mock, wrapping my hand around my blade.  
We both move towards each other at the same time. The Djinn grabs my arm, knocking the blade to the floor. He kicks it and I lunge after it, aware that I have seconds before I am transported into another world. I twist and break out of his grasp, grabbing my knife and sinking it into his chest at the exact moment he pounces. I watch the light leave his eyes and shake his dead body off.  
I press Dean’s name on my phone. “I found him and killed him.”  
“Damn, Sammy, that was fast. See you back at the hotel then.” Dean says in a breathy voice. I would have thought it was his I’m-in-the-middle-of-hooking-up-voice, but I must have misheard. He was probably just exhausted from being up all day, driving here.  
I tried to shake the feeling that this hunt was too easy on my way back to the motel. Even if the hunt was that easy, I’m glad it was me that found the Djinn and not Emma.  
I place my key in the lock, knowing I have beaten them back by at least ten minutes. That means I can have the shower first, which I deserve seeing as I have Djinn blood splattered all over my navy and gray flannel.  
“God that feels good.” I hear Dean growl as I swing the door open. How the hell did he make it back already and have someone to hook up with? Then it hits me. He never went with Emma on the hunt.  
“You dick, I cannot believe you let her go by herself so you could have sex with some bimbo.” I shout, flinging the door open.   
The sight before me is not what I expected and not in a good way. Sprawled out on his bed, Dean and Emma are completely naked, bodies entangled in a way that sends knives into my stomach.  
They both turn, deer-in-the-headlights look on their faces. The slight swell of Emma’s stomach reminds me she is screwing my brother while carrying my child.   
“Well this is awkward.” Dean remarks, but without making a move to remove his body from Emma’s.   
“What the hell?” I shout, storming across the room in three long strides. I feel anger rise inside my chest, followed by panic and immense pain.  
“I didn’t want you to find out like this.” Emma says softly. She brushes a lock of hair off her face, rolling so she is no longer under Dean.  
“Find out? How long has this been going on?” My voice is still booming.  
“You don’t want to know.” She replies.  
I run my hand through my hair and then turn, storming out of the room.  
“Sam, wait.” I hear Emma call. I keep walking, but she grabs my arm and steps in front of me. At least she has the decency to put a sheet around herself. “Sam, I’m sorry. I truly am.”  
“So am I.” I spit out.  
“I love Dean and I love you, but I want you to be my friend and I want him to be my…” She lets her voice trail off.  
“Fuck buddy?” I finish.  
“You know I hate that word.”   
“Yeah, well I hate when the love of my life screws my brother.” I turn and storm off and this time she lets me.  
Before I know it, I am standing back in the empty warehouse. I see the Djinn lying on the floor and I almost wish I hadn’t killed him, so that he could transport me to another world. Another world where Emma still loved me. I sink to the ground, letting my head fall back against the wall.  
“Sam, Sam wake up.” Emma is quieter than I think because my eyes snap open to see her shaking me, tears streaming down her face. I never even heard her enter. “Thank God, I thought I lost you.” She kneels before me, placing her lips on mine.  
I refrain from kissing her back, not knowing what game she is playing. I shove her back and watch as her eyes go wide as she hits the concrete ground.  
“Sam, what the hell man?” Dean asks, holding onto me as I try to run out of the room.  
“Wow, that’s low. Asking me what’s wrong?” I push on him hard, but he doesn’t budge.  
“Sam, what’s going on?” Emma is back on her feet and her hand is reaching out, caressing my arm.  
“You two are complete asses you know that?” I give Dean one hard shove and he let’s go, stumbling back. I take that as my opportunity to run.  
“Samuel David, stop.” Emma’s voice is sharp, but I keep moving. “Are you mad cause I went with Dean?”  
I stop and turn back. She is standing just a few feet behind me, tears still streaming down her face. “You think?”  
“Sam, we were just hunting.” She steps towards me.  
“Just hunting.” I laugh bitterly. “Did you even leave the motel?”  
She scrunches her face up. “Yes. We tried to call you and when you didn’t answer we came and found the Djinn standing over you. Dean knifed him and I’ve been trying to wake you for five minutes.”  
Now it’s my turn to scrunch up my face. I ponder her words for a moment. “You can’t lie your way out of this. I saw you.”  
“Saw me what?” She pushes. She crosses her arms over her chest and tries to stay tough, but the tears on her cheeks betray her.  
“I saw you, you and Dean…” I cannot even bear to finish the sentence.  
“Me and Dean what?”  
“Having sex.” I say, the words burning as I spit them out.  
Emma’s eyes go wide for a second before she charges at me. She wraps her arms around me. “That would never happen Sammy.”  
My mind is reeling at the scene before me. Is she telling the truth? “But it did.”  
“No, it didn’t. Besides, I would never sleep with some loser like Dean.” She smirks.  
“Princess, everyone wants to get in these pants.” He smirks right back. “And Sammy, I’m not suicidal. I mean, if I wanted to die, I wouldn’t do it by sleeping with your girl.”  
I’m not convinced, but I let them lead me back to the hotel. I settle into one of the beds, not bothering to undress. I feel the bed shift and a warm body press into mine.  
“Sam, what did you see?” She asks quietly, letting her fingers dance over my chest as her head rests right over my heart.  
“I don’t want to talk about it.”  
She looks up at me. “Okay.”  
She lays her head back down and my hand wants to move to her hair, but it doesn’t.  
“I killed the Djinn and then came back to the motel and I saw,” My voice becomes thick and I take a deep breath. “I saw you and Dean having sex, on that bed.” I point.  
“Oh, Sam.” Is all Emma says. She wraps her arm around my chest, drawing herself closer to me.  
“You looked so happy.” I murmur, trying to keep my emotions in check and not let a single tear fall. “You said you had always loved him.”  
“Sam, look at me.” I shift my body and slowly bring my eyes to meet hers. She rolls so that she is lying on top of me, legs wrapped around mine. Her hands grasp my face. “Sam you know I love you.”  
“But, he’s Dean.” Is all I can say. My brother has always been the better of the two of us; better with women, hunting, looks.   
“But you’re Sam.” She replies, pushing her lips to my forehead. “And you’re mine.”  
I let my hands hold onto her head and I try to push the image of her and Dean out of my mind with my lips.


	14. Emma's POV

I wake up the next morning to an empty bed. I roll over, but Sam is gone. I wake up, rubbing the sleep from my eyes. I put on my glasses and realize Sam isn’t in the room.  
“Dean. Dean wake up.” I say, panicking.  
“Leave me alone.” He grumbles.  
“Sam’s gone.” I get up and pad over to his bed, sitting on the edge.  
He sits up with a start. “What?”  
“Did he say anything to you?” I ask even though I know the answer.  
“No.” Dean is up in a heartbeat, scouring the room. All of Sam’s stuff is gone and a note is sitting in the bathroom next to the sink. “This is for you.”  
I take the paper from him. My name is scrawled across the front and my mind flashes back to when he did this before. This time the note is short, saying only the word goodbye.  
“That son of a bitch.” Dean kicks the wall, leaving a dark mark.  
“Dean, we have to find him.” I feel my chest begin to tighten in panic.  
“Oh we will and when we do, I am going to beat his ass.” Dean storms out of the bathroom and grabs the keys to the impala, not even bothering to put on shoes.  
I follow quickly behind. “Cas? We could use your help.” I whisper.  
“Emma, what is wrong?” Cas says, startling Dean and causing him to trip over his own feet. Cas catches him however, straightening him out.  
“Sam’s gone and I need you to find him.” I plead.  
Cas nods. “Found him.”  
“Take me there.” Cas grabs my hand and deposits me in the passenger seat of an old, blue truck. Sam is white-knuckling the steering wheel and driving at least ninety.  
“Sam.” I say softly, placing my hand on his bicep.  
The truck jerks hard to the right and goes off the road. I grab the wheel and yank to the left, nearly missing a tree. The truck comes to a stop.  
“What the hell?” Sam all but shouts.  
“Cas.” I answer, knowing that is enough of an explanation.  
“Emma, don’t do this.” He isn’t looking at me.  
“Samuel, I am not letting you leave me.” I place his hand over my stomach. “Think of the baby.”  
“It’s probably Dean’s.” He mutters.  
I feel tears prick my eyes and I blink quickly, shoving them back down. “Sammy, it’s yours.”  
“But Dean-“ He starts, but I cut him off.  
“But nothing. Do you want me to have Cas erase your memory? Cause I am not letting you go.”  
“Just go away.” He spits out, slamming his fist down on the edge of the steering wheel.  
“You aren’t just telling me to go away. You are telling your child to leave too.” I say softly.  
“It isn’t even mine!” He repeats.  
“Dammit Samuel.” I sigh. “Fine, you want us gone? We are gone.” I open the door, hop out, and slam the door shut. I wait a moment, but I don’t hear any noise come from the truck. I sigh and start walking down the side of the road.   
“Emma.” Sam calls. I turn and he has rolled the window down. “Let me at least take you back.”  
“No.” I say surprising both of us. “Unless you want to stop being an ass, you can drive away.”  
I sit down on the side of the road as if to emphasize my point. I know I look ridiculous, tear stained cheeks and Sam’s huge shirt hanging over my body. I am not even wearing pants, which reminds me to put my legs down.  
“What the hell are you doing?” Sam asks softly, standing beside me.  
“I don’t know.” I push my hair back with my hand and wipe my nose on my sleeve.  
He kneels beside me, but I keep my head down. “You promise that stuff never happened with Dean?”   
“Do you want me to swab my vagina and show you it’s clean?”   
“Uh.” Is all Sam can sputter out.  
“Don’t actually answer that.” He just gives me a half smile. “You know what I want right now?”  
“No.”  
“I want the love of my life to hold me and tell me this was all just a bad dream and that he really does love me and want me.” I sob out the last bit and screw flashing everyone, wrapping my arms around my legs.  
“I do want you and love you.” Sam protests.  
“Yeah, I can tell.” I mutter.  
“I just want you to be happy. You said you were happy with him.”   
“I’m happy with you.”  
He grabs my body and yanks me into his lap. My face is squished under his armpit and I feel lips press against my head. “I’m such an idiot. I’m sorry Emma. I am so sorry.” He murmurs over and over.  
“Hey, I’d be pissed if I was transported to another world where you were banging some other chick.”  
“You aren’t just some chick.” He counters.  
“Are we okay?” I whisper.  
“We will be.” He lifts my face so that I am looking at him. “I will never leave you or the baby unless that’s what you want.”  
“I could never want that.” I say pressing my lips to his.  
“Let’s get you back and cleaned up.” Sam pulls me to my feet and attempts to walk, but I simply cling to him like a lost child. “Come on, Em.”  
“I need a moment.” I’m afraid if we move, he’ll run.  
“I’m not leaving you beautiful.” He strokes my hair, but lets me cling for a few more minutes.


	15. Emma's POV

“Wake up, Em.” I feel Sam shake me lightly. I open my eyes and roll away from him.  
“Go away.” I groan.  
“Today’s the day.” He says excitedly, racing to the other side of the bed. He kneels down and looks me in the eye. “Get up! Unless you’re scared. Should I be scared? Oh God, what if the baby isn’t okay?”  
I push my lips onto his. “Shut up doofus. I’m sure everything will be fine.” My mind wonders though if everything really will be.  
“Are you ready for us to see you?” Sam asks my belly, rubbing his large hands over it.  
“I’m going to take a shower first.” I announce, lightly pushing Sam off.  
“Do you need anything? I can make you breakfast, oh I will make you a smoothie.” Sam babbles, standing up with me.  
He is always worrying and trying to do everything for me. The other day he tried to walk me to the bathroom. I know he means well, but it’s getting overwhelming. “Thanks. That sounds great.”  
I head into the bathroom, turn on the shower, and then strip off my shirt and underwear. I look at myself in the mirror. I can see the swell of my stomach, my ten-week-old baby growing away. It really just looks like I ate too much ice cream last night.  
I step into the shower, letting the hot water roll down my back. “Little guy, I’m scared. Please be okay. I will love you no matter what though.” I sigh running shampoo through my hair. “Daddy is more scared than me though. You’re going to love him. He’s the biggest softy you will ever meet.”  
When I step out of the shower, towel wrapped around my hair and bathrobe on, I half expect to see Sam waiting outside the door. He isn’t, so I shove my toothbrush in my mouth and head to the kitchen.  
“Finally, thought we might have to go in and rescue you.” Dean snickers over his bowl of cereal. Sam punches him in the shoulder, glaring harshly.  
“Nope, just trying to enjoy my time away from you.” I ruffle his hair, spit in the sink, and then sit down beside him. He smacks my arm lightly. “Hey, don’t hit a pregnant woman.”  
“Yeah don’t hit a pregnant woman.” Sam echoes, sitting down with his bowl across from me and sliding the other one towards me along with a smoothie that is an odd shade of green.  
“Chill dude, I’m not hurting her.”  
“That’s your opinion.” I say dramatically, holding onto my arm as if it’s about to bleed out.  
“Stop being melodramatic.” He responds through a mouthful of cereal.  
“So are you coming with us?” I ask Dean. I take a bite of my cereal.  
“Hell no. A bunch of crazy, hormonal women in one place? No way.”  
“Good cause we didn’t want you to come.” Sam jabs.  
“Harsh.”  
“It’s not your child.”  
“Guys, chill. Dean, we will tell you all about it when we get back.” I let my spoon clank down in the bowl before rinsing and placing it in the sink.  
“Are you ready?” Sam asks.  
“No, I’m naked.”  
“Ew, TMI.” Dean mutters.   
I smack the back of his head and head back to the bedroom. I open the closet and pull out a tank top and jeans. I dress and survey my outfit in the mirror. I throw on a cardigan and make sure to wrap it around my stomach. Even though it’s a baby making that bump, I hate looking fat.  
“Sam, I’m ready.” I call from the door to the garage. I slide on my ankle boots and pick my oversize navy bag up from the ground.   
“Here.” He says from behind me, handing me my phone, a bottle of water, and a granola bar.  
“Thanks.” I open the door and walk over to the gray four door that is my favorite. I unlock the doors and slide into the driver’s seat.  
“Do you want me to drive?” Sam asks tentatively.  
“Get in.” I say, turning on the car and settling on a station playing One Republic.  
He settles down next to me and I exit the garage. I unroll my window, enjoying the cold breeze. Sam shifts nervously in the seat and I can feel the tension radiating out of him.  
“Sam, clam down.” I pat his knee.  
“I’m fine.” He squeaks out, moving his gaze to look out the window. I let it go and we drive in silence to the doctor.  
“Sam, we’re here.” I say as I turn the car off. He makes no move to get out and I poke him in the shoulder.  
He turns and faces me, grabbing my hand. “I need to say something before we go in.”  
“Okay.” I say warily.  
“No matter what happens in here, I love you. I want to be with you and I want to have this baby. You,” He stops, pressing his lips together. “I just really love you.”  
I’m not sure what is going on. “I love you too.”   
I pull my hand from his and get out. He follows suit and grabs my hand as soon as his door is shut. He opens the door to the small office and we make our way to the reception window.  
“Hello, name please?” The woman behind the window asks.  
“Emma Anderson.” I answer.  
She hands me a stack of forms and I sit down in a chair next to a sign about gestational diabetes.  
“Let me help you.” Sam offers.  
“You can’t, you don’t know my medical history.” I respond, filling the forms out on autopilot. Most simply need signatures.  
Sam picks up a magazine and begins flipping through it. “Shit.”  
“Sam!” I whack him, appalled by his use of language.  
“Look.” He holds up an article titled twenty things to watch for in your first trimester.  
“Okay.” I go back to answering questions. Sexually active? Why is this even a question here?  
“Emma, look at all these things that can go wrong.” Sam flips the page to what I assume is things about the second trimester.  
“Yeah, I know.”  
“Emma, what if this stuff happens?”  
“Then we will deal with it.”  
“But shouldn’t we be doing things to prevent them?”  
“Sam, you can’t do anything and why do you think I take those giant vitamins and do squats every morning? Stop worrying.”  
He grabs my arm and I turn towards him. “Emma.”  
“Sam, take a chill pill.” I respond, feeling annoyed with him. I yank my arm out of his grasp and go back to writing down my family history.  
“Emma, I feel so helpless.” His voice is soft and I see him get up and put the magazine back.  
“Where are you going?”  
“I was gunna wait in the car.” He shifts on his feet and holds his hand out for the keys.  
“What? Why?” I stand up, putting the forms on the chair behind me.  
“You don’t want me here.” His face falls and I can see clearly the fear he feels. My heart drops at the way I have treated him.  
“Sammy, don’t go. I need you here. You deserve to be here.” I take his hands in mine and kiss him.  
“But you said-“  
“I know what I said. I was feeling frustrated with your worrying, but I forget this is all new to you.” I kiss him again. “Having something you need to protect.”  
“Emma?” A voice calls and I turn to see a nurse in scrubs standing in the doorway.  
“Coming.” I answer, scooping up the papers and holding my hand out for Sam to take.  
I follow her into a room and settle down on the examining table, while Sam pulls a chair up next to me. I answer her questions as Sam rubs little circles on my thigh.  
“Alright, I have just a few more questions and then we will do the ultrasound and draw some blood.” I nod my head. “So are you the father?”  
“Yes.” Sam answers, moving his hand off my leg and into his lap.  
“And what is your relationship with Emma?”  
“I’m her boyfriend.”  
“What is your planned involvement in the pregnancy, birth, and child’s life?” This question seems to come out of nowhere and I feel Sam bristle next to me.  
“I will be there for every moment.” He says firmly.  
“What is your relationship like with Emma?”  
I watch as Sam opens and closes his mouth a few times before speaking. “I love her and am committed to her.”  
“Great.” She smiles and then pulls up the bottom of my shirt, placing a heart monitor on before squirting cool gel bellow my bellybutton. “Ready to see your child?”  
“Yes!” I say excitedly. “But we don’t want to know the gender, we want to be surprised.”  
I grab Sam’s hand as she places the transducer on top of the gel and a fuzzy blob pops onto the screen. She tilts the transducer until a head comes into view. I feel my breath catch in my throat and Sam’s grip becomes tighter.  
“There’s your child’s head.” She says softly, respecting this pivotal moment.   
“Sam, that’s ours.” I whisper. Sam doesn’t respond, causing me to tear my gaze away from the screen and onto his face. “Sammy?”  
“Ours.” He echoes, eyes not moving from the screen.   
I turn back to the nurse who prints out the scan and tells us everything looks normal, but the doctor will look at the pictures as well. I nod as she shows us the child from a few more angles, before handing us the printout and wiping the gel off my stomach. She then draws four vials of blood before saying the doctor will be in.  
“Sam?” I turn and swing my legs over the side so that my shins bump into his thigh. He hasn’t said a word the past ten minutes.  
“Our child is perfect.” He says, wrapping me in a bone-crushing hug, my face smashed into his shoulder.


	16. Sam's POV

“Em, can I ask you something?”   
“Sure.” She doesn’t look up from where she is typing away on our Mac, lying on her back across our bed. Her stomach is swollen and straining against her black tee shirt. She absentmindedly rubs it between sentences.   
“Can we talk about that night with the witch?” I ask softly, shifting so that my back is flush against the headboard and the book in my lap is no longer falling off.  
“What do you want to know?”  
“I want to know if you still think about that night.”  
“The night when it happened or that night seeing it with you?”  
“Both?”  
“Yes.”  
“Yes, what?”  
“Yes I think about both nights.”  
“What do you think?”  
“I think that night was hell and I hate that you saw it.”  
“But like are you still upset? Like you were right after? We never talked about it again.”  
“Sam, I’m fine.”  
“No you aren’t.”   
Her fingers finally stop flying across the keys. “What do you want me to say? That I cry every night thinking about when I tried to kill myself? That I spend hours lost in flashbacks? It’s been six years.”  
“Years don’t always mean anything.”  
“Let it go.”  
“No.”  
She closes the laptop and sits up. “I said let it go.”  
“And I said no.”  
With that she swings her legs over the side of the bed before getting up and exiting the room. I get up and follow her, but by the time I reach the doorframe she is out of my line of sight.  
“Emma?” I call heading to the kitchen. I guess correctly and see her filling a glass with water, her back to me.  
“What do you want Samuel?” Her voice is flat, but I know she is annoyed. She never calls me Samuel unless she is.  
“I want to talk.”  
She turns around, one hand holding the cup and the other resting on the counter behind her. “Then talk.”  
“I want to know that you are okay. Like truly, deep down.” I close the distance between us and she takes her hand from the counter and grabs mine.  
“I’m fine.”  
“But you aren’t.”  
“Why can’t you just accept that I am?”  
I bite my lip and let my fingers play with hers. “Because there is no way you are. I’m not and it didn’t even happen to me.”  
“Sam, I’ve dealt with hell and my suicide attempt barely touches that.” She sighs. “I’ve had way worse things, so it doesn’t bother me.”  
“But it’s your life.”  
“Exactly.”  
I wrap my arms around her and burry my face in her hair. “Emma, I love you. Please love yourself.”  
“Sam, I’m working on it. I promise.”  
I can feel her wiggle beneath me, ready for the hug to end, but I don’t let her go. “What worse things?”  
“Oh, yah know, having a friend say I have too many problems and that she can no longer be my friend, Alex saying I ruined his life, a therapist kicking me out cause she cannot help me.”  
“Those are all things people have done to you.”  
“Yeah they are.”  
“What about the things you’ve done to yourself?”  
I feel her hands wander on my back. “Those have never bothered me.”  
“Because you think you deserved them.”  
“Exactly.”  
I loosen my grip on her a bit and bring my hand under her chin, lifting her face so our lips can meet.  
She breaks apart from me with a gasp. “Sam!”  
“What, what is it?” My mind begins racing with every possible thing that could have gone wrong. She is probably pissed I brought this up. Shit, I just want to help her.  
“I felt the baby kick.” She says softly, placing my hand on her stomach.  
“You what?” I hold my hand still and feel a little nudge.  
“Our baby is moving.” She repeats sitting down in the middle of the kitchen, letting my hand fall away from her.  
“Are you okay?” I drop to my knees and take her face in my hands. Her cheeks are wet with tears. “Talk to me.”  
“Our baby, our baby, our baby.” She mumbles over and over. I smooth her hair back from her face and wipe away her tears with my thumbs.  
“Emma?”   
She blinks her eyes as if coming back to reality. “I’m just really happy.” She reaches her hand up and runs it through my hair. “I have a little you inside me.”  
Well that sounds creepy. “Okay.”  
“The baby is already strong like their daddy.” She smiles, pushes me back so that I am sitting down, and crawls into my lap. “Like my love.”  
“Are you alright?” I hold her frame to mine, worrying about her bizarre behavior.  
“Damn these hormones.” She answers, burying her face into my chest. I choose not to respond, but instead rub her back.


	17. Emma's POV

“Do you want me to give your insulin in fifty-two? You look like you need to eat.” Alice asks me as I lean against the counter in the med room.  
“That would be great. She gets five base units and one on the sliding scale.” I answer.  
Alice pats my shoulder knowingly before I leave. I go to the break room by the nurse’s station and dig through my purse.  
“Shit, I left my lunch at home.” I groan knowing now I will have to go down the cafeteria.  
“Is Emma here?” I hear a voice that sounds exactly like Sam’s ask at the desk.  
“Who’s asking?” I hear Jenny answer with a smile in her voice.  
“I’m her boyfriend, Sam.”  
“Let me call her.”  
“No need.” I interrupt and walk around the counter to face Sam. “What are you doing here?”  
He flushes. “You forgot your lunch.” He answers sheepishly, holding it out to me.  
“Thanks.” I take it from his hand.  
“Are you mad?” He asks, taking my hand.  
“If she is, I can be the rebound girl.” Jenny smirks.  
Sam flushes again. “Jenny, lay off my man.”  
“I’m just saying. He’s a babe.” She winks at Sam and goes back to typing on the computer.  
I look back at Sam who may be turning a permanent shade of pink.   
“She’s right you know.” I shrug.  
Sam clears his throat. “How’s the baby?” He places a huge hand over my abdomen.  
“Doing great. I’ve only peed three times so far.” I open the bag in my hand and pull out a bag of crackers, popping one in my mouth.  
“Okay. I’ll see you tonight.” He shifts awkwardly before kissing my forehead and turning to leave.  
“Sam, wait.” He turns back around. “Did you come all this way to bring me my lunch?”  
“And to check on you.” He bites his lip. “I worry.”  
“You don’t need to.” I lean up and kiss him. “I love you.”  
“I love you too. I’ll see you tonight.” He gives me another kiss.  
………  
“I’m home.” I call as I swing the door open to the bunker.  
“How was work?” Sam asks from downstairs.  
“Busy, but good. No one died, hit on me, or shit the bed.” I say as I come down to where he is. “I consider that a win.”  
“You have a strange sense of winning.” Dean comments from the kitchen.  
“I have a question for you.” I ask Sam as I wrap my arms around his neck from behind as he types away on our laptop.   
“Alright.”  
“Why did you get all flushed when you visited me today?”  
He scoffs. “I don’t know what you are talking about.”  
“Sam.”  
“It was weird.”  
I lean in further and whisper in his ear, “You are going to have to say more than that.”  
“You just,” Sam closes the laptop. “You have this whole life there and I felt like I was intruding and then you guys were saying stuff…”  
“About how sexy you are?” I whisper into his ear. He nods. “Sam, you do know you are like a male model right?”   
He shakes his head no this time. “I’m nothing special. It’s you who is.”  
I can’t help it; I let out a full-blown laugh. “You’re hysterical.”  
“I’m serious.”  
“You’re an idiot.” I reply. “Have you even looked in a mirror? I mean, I’m not ugly, but you, you are perfection.”  
Sam spins around and pulls me into his lap, coddling me like an infant. “I don’t ever want to hear you say that about yourself again.”  
“It’s true.” I say softly.  
“No it isn’t. You are the most beautiful woman I have ever laid eyes on.” He runs his hand down my cheek. “Every inch of you is perfection.”  
Now it’s my turn to flush pink. “Sammy.”  
“It’s true.” He leans down and kisses my lips.  
“Are you two lovebirds done with your crap? It’s time to eat.” Dean says smacking the back of my head with a towel. “Mr. Model and his sidekick of perfection.”  
“Hey now I am nobody’s sidekick.” I say defiantly.   
Dean simply laughs as Sam picks me up and carries me to the table as I hit my fists on his back, pleading for him to put me down.


	18. Sam's POV

By now Emma is huge. She has this adorable little waddle when she walks, which she is doing right now. She comes out of the bedroom, hair pulled back, wearing a shirt of mine, which is the only thing that fits her right now, and a pair of sweats.  
“I feel like a beached whale.” She groans as she settles into a stool next to me. She instinctively reaches for the coffee cup in front of her.  
“You look like one too.” Dean is sitting at the table in the library, reading the morning paper.  
“And you look like a jackass.” She retorts, grabbing a piece of bacon off the stack on the counter.  
“I think you look beautiful.” I say, kissing her cheek.  
“Sam, I look like a hot mess, you don’t need to try to fix that.” She rolls her eyes.  
I reach out and place my hand on her stomach. “Good morning little guy. I hope you slept well.”  
“Actually, he was having a dance fest last night.” She laughs, placing her hand over mine.  
“I’m sorry baby.” Dean calls. “Your parents are totally lame.”  
“Hey are we going to the store today to get baby stuff?” She asks, ignoring Dean’s comment.  
“Nah, I thought we might invite Crowley over for a bonfire instead.” Dean says, turning a page in his paper.  
“No one said you had to come.” I say.  
“I want him to.” Emma says, which surprises me.  
“Why?”  
“Because he is an important part of this family.” She smiles. “And I don’t want to be stuck at the store with you.” She playfully shoves me.  
“Fine. Meet back here in thirty.” I take my dishes over to the sink.  
“I’m going to take a shower. If you here a large thud, please come pick me up.” She waddles off to our bedroom.   
“What are we getting at the store?” Dean asks me.  
“Baby stuff like a crib and a bottle.” I run water over my plate, then scrubbing it with the purple sponge.  
“Don’t babies need other stuff too?” Dean folds his paper up.  
“Yeah, we can get diapers and clothes too.”  
“How are you ever going to be a dad? You’ve never even held a baby.” Dean finishes off the bacon and hands the plate to me.  
I glare at him. “Wow, thanks Dean.” I turn back to washing the dishes and try to let his comment roll off my back, but I know he’s right. I know nothing about infants and even less about parenting.  
“Sam,” Dean places his hand on my shoulder. “You’re going to be a great Dad. Seriously, lighten up.”  
I shrug him off and walk into the library. I open my laptop and start searching for a new case. I type the words mysterious death into my newspaper search engine. I scroll through documents on things that really aren’t so mysterious such as car crashes and heart attacks.   
I hear wings rustle behind me. “Hello. Dean, Sam.”  
“Hey Cas.” I say, not raising my head to actually look at him.  
“Cas, buddy, it’s good to see you.” Dean says, hugging Cas.  
“How is the baby?”  
“Good. We are about to go shopping, Cas you should join us.” Dean says, as if we should have even more people going on this exhibition.  
“I don’t think that I should.”  
“No, Cas come with us. Please?” I hear Emma call from the hallway. I look up as she comes in, hair wet and wearing another one of my shirts with the same leggings as before. She refuses to buy maternity clothes.  
“Hello child.” Cas reaches a hand out and lays it over Em’s swollen belly. “You seem feisty today.”  
“Oh he is.”  
“Well, let’s get this show on the road.” Dean says, picking up the keys. I slip on my flip flops, as Em struggles to tie her sneakers.  
“I got it.” I squat down and twist the laces into two separate double knots, just the way she likes it.  
When we get to the car, I help Emma into the backseat and go to sit beside her, but Cas is already there.  
“Cas, how have you been? You need to drop by more.” Em says as we turn out of the driveway. Cher wails about believing in love on the radio.  
“I do miss seeing you. I am just busy.” Cas answers.  
“Hey, I know. I’m just glad you stopped by today. You can help us pick out stuff for the baby.”  
“Is it a boy or a girl?”  
“We don’t know and we want it to be a surprise.”  
“Where are we going?” Dean asks, interrupting them.  
“I was thinking Lifton.” Lifton is a store that sells literally everything from furniture to computers to clothes to food and everything in between.  
“Do you know what you want?”  
She holds up a sheet of paper, both sides covered in writing. “I have a list, duh.”  
I look out the window as the realization that this is really happening sinks in again. Every time we do something for the baby, it hits me all over again. Em and I spent the past week repainting her old bedroom an olive green to turn it into a nursery.   
When we reach the store, we all climb out of the car. Dean grabs a cart and we walk through the sliding doors. People stop and look at us, trying to figure out what is happening with us. I guess we are a strange sight, a man in a trench coat, a tall, dark-haired man, me with my long hair, and then Em who looks like she shoved a basketball up her shirt. Dean and Cas aren’t helping either as they argue over what kind of pie to get. Dean always wants apple and Cas always wants peach.  
“People are staring.” I hiss at them, hoping to shut them up.  
“Well, of course they are. I’m here with my huge belly, you look like a moose, and those two are acting like they’re married.” Em laughs, nothing like this ever seems to bother her.  
I grab the cart from Dean and head over to the baby area. By the amount of items stacked up, I am confirmed in that I know nothing about babies. I pick up a package that reads peaches and chicken. That sounds absolutely nasty.  
“Sam, that’s for an one year old.” Em grabs the box out of my hand and places it back on the shelf.  
“You should get this.” Dean holds up a bib that reads my uncle is the best. “Wrap that baby up in the truth.”  
Em laughs and he tosses it in. She starts grabbing things off of the shelves like she does this everyday. Diapers, bottles, little yellow socks. They all get dumped into the cart.  
“Sam, are you okay?” Em asks, hanging back a few feet from Cas and Dean. “You look like you’ve been punched.”  
“I’m fine.” I wave her off, picking up a box of white squares. I study it intently, like I know exactly what I’m doing.  
“No you’re not. Those are nursing pads.” She takes them out of my hand, but holds onto them.  
“What?”  
“You put them in your bra and they soak up the excess milk.”  
“Em, that is gross.” Dean says as he comes back towards us.   
Em tosses them to him and he catches them. “Put them in the cart. And take Cas to go get some food. Meet us at the furniture.”  
Dean nods, happy to get away from all the crying babies in the aisle and away from shopping for baby stuff period.  
Em places her hand on my arm. “Sam, it’s okay. This is all new for you.”  
“But you know all this stuff.” I give her a half smile.  
“Yeah cause I used to babysit and because I’m an RN. I did have a maternity rotation you know.” I must still look overwhelmed because she adds, “Let’s head over to the clothes. Help me pick out some outfits. If it has a zero or newborn on the tag, it’s good.”  
I follow her down the next aisle. Little pants, shirts, dresses, and all other forms of clothes hang around us. I pick up a shirt with a lion on it that says roar. There is a zero at the top. “How about this?”  
She takes it from me. “It’s perfect.”   
I take her hand. “Have I told you recently that you are amazing.”  
“Sam.” She says, turning to look through these little shirt/pants combined things. She is always resisting my sweet talk.  
I wrap my arms around her, placing my hands on her belly. “I love you.”   
“Sam.” She says again, continuing to browse.  
“I love you. I love you. I love you.” I whisper into her ear.  
She turns around, her belly creating space between us even though it’s touching me. She stands on her tiptoes and kisses me. “I love you too.”  
I kiss her again, letting my hands wander down her back.  
“Get a freaking room.” Dean’s voice breaks us apart.  
“Why do they need a room?” Cas asks.  
We all ignore him. “We got a few outfits, but I will come get some more stuff later. Let’s get the furniture.” Emma says, grabbing my hand as we walk to the next aisle.  
Again there are over fifteen cribs and a bunch of other stuff I don’t know the name of. I fight monsters for a living, but cannot even buy one thing for my child.   
I take a deep breath and look at the crib closest to me. It’s a deep oak color, like everything else in the bunker. “What about this one?”  
“I like it.” Em says, smiling at me.  
“Cas, go get another cart so we can put this in it.” Dean tells Cas.   
By the time he gets back, we have a pile of boxes that are a dresser, crib, and changing table.  
“Cas, what took you so long?” Dean asks. I grab one end of a box and he grabs the other, placing it in the cart.  
“I couldn’t find one without stuff in it. I finally found this one that only had two things in it, so I took them out.”   
“Cas, you stole a cart.”  
“It’s okay Dean.” Em, puts her hands up, telling them to get along.   
“Dean, help me with this.” I say.  
Instead Em grabs the other end. She tries to lift the other side, but I can tell she is struggling.  
“I got it.” Cas takes the end from her and helps me to add it in. The cart is over filled, but there is no way anyone is sending Cas to get another one.  
“Let’s roll.” Dean says.  
“We need sheets and a mattress.” Em walks over to them. She grabs gray ones with white swirls. “Sam, get this mattress.”  
I pick it up and we all head to the check out. Cas and Dean place items on the belt while Emma talks to the cashier.  
“First baby?” She asks.  
“Yep. That giant man over there is the dad.” She points to me. “And that’s his brother. I made both the uncles come.”  
“It’s nice to have support. Do they have any kids or is the first for everyone?” She asks, placing a shirt into a bag.  
“Oh they aren’t together.” This is not a convincing statement as Dean keeps yanking out of Cas’ hands every item he picks up.  
“Dean, I just want to know what this is.”   
“It’s still gum Cas. Put the damn items on the belt. I’m tired of you right now.” He then proceeds to place the gum on the belt and shove a box of diapers into its place in Cas’ hands.  
I wish Emma would just shut up. She has a voice that carries and people are giving us weird looks again.   
The grand total comes to $1,502.78 I see Em take a deep breath in.  
“I got it.” I say and pull out an unused credit card.  
“Sam, we talked about this.” She says. “I want to pay for things.”  
I slide the card and sign the pad as Elliott Jefferson.  
“Sam?” The cashier says, catching that the names are different.  
“Sam is my middle name. Not a huge fan of being called Elliott.” I say, like I always do when this happens.  
She nods and hands me the receipt. We head back to the impala, but there is so much stuff that the crib box is forced to go in the back seat along with six bags leaving no room for anything else or anyone else.  
“I’ll fly Emma back.” Cas says and before anyone can comment, the two of them are gone.  
“Sam, I have something for you.” Dean says, starting the impala and backing out of the spot. He hands me a little box from the inside of his jacket.  
I open it and see a ring. Not just any ring however, it is white gold with three twists on top, centered with a diamond and little diamonds sprinkled around it. “Dean, I mean I’m flattered, but I’m going to have to turn down this marriage proposal.”  
Dean punches my shoulder. “It was Mom’s wedding ring. I thought you could give it to Emma.”  
I close the box and place it on the dashboard. I hadn’t told a single person I was thinking about proposing, mostly because it is the craziest idea I have ever had. I’m not ready to be a parent, let alone a husband. Plus, Emma might not want to spend the rest of her life with me. Maybe she is just doing this for the baby.   
“Sam we’re home.” The impala is off and parked in the garage.  
“Oh, here.” I hand him the ring back.  
“Sam, think about it. Please.” He puts it back in my hands.  
“Why do you care?”  
“Because you’re my baby brother and I know you want to do this.” He opens the trunk and then the door to the backseat.  
“Who told you?”  
“I’m not an idiot Sam, I could tell.” He pulls a box out and sets it next to the car.  
“Dean, I can’t do this.”   
Dean motions for me to help him, but I am frozen with the little box in my hand.  
“Yes you can. You-“ His voice is cut off by the sound of the door opening and Em comes through. “This conversation is not over.”


	19. Emma's POV

Cas and I arrive at the house way before the brothers. I show Cas the baby’s room, which is completely empty.  
“I got this for the baby.” Cas pulls a blanket with strange writing all over it out of his trench coat.  
“Thanks, Cas. That’s very thoughtful of you.” I take the blanket from his hand and fold it carefully, placing it on a shelf in the closet.  
“It has protective writing on it. To keep him safe.”  
“Cas, that’s wonderful.” Coming from him, it’s the best gift I know he could think of. I wrap him in an awkward hug, the baby jutting out between us.  
“I think he likes it.”  
“I’m sure he does.” I pat Cas’ shoulder.  
“No, I can feel his happiness.”  
“What?” I am confused. Cas has baby reading powers?  
“I can read human emotions. The infant is feeling safe and happy.”  
I hug Cas again. “Cas that is the best gift anyone could give me.”  
I constantly worry about the baby, wondering if I am doing the right thing, if I am being a good mother. To know he is safe and happy fills me with joy.  
“They are home.”  
I lead Cas out to the garage. I open the door to hear Dean say, “Yes you can. You-“ He stops talking when I walk through the door.  
Both boys look at me, Dean whispers something to Sam, and Sam shoves something into his pocket quickly.  
“What’s going on out here?” I ask, walking over to the impala, Cas on my heels.  
“Nothing.” They answer in unison.  
I roll my eyes knowing they were just having one of their brotherly arguments. “Sam, Cas gave us a blanket with protection stitched onto it.”  
“Great.” Sam smiles his stressed out smile.  
“And he said that the baby feels safe and happy.”  
“Really?” Sam looks at Cas and Cas nods. Sam places his hand on my belly. “Good, just the way it should be.”  
“The baby feels content now. Like everything is right in his little world.” Cas adds. “It’s because you are here Sam.”  
I can feel Sam pause and his fingers bend on my stomach. I know what Cas has told him is a big deal. Sam has been as scared as I have.  
“We love you.” I say, kissing his lips. Sam wraps his arms around my back and I run my fingers through his hair, our lips moving in unison.  
“Let’s move this stuff into the nursery before Em ends up pregnant again.” Dean says, picking a box up and taking it to the house.  
“Dean, that is not physically possible.” Cas interjects.  
“It was a joke Cas, grab the other end of this box.” Cas obliges and they head into the house together.  
I reach my hand into Sam’s pocket, trying to find whatever he hid.  
“What are you doing?”  
“You put something in there when I entered the room.” I move my fingers around, but it must be the wrong pocket.  
“No I didn’t.” He pulls my hand out.  
“Yes, you did.” I try to put it in another one, but Sam blocks me, turning his back to pick up a box.  
“Can we talk about it later?”  
I can tell he does not want to have this conversation ever. “Sure.”  
I grab the other end of the box, waving Sam off when he starts to protest. We place it in the nursery and I let the boys go get the rest of the stuff.


	20. Sam's POV

Four hours later and probably twenty-seven arguments later, the nursery is complete. A crib is set up with a mattress and sheets along with the changing table and dresser being built. Cas even stayed to help, although he was more of a hindrance.  
“This looks good.” Dean says, standing up and stretching his legs. He motions for Cas to follow him. “Let’s get dinner started.”  
Emma is still sitting on the floor, legs crossed in front of her. “What do you think little guy? This is your room.”  
I watch her as she talks to the baby. It’s one of those moments where she is completely unreserved and speaks to the baby as if it is sitting in her lap. Her hair spills over her shoulders and her hands hold her belly, head looking down.  
“It’s perfect Em.” I say, running my hand over the crib. There is even a little mobile hanging over it with the entire solar system. Em thought it was the coolest and insisted on hanging it herself.  
“Help me get up.” Her voice breaks my thoughts apart. I reach both hands down and slip them under her arms, lifting her to her feet.  
I stay bent over and lean my forehead on hers. “I love you.”  
She kisses my lips. “I love you too.” Another kiss. “So are you going to tell me what you and Dean were talking about?”  
I stand up straight. I had hoped she had forgotten. “Not now.”  
“Please?” She traces my cheek with her soft fingers. She kisses me again and again and I know exactly what she is doing.  
“That’s not going to work.” I pull away from her and place my hand on the doorknob. “I can’t, I can’t tell you yet.”  
“Sam, you’re not being honest with me.” She stands in the middle of the room and I drop my eyes, avoiding her gaze.   
“I know. I’ll tell you when I’m ready.” It’s the best I can offer her.  
“I’ll be waiting.” She breezes past me, heading towards the kitchen and I feel the weight of that little box in my pocket, keeping my feet from chasing after her.  
……  
It’s been a week and I know Emma is still waiting for me to tell her what is in the box. I know she has no clue; I overheard her talking to Dean about it. He, thankfully, said nothing, just told her to talk to me. She didn’t. I can tell she is waiting for me to make the first move, I just can’t.  
I carry the little box with my everywhere, as if I will suddenly have the courage to ask her. I want nothing more than to marry her, but even the thought of her saying no, keeps the box secure in my pocket.  
“Sam? Hello, earth to Sam.” Emma waves her hand in front of my face. I blink, my mind floating back to the library of the bunker.  
“Huh? Sorry, just really focused.” I point to the open book in front of me.   
“Reading about,” She pauses. “Actually I don’t know what you are reading about, looks like hieroglyphics.”  
I look down at the open page and see little characters all over it. I have no idea what language it is, let alone what they say. “I wanted to translate it.”  
“No you don’t.” She turns a page in her book. “Just tell me you don’t want to talk about it, don’t lie to me.”  
I reach out to hold her hand, but she turns away from me. “I’m not in the mood.”  
“To hold my hand?” I scrunch my face up, having no idea why she is mad. I didn’t think this was bothering her that much.  
“No, to act like you haven’t changed. Since you lied to me last week you’ve been acting strange.” She slams the book shut, but doesn’t move, just holds the edges of the book till her knuckles turn white.  
“No I haven’t.” I really had hoped she hadn’t noticed. I have been trying my hardest to not act any different.  
She stands up, facing me, looking down her nose at me. “Yes, you have. You refuse to talk to me, you’ve been avoiding me, you’re gone all day and at night, you sleep facing the other way in the bed, and yesterday when I tried to kiss you, you turned away.”  
She stops talking, tears in the corners of her eyes. I feel my heart hit the floor; I didn’t think I was acting that different. “I’m sorry.”  
“Look, I know what this is about.” She places her hands on her hips and I know my apology is only making this worse.  
“You do?” My palms start sweating and my heart begins to race. I feel the walls closing in around me.  
“Yeah. And I agree, now.” She sounds pissed.  
“You do?” I feel hope surge through my chest. “That’s great, a huge relief.” I stand up, a huge grin on my face.  
“Wow, that was low.” She turns on her heel, starting to walk out of the room. I can feel the anger radiating off of her.  
I reach my hand out and grab hers, stopping her. “What are you talking about?”  
“Don’t play dumb with me Sam, I know you want to dump me.” The tears spill down her cheeks. “I’m seven months pregnant, look like a blimp, and am overly hormonal. If you make one more dumb-ass comment, I swear you will not live to regret it.”  
Her eyes are flaming and her breath is ragged. She yanks her hand out of mine, but waits to see what I will say. Her foot then moves to point towards the door and I know she is rethinking her decision to see what I will say.  
“You think I wanted to break up with you?” My voice is soft. I can’t believe that’s what she has been thinking all week. No wonder she feels this way, upset and angry.   
“Yes. What else would you be lying about?”   
She is still crying. I reach my hand out and wipe the tears away. This is the moment and I know I have to take it. I get down on one knee, my jeans shifting and the sleeves of my plaid shirt pull up, exposing my wrists. I take a deep breath and pull out the little box from the front pocket of my jeans. “I was going to ask you to marry me.”  
Her tears flow faster. They spill down her cheeks and one drips onto my hand that is holding the box open, diamond glittering in the light of the lamps.  
“Ask me then.” She says quietly.  
My heart thunders in my ears and I tighten my grip on the box to prevent it from falling. “Emma Christine Anderson, will you marry me?”   
I have never heard a heavier silence. Each moment seems like hours as she stares at me. My hand starts to shake a bit, when I am knocked to the ground.  
Emma looks into my eyes, arms on either side of my head, her belly pinning me down. “Finally.”  
She had been waiting for this? “Is that a yes?”   
She kisses my lips, barely brushing hers against me. “It’s more than a yes, it’s a joyful relief.”  
She kisses me again and again, leaving me breathless, but in a good way. I feel her warm tears flow where our skin touches. I break apart from her lips and push her into a sitting position and slide the ring onto her finger. “It was my mom’s.”  
She stares at it. “It’s beautiful, Sam.”  
I push her onto her back, hovering over her on all fours. I push my lips on hers, taking control of the situation. I kiss her over and over till she lets out a small moan out. My tongue pushes into her mouth, meeting hers.  
“I guess she said yes.” Dean’s voice floats between our lips, breaking us apart.  
I sit back on my heels, feeling the heat on my face falling away. “Yeah.”  
Dean slaps my back. “Congrats man and sorry Em, now you’ll have to put up with him for forever.”  
Emma stands up and tackles him in an awkward bear hug. “No, now I’ll have to put up with you for forever.”  
I laugh and wonder why I was nervous in the first place.  
“So when’s the wedding?” De asks.  
“Never. Let’s just get eloped.” Em responds.  
I laugh. “We haven’t planned that yet.”  
“I’m serious Sam.”  
“You don’t want a wedding?” I walk over to her, grabbing her hand.  
She stands on her toes and leans into my ear whispering, “I’m scared.”  
“Don’t be.” I kiss her lips.


	21. Emma's POV

“Can we talk about the wedding?” Sam is standing at our doorway, wearing a towel around his waist and his hair is dripping on the floor.  
“Can you get dressed first?” I push myself up in bed and swing my legs over so that my feet touch the cool floor.   
“Are you avoiding this conversation?” He says from behind me.  
I get out of bed and turn around. He is wearing boxers, but nothing else. He tucks a strand of hair behind his hair.  
“No.” I lie.  
He walks towards me and my breath hitches in my chest. “I know you are. Why?”  
His eyes bore into mine. “A wedding is full of love and beauty of which I am not.” I don’t tell him about my wedding board on Pinterest.  
“Do you love me?”  
I pull back a bit. “Of course.”  
“Then you do have love and beauty is a given.” He kisses the top of my head. “I’m not going anywhere, ever. Don’t be afraid.”  
I pull out of his arms, not wanting to argue with him. I walk out and head to the kitchen to make some coffee.  
“Morning.” Dean is flipping pancakes. “What’s on the agenda for today?”  
“Wedding planning apparently.” I groan as I fill two cups, one for myself and one for Sam.  
“Em, I know you are pretending you don’t want this, but Sam really does. He’s dreamed about a wedding with the cake, dress, and aisle his entire life.” Dean hands me a plate of food.  
I nod, not knowing what to say. I didn’t think Sam would be the kind of guy who would dream about weddings.   
“I have a little bit as well.” I say, watching the butter slide across my pancake and down to the edge of the plate.  
“This is your one opportunity. Do it.” Dean sits down in front of me, placing a plate next to me for Sam.  
“I have an entire board dedicated to my future wedding on Pinterest.” I pull Sam’s laptop over from the edge of the table, logging on.  
“On what?” Dean says, mouth full.  
“Never mind, just look at this stuff.” I motion for him to come over.  
He switches his plate with Sam’s and sits beside me. I pull up my account and begin scrolling through my various pins.   
“This is all dresses.” He comments.  
“Yeah because I never think about my wedding, but I do love clothes.” I keep scrolling to see if there is anything good, but the board is short.  
A thump in the chair in front of us alerts us to Sam’s presence. “What are you guys doing?”  
“Looking at wedding stuff.” Dean answers, shifting his body so that his arm is around my back, leaning in closer.  
“This isn’t your wedding.” Sam growls.  
“Calm down, I was just showing him.” I push Dean off me. “Sam, sit by me.”  
“No.” He pokes at his pancakes.  
“Stop acting like a diva and get your ass over here.” Dean gets up, shoves Sam out of his chair, and sits down.  
“Can we argue later? I want to work on this.” I like avoiding arguments when I can.  
Sam sits down, but doesn’t answer.  
“How about a fall wedding?” I poke his side, trying to get him to lighten up.  
“Evening.”   
“What?”  
“I want the wedding to be in the evening, with candles.” He pulls his plate in front of him and begins picking at it again.  
“Where do you want to do it?” Dean asks, trying to move the conversation along.  
“Outside.” We both say at the same time.  
“How about a park?” I say. I am sentimental, but no place stands out to me as the place to have it.  
“Solace Park and it’s only forty-five minutes north of here.” Sam says, cutting another bite.  
“Where?” I ask. “Have we ever been there?”  
“We went there three years ago without Dean and we swam under that waterfall.” I try to remember, but I must still look lost because Sam adds, “After we killed that werewolf in Nevada. The one that gave you this.” His finger ghosts over the three-inch scar on my right shoulder where the werewolf clawed me.  
“Ah yes, I remember that now. Why there?” It was beautiful, but nothing special. Sam and I had gone the next morning after a hunt without Dean because he was slightly hung over. We had hiked for a while and when we found a waterfall, we took off our shoes and socks and gotten in.   
“It’s a special place.” Sam says quietly.  
“Why?” I must have a really bad memory because I have no recollection of anything special happening.  
“No reason.” He clams up and by the look on Dean’s face, he knows why.  
I place my hand on Sam’s shoulder. “Tell me.”  
“It’s where I realized I love you.” His voice is barely a whisper and he looks at his plate rather than me, as if he is embarrassed.  
“What?” That was like six months before he told me how he felt.   
He continues to look at his plate. “When you broke through the water’s surface, facing me with water dripping down your face, you said, ‘This is exactly what I needed, thank you Sam, I love you’ That’s when I realized I loved you and wanted to be with you.” By now his cheeks are red and are barely visible through his locks, which fall alongside his face.  
I push his hair back to reveal the side of his face. “Sam.”  
“It’s stupid.” He bats my hand away.  
“Sam, that’s the sweetest thing I have ever heard.” I place my lips on the corner of his mouth and when he turns his head, I move them to his lips. He moves his lips in unison with mine and I slide my hand around the back of his neck.  
I hear a cough. “Still here.”  
“Dean, it’s been twenty-six years and you still ruin my game.” Sam laughs pulling his mouth away from mine.  
“Let’s get out of here so we can actually work on this.” I grab my plate and hold my hand out for Sam to take.


	22. Sam's POV

“What about music?”   
It’s been three hours since we started discussing the wedding. Em is sitting on the couch in the library and I am leaning up against it between her legs. She has a list of ideas in her hand and I hold the laptop in mine.  
“What do you want?” I ask, tickling her foot.  
“I don’t know.” She kicks my hand away. “The playlist will be easy, it’s our song that’s going to be hard.”  
“Why?”  
“Because I never had a song that I always wanted. Nothing comes to mind now either.” She places her hands on my shoulders, massaging.  
I pull up our iTunes account. “Let’s just scroll, tell me when you see something that looks good.”  
“Okay.” She rests her chin on my head.  
“Oh I know what we should play.” I scroll down till I see the song and click play.  
“Sam, we are not playing Mariah Carey’s Touch My Body.” She lifts her chin and bops the back of my head. “This is a wedding, not a porno.” She then takes the laptop from me. “How about this?”  
The music starts playing. “What is this?”  
She doesn’t answer, but instead begins to sing along, “That's how much I love you, that's how much I need you, and I can't stand you.”  
I press the stop key. “We are not playing Rihanna’s Hate that I love You.”  
“Why not?” She asks playfully. When I don’t answer she leans back and closes her eyes.  
I hit play on another song: Ben Rector’s White Dress.  
“Sam, this song is too fast.” She comments, not opening her eyes.  
“I know. This song is for you.”  
I stand up and sing, “I never knew that I could love someone the way that I love you.”  
I grab her hand and pull her up into my arms. We spin around the room as I continue to sing to her. The song slows down and she falters in my arms, stepping back.  
“Sam,” She starts, but I cut her off with my singing. “Sam.” She tries again, tears in her eyes.   
“That you could love someone like me.” I sing that last line, letting my hand trail down her cheek.  
“Sam.”   
“Emma.” I don’t back down, holding her gaze. “I love you.”  
“Sam.” She buries her face in my chest, holding onto my shirt with her fists. “Sam.”  
“Spit it out Em.”  
“How did I end up here? With you?” My shirt muffles her voice, but I hear her loud and clear.  
I am not sure what she means. Is the upset by this, by getting married? “Do you not love me?”  
She pulls her face away and looks me dead in the eye. “I will never not love you. I want to know how I ended up with a life this good.”  
“I ask myself the same question everyday.” I meet her lips and I feel her smile beneath mine.   
“When did you turn into such a romantic dork?” She asks, ducking her head.  
“When I had a reason to.” I murmur.  
She pulls back and sits on the couch again. “Let’s just work on this, okay?” She pats the spot beside her and starts scrolling on my laptop again.  
I sit down beside her. “What about Kodaline’s The One?”  
“Sam, that’s perfect.” She scribbles it down in the notebook sitting beside her. She draws a few lines and circles something as well.  
“You still want to do this right?” I ask.  
“Yes.” She puts her pen down and turns towards me. “Do you still want to do this?”  
“Is the sun shinning and Cas awkward.” She laughs. “Emma, there will never be a moment that I don’t want to be with you.”  
“What if I did this?” She runs out of the room and I stand up, ready to follow her.  
“Em?” I call out.  
She tears back into the room with a cup full of water. We both stand still, a predator stalking her prey.   
Suddenly she lunges and splashes the water in my face. I grab her wrist and prevent her from running away. “As long as I can do this.” I tickle her armpits, exactly where I know her weakness is.  
“Sam, stop.” She says through wheezes and laughs. “You’re going to send me into labor.”  
I drop my hands instantly. “I’m so sorry.”  
She runs away squealing, “Sucker!”


	23. Sam's POV

I wake up to a wet warmth seeping around me. I open my eyes, groaning as I see it is four in the morning. I roll over thinking I imagined whatever it was. I hear a faint groan escape Em’s lips.  
“Em?” I ask, shaking her awake.  
“What’s going on?” She rubs her eyes and sits up a bit in bed.   
I click on the lamp beside me. I turn back to see our white sheets, that are now red. I jump out of bed, ripping the top sheet off trying to see where the blood is coming from. I know it isn’t me, so I begin searching Emma.   
“Sam, I need to go to the hospital. Now. Do not call Cas.” She says sharply. The blood is coming from her and fast. It spills out from between her legs and pools beneath her.  
“Dean!” I yell at the top of my lungs. “Hold on Emma.”  
“Sam, I love you.” With that, she closes her eyes.  
“Emma.” I shake her, but she doesn’t open her eyes. Her breathing is labored, but she is still alive.  
“What is it?” Dean bursts through the door. He stops when he sees the blood, which is all over her and I.  
“Get the car. Now.”   
Dean obliges and I scoop Emma up in my arms, her blood soaking into my black tee shirt. I run down the hall and out the front door, not bothering to lock it or put on any shoes.  
Dean opens the back door of the impala and I climb in, holding Emma in my lap. She is shaking now and her lips have a faint blue tint.  
“Drive faster.” I snap, pulling Emma closer to my body.  
“Sam, I’m going one-hundred. I cannot drive any faster.” He says calmly. Dean has always been good in emergencies.  
After what seems like years, we pull into Apple Hospital’s emergency door entrance. I shove the door open and climb out with Em. I race through the door, leaving Dean to come after me.  
“Help. I need help.” I yell. Blood drips down my body from Em and splats on the floor.   
People in scrubs start moving. A bed is placed in front of me and Em is taken from my arms and laid on it. Her hair spills around her and I really see how bad she looks. I want to ask if she will live, but I am afraid of the answer.  
Two women in black scrubs start pushing the bed down the hall. I walk quickly behind them, but someone stops me. “Sir, she needs to be taken to the OR immediately.”  
“That’s my fiancée.” I say back, trying to push the woman aside. Seeing as I have about seven inches on her, she falls against the wall.   
Dean grabs my arm and centers me, reading me like a book. “Don’t call security.”  
The woman stands up and nods, Dean still holding onto my arm. “You can help her from right here. I need some information.” She logs onto a computer that is on a cart in the hall.  
“Sam, do what she says.” Dean releases my arm.  
“How many weeks is she?”  
How many weeks what? My mind is blank and my throat is dry.  
“Thirty-six.” Dean answers.  
The woman calls someone on her phone. “First child?”  
“Yes.” Dean answers again. “She works here, her name is Emma Anderson.”  
I feel my knees go weak and I slide to the floor as Dean continues to answer the woman’s questions. People bustle by, but I close my eyes, blocking them all out.   
“Sam, let’s go to the waiting room.” Dean grabs my hand and pulls me to my feet.  
I aimlessly follow after him, down halls and up an elevator. We reach a room with cream walls and those chairs that seem to be in waiting rooms that are deep green and not comfortable at all. I sit down anyways because I don’t trust my legs to support me.  
“Sam, look at me.” I raise my eyes up to meet Dean’s. “She will be fine, she is tough.”   
I nod, but say nothing. The clock ticks each second off on the wall, reminding me of how slow things are moving. Dean gets up and starts to pace, while my head hangs in my hands.   
If Em dies I have no idea what I will do. I try to imagine my life without her, but all I see is black nothing. My mind floats back to a conversation we had last week.  
“Sam, I feel happy.” She said as we sat in our bed. Well, I sat and she had her head in my lap, her eyes looking up into mine.  
“Me too.” I brushed the hair off her forehead, feeling her skin, soft beneath my rough hand.  
“No, like truly happy. I have a feeling that I have not felt in years.” She placed her hands on her belly. “I’m just afraid it won’t last.”  
“Why?” I took one of her hands in mine.  
“Happiness never lasts. Especially not happiness like this.” She pressed her fingers into the spaces between mine.   
“I’m never going to let it leave. As long as you have me, you will always be happy.”  
She wiggled her left hand. “That’s going to be forever.”  
“Then I will protect you, forever.” I pressed my thumb onto the ring on her hand.  
“From what?” She shifted her head in my lap.  
“Everything.” I bent over and kissed her sweet lips, the seal of my promise.  
“Sam.” Her voice was as deep as Dean’s.  
“Why do you sound like that?” I ask.  
“Sam, focus.” My mind snaps out of that memory and I am back in that damn waiting room, with Dean holding a coffee cup out to me.  
“I couldn’t protect her. I promised.”  
“Sam, this is not your fault.”   
I take a sip of the nasty coffee. Dean stands in front of me and I know he wants to tell me to just snap out of it. I continue to sip my coffee, while tapping my foot on the ground.   
A man in a white coat walks up to us. “Are you here with Miss Anderson?”  
“Yes, I am Dean and this is my brother Sam, her fiancé.” Deans sticks his hand out and shakes the man’s.  
“I am Dr. Jefferson, an ob-gyn here at Apple. Emma is coming out of surgery now. It was looking rocky for a while, but she pulled through.” I sighed a breath of relief and stood up. “Your son is okay as well.”  
I sink right back down in the chair, tears rolling down my cheeks. I have a son. Emma and I are officially parents. “Thank you sir.”  
“Now she will have to stay here for now. She lost a lot of blood and is still on a transfusion.”  
“What happened?” Dean interjects. Dean has always been about business and not feelings.   
“She had a placental abruption. This means the placenta, what brings nutrients to the unborn child, detached from the wall. This caused the bleeding. We could not however, save her uterus and had to perform an emergency hysterectomy. She is in room 5178 if you want to see her. Your son is being evaluated still, but should be joining you shortly in the room as well.”  
The doctor keeps talking, but I don’t hear another word he says. Everything in my world seems to settle, coming to rest, the calm after the storm. Emma is alive and will stay that way and the baby is okay as well.  
“Sam, you ready?” Dean asks, pointing to the hallway I assume Emma is down. I nod and I follow him. Her room is the third one down on the left. Her door is closed and I fear what I will find inside.  
I take a deep breath and knock on the door softly. I push it open slowly, not prepared for the sight behind it. Emma is lying flat on the bed, blankets flat on top of her, something I haven’t seen in months. Her skin is the color of ash and her lips have the same color as after you eat a blue popsicle. Her breathing is slow and steady, machines chirp in the background. Lines run in and out of her, bringing things in and taking things out.  
“Emma?” If I didn’t hear the little blips on the machine next to her, I would think she was dead.  
“Sam?” Her eyes flutter open and blindly look around the room.  
I rush to her side, sinking to my knees. I take her frail, cool hand in mine, mindful of the IV line attached. “I’m here.”  
“Sam.” She says my name again. Her hand squeezes mine and I say nothing, waiting for her to make the first move. “Sam, my uterus is gone.” She doesn’t look at me when she says this, just stares at the ceiling.  
I hear Dean awkwardly cough behind me, but I don’t take my eyes off of Em. She takes her hand out of mine and slides the ring off, twirling it around in her palm. An alarm pulls my eyes to a screen to the left of her head. A number is quickly rising moving from the sixties to the seventies and on up. I assume it is her heart rate and my mind pieces together what she wants to say.  
I take the ring out of her hand and place it back on her finger. “No.”  
“Sam.” She struggles to form the words I know she is about to say. “I can’t have any more children.”  
“Em-“ I interrupt her. Nothing could ever take my love away from her and I wish she would realize that.  
She silences me with one look. I hold onto her hand, waiting for her to finish.  
“I’m not whole anymore, a part of me is missing.” Her face reddens a bit with the effort it takes her to say those words.  
“If you give me that ring back, I’ll never be whole again.” I stroke the back of her hand with my thumb, making little circles just how she likes, next to her IV line.  
“Okay, I am done with this sappy crap.” Dean pulls a chair up next to the bed. “You both love each other. Stop trying to break up and Em, you aren’t defined by your uterus.”  
Em moves her eyes from mine to Dean’s. “That is the nicest thing you have ever said to me.” She moves her hand to swat at Dean.  
“It’s a boy.” I whisper.  
“I know.” She smiles at me. “Go see him.”  
“The doctor says they are evaluating him right now and will bring him in.” I reply.  
“Is he producing surfactant?” Emma asks.   
“Is who producing what?” I am beyond confused. Em forgets I don’t speak medical sometimes.   
“Never mind.”  
A woman with red hair pulled back into a ponytail, black scrubs, and a stethoscope around her neck, walks into the room. “Hello, my name is Jen and I will be your nurse today. How are you feeling Emma?”  
“Like someone ripped out my uterus.” She laughs. “Probably an eight.”  
“You have a morphine pump beside you.”  
Emma turns her head to see it. “Thanks.”  
“Who are these boys?” Jen gestures towards Dean and I.  
“I’m Dean and this is Sam, my brother and Emma’s fiancé.” Dean stands up with that stupid smile on his face that means he is trying to flirt with a woman.  
I grab his arm and yank him back into his chair. “Not now.” He glares at me, but sits back down.  
“Do you have any questions?” Jen asks.  
“Is the baby producing surfactant? All I’ve heard is that he is stable.” Emma purses her lips together, from what seems to be pain and worry.  
“Yes he is. He is a fighter that little man of yours. All his vitals are normal and his 02 sat is perfect.” Jen rambles on words that I mean nothing to me, but I see Emma relax so that must be good. “If you need anything at all, just call. I’ll be back in a bit to change your bandage and your son is on his way.”  
Em nods and Dean turns, waving bye. When he turns back, he knocks into the bed with his arm, jostling Em a bit. Her eyes close and her face scrunches up and I know she is in pain, but trying to keep her cool.  
I reach over her to hit the pump. “Sam, stop.”  
My hand hovers over the button. “Why?”  
“Because it’s illegal and because I don’t want any.” Tears sit in the corner of her eyes. She looks like she has aged years in the hours she was away from me.  
I don’t move. “Why not?”  
“Just sit down.”  
I do. “Why?”  
“Because I need to feel this pain and because I want to see him.”  
I see it in her eyes. She is punishing herself for what happened, she blames herself. Emma has been punishing herself for years and not always in ways that leave scars on her arms.  
“Em, it’s not your fault.” I reach for her hand, but she doesn’t let me take it. I let my hand rest on the bed beside her head. “And he will be here when you wake up.”  
“It’s all my fault. We would never be here if I hadn’t gotten drunk.”  
It’s been months and she still hasn’t forgiven herself. I thought we had gotten over that night.  
“Damn, obviously you need to get drunk again and have some fun.” Dean stands up, walks to the other side of Em’s bed, and presses the button.  
“Dean.” Her voice is solid and she looks completely worn out. She closes her eyes, while Dean and I sit in silence. I hold her hand, not wanting to let her go for even a second.  
“Sam.” Em’s voice is soft and slightly slurred. Her medication must be kicking in.  
“I’m right here.” I place my other hand on hers.  
“Come here.” She whispers. I kneel on the floor again, placing my face inches from hers. She reaches her free hand up to my cheek, running her hand slowly, trembling down it. “Thank you. I love you.”  
With that she drops her hand back down and I know she has succumbed to her meds.


	24. Emma's POV

My eyes flutter open and for a moment I forget where I am. I try to sit up and the stabbing pain in my abdomen reminds me where I am.  
“Shit.” I say, flopping back down on the mattress. I peel the edge of my bandage off, making sure all my staples are still in tact. They are.  
Sam is suddenly in my face. “What’s wrong?” He looks like he hasn’t slept since we got here and knowing him, he hasn’t.   
“Nothing, just tried to sit up.”  
“Do you need something? I have some water here or I can go get you something to eat or I can find the nurse-“  
“Sam, I’m okay.” I interrupt him. “Where’s Dean?” My vision is limited to the ceiling and a bit to the left and right.  
“Hey Em, I’m here too.” Dean’s head pops up next to Sam’s.  
Sam keeps his eyes on me and I feel them, even as I look away. He strokes the side of my face, and then moves to planting kisses on my forehead. His presence is overwhelming and I need a moment away from him.  
“Sam, could you get me some juice?” I want to talk to Dean without Sam here. There are some things I want to know.  
He looks me in the eyes; his gaze weighs more than is measurable. “Sure, anything else?” His eyes relax a bit at the fact that he has a task set before him.  
I think for a moment. Juice is in the supply room so it will only take him a minute to get it. “Actually make that a smoothie from the snack shop. It’s on the first floor, take the c-elevators.” That should take him a little while.  
“Why doesn’t Dean get it, then I can stay with you?”  
I give Dean a look, a look that hopefully communicates that he needs to stay. Dean nods and says, “Sam, you need a little break from sitting here. Go.”  
Sam starts to protest, but Dean practically shoves him out of the room.  
“What’s going on Em?” He asks, shutting the door after Sam.  
“How is he dealing?”  
Dean takes a seat next to my bed. “He’s shaken up, but he’s okay now that you two are okay. He also hasn’t stopped staring at the baby, but refuses to pick him up. Says he doesn’t want to hurt him.” I smile. “And thankfully his arms are gigantic so he can hold both of your hands.”  
“The baby. My baby.”   
“He’s right over here. Do you want him?” Dean asks.  
“What is he doing?”  
“Sleeping. What else would he be doing?”  
I laugh. “I want to wait till Sam is here.”  
“Alright.”  
“Does he seem different?”  
“What? The baby?”  
“No, Sam.”  
“Different how?”  
“Like different around me? With me?” I fear our relationship has changed, that he doesn’t love me the same or that he will treat me like a broken toy.  
Dean sits quietly for a moment and I wonder if he is debating telling me some horrible truth. “He is different. He almost lost you and that broke him to pieces. I know he is trying to be strong right now, but he is definitely broken up.”  
“Does he still love me?” My voice is quiet.  
“Emma, he has never not loved you. Are you kidding me though? The man sat here and held your hand after you fell asleep telling you his favorite memories of the two of you.” Dean rolls his eyes, as if the thought of having a moment like that is too sappy.  
“Would he really be sad if I gave him this ring back?” Even with it on, I doubt Sam’s love sometimes. Besides, he deserves better.  
“Em, he loves you, okay? You need to get over whatever broken piece of you says otherwise. Whenever you say stuff like that, it kills him. He loves you.” Dean stares me down and I know he is dead serious. I also know if I wasn’t lying in this particular bed, he’d never tell me this.  
“I’m not used to being loved.”   
“I love you, butt-face.” He playfully punches my arm.  
“But you aren’t committed like Sam is. Like if you walked out, I wouldn’t be surprised. Not that I would be with Sam, but you haven’t tried to prove your love or whatever.” I struggle to explain what I am thinking. Dean moves to the edge of my bed and I know he is about to sit down. “Hold the bell and the little circle that has a green light beside it, furthest to the right.”  
“What?” He pauses and I hear him fumbling with the side of the bed.  
“It turns the bed alarm off.”  
He sighs, but obliges, and moments later is sitting at the top, and pulling my head into his lap. “I am committed to you, idiot. I won’t walk out on you and I know Sam won’t either.”  
We stay in that position for a while, Dean playing with my hair, and me playing with his words. I try to believe what he says, Dean doesn’t lie about stuff like this, but I just cannot fully accept it. Maybe if circumstances were different, I’d be lying here alone.  
“What if I was lying here after trying to commit suicide?”  
Dean bristles beneath me. “What?”  
“Would you two still be here?”  
“Trust me, we’d be here no matter what. If you tried to off yourself, Sam would be in here holding you to the bed, pleading with you to love yourself and I’d say I need you here to bother me and to keep Sam in line.” He laughs. “With me around, you ain’t going to be able to escape from the Winchesters.”  
“Dean, you are a sweetheart.” I reach my hand behind me and pat his arm.  
“Shut up. We never had this conversation.” He swats my hand away.  
“I need you here Emma, I love you.” I mock in a deep voice. “I would never leave you.”  
“If you weren’t stapled up, I would so be tickling you right now.”   
“That’s not much of a threat.” I tickle his side and he wiggles beneath my head.  
“I can still do this.” He starts flicking my head with his finger.  
I push myself up a bit with my elbow and flick him back. He flicks harder, which causes me to retaliate and pinch him.  
“What’s going on here?” Sam’s voice comes between Dean and I. I pinch him one more time; he swats me one last time, and gets up.  
“I’m going to find some more coffee. Be back in a few. You aren’t getting rid of me doll.”  
I smirk at him and he turns, leaving Sam and I alone.  
Sam hands me the smoothie and I take a sip, even though I don’t want it. I hand it back to him and he places it on the bedside table.  
“Emma, why don’t you open up like that with me anymore? It’s always with Dean.” He spits out Dean’s name. His hands form fists at his sides and his eyes flash with jealousy.  
I ponder my answer carefully; I don’t want to fight with him. “Sam, I am not afraid to lose him.”  
“But you’re afraid to lose me.” It isn’t a question, but a statement of the truth that I believe.  
“Yes.”  
He sits on my bed, pulling my head into his lap, like I was moments ago with Dean.  
“I gave you that ring, why the hell do you not believe it?” He looks a bit angry, but the rest of his face just seems sad.  
My eyes stare up into his and I feel tears fill the corner of my eyes. I close my eyes, not wanting to cry. “Sam.” My voice cracks.  
“No, I want to know why you won’t let me love you like I do, like you deserve.”  
“Because I don’t deserve and because I don’t love me like you love me.” My eyes are still closed. I hear Sam’s ragged breathing and the beep of my heart monitor. Suddenly Sam is gone and my head is lying flat against the mattress. I open my eyes, searching for him.   
“I wish you could see what I see.” Sam says, his body pressed up against the left side of mine. He lays an arm over my chest and snuggles his head into my neck.   
“You’re not supposed to be in the bed.”  
“Too bad.” I feel his breath on my ear, hot and wet.   
“Sam, you know I love you right?” I shift a bit so that I can see his face where it is still buried into my neck.  
“I may still have to pinch myself, but I fully believe you love me. Though when you try to push me away or give me that ring back, I feel doubts.”  
“I do it because I’m afraid that you regret this.”   
“I have a family. Em, that’s all I’ve ever wanted.”  
I let him kiss my neck, wanting to kiss him, but not being able to.  
“Sam? Come here.”  
His face suddenly looms in front of mine. “Why?”  
“So I can do this.”   
I reach up and pull his head down to mine, letting my lips find his.  
“That’s a good reason.” He murmurs through my kisses.  
“Sam, I want to hold our son.” I say softly, pushing him off my lips.  
“Okay, let me get the nurse.”  
“Why?”  
“To pick him up.”  
“You can do that you know.”  
I feel Sam shift and stand up straight. “But he’s so small.”  
“And you are his father.”  
“Just pick the kid up.” Dean says. I sit my bed up a bit to see Dean shove Sam towards the baby’s bed.  
He slides his hand under his back and slowly lifts him. Sam pulls him close, holding him like a football. He is completely naked except for a diaper and I can see little bruises from where he was poked.  
He whispers, “Hi son.”  
Sam walks over and lays the infant on my chest. My arms instinctively wrap around him. He has fine brown hair, soft skin, and hazel eyes that change in the light. “He has your eyes.”  
“Hey little man, I’m Uncle Dean.” Dean says, tickling his foot.  
My baby opens his eyes wider and focuses on something to the left of me.  
“He’s looking at me.” Sam says softly, voice sounding slightly strained.  
“Sam?” I look up and see tears on his cheeks.  
“I love you.” I say, motioning for him to come down and kissing him when he does.


	25. Sam's POV

“What’s his name?” A woman in scrubs asks.  
“We don’t know yet.” Em answers. She strokes the baby’s arm with her finger while smiling from ear to ear. I haven’t seen her this happy in what seems like years.  
“Well I’m baby w’s nurse and I have exciting news, he is being discharged today. The nurse practioner is going to do a final once over and then he is set to go.” She hands us a stack of papers. “This contains all the information you need for his discharge.”  
“Thank you.” I say taking the papers from her. I flip through them, but it’s mostly just his medical history and a bunch of numbers I don’t understand.  
The nurse talks with Emma about things I am sure I don’t understand. Em coughs and when I look up she is glaring at me like I should be paying attention.  
“Hello, I’m Angela, this little guy’s NP.” A woman wearing a black skirt and matching top with a white lab coat says.   
She takes the baby from Em and lays him back in his bed. She rambles on about what she is doing: listening to his lungs, taking his pulse, measuring his 02 level, and more.   
I tune her out and focus on my child. He is wiggling a bit and letting out a cry every once in a while. I just stand beside his bed, feeling lost, confused, and helpless. I cannot even imagine how it will be when I have to care for him. Thank goodness I’ll have Emma.  
“Sam, I am not going to be discharged till tomorrow. That means you have to take care of the baby.” Em says, breaking through my thoughts and instilling fear.   
I feel panic rise in my chest. “I can’t. I don’t know how.”  
She grabs my hand. “It’s going to be fine.”  
“Well before he leaves, he needs a name and both of you to sign the birth certificate.” The nurse says.  
“What do you want to name him?” I ask Em. A million names run through my mind, but none of them seem right.   
Em sits quietly, a look of deep thought crossing over her face. We never talked about names before this moment and perhaps we should’ve.  
“I think you should name him Samuel. It’s a family name and the name of this dork.” Dean punches me in the arm.  
“How about Samuel Alexander. After my two favorite guys.” Em says. “We can call him Alex though, I cannot deal with another Sammy.” She smirks and lets out a laugh.  
I don’t say anything though. It’s seems strange to name our son after myself and I don’t want to call him Alex seeing as that name in and of itself makes me want to punch straight through a wall. “No.”  
“What?” Em asks. She looks a little offended at my rejection of the name.  
“We will call him Ander, it’s a Greek name meaning strong.” I say. I will go with anything as long as we don’t call him Alex.  
“You are an encyclopedia of useless information.” Dean smiles. “But, I like it. Especially cause my name made the cut.”  
“Ander it is.” Emma grabs the pen from the nurse and fills out the birth certificate, signing her name on the mother line.  
She hands me the pen. I press it to the page above the father line, take a deep breath, and sign.  
“Alright, Ander you are free to go.” The nurse says, wrapping him up in a blanket and handing him to me. I take him, holding him tightly to my chest.  
“Sam, your hand is almost as big as his little body.” Em comments. “Okay, can you guys take these papers with you when you leave?”  
“We aren’t going home.” I say. I’d cross my arms, but Ander is there, but my voice conveys my distaste of the idea.  
“Yes you are. Ander needs food, clothes, a diaper change, and to sleep. He can only get one of those things here.” She reaches up to take him from my arms.  
She holds him to her chest, pulls her breast out, and lets him latch on. She points to a blanket at the end of the bed. I give it to her and she covers herself with it.  
“Jeez Em, just whip that thing out wherever.” Dean says, turning away.  
“That is the first and only time Dean will reject seeing a breast.” Em remarks. “I’m hurt.”  
“It’s not you, it’s him.” Dean points a finger at me causing Em to laugh. I roll my eyes as I try to remain calm at the fact that I am taking Ander with me and not Emma.  
“Sam, you are going to be fine.” She grabs my hand, the one not holding Ander.  
“I don’t know what I am doing. What if he cries?” I ask, panicking at the thought of having him at home alone with Dean and I. She hands me Ander and I take him, letting his little body snuggle up next to mine.  
“He will. There is formula on the counter. Mix half a scoop with one ounce of water and he probably will not drink it all, that’s normal. Diapers are on the changing table, sticky tabs go behind his butt and then wrap around. Put some clothes on him and don’t forget to burp him after he eats, he will probably throw up, but that is perfectly normal.” As Em lists off these I try to memorize every single one.   
“I can’t do this.” I hold Ander out to her, but she shakes her head.  
“Sam, you will be fine. Call me if you need anything okay?” She motions for me to bend down. She kisses my lips. “I love you and I’ll see you tomorrow.”  
It feels wrong leaving her in the bed there all alone, but she signals for me to go.   
I walk down the hall and out to the impala. Dean has the car parked right by the entrance.  
“I got the car seat back here.” He opens the door and I lay Ander in it, making sure he is facing the seat.   
“How the hell do you buckle this?” I take one piece in my hand and another in the other.  
“I think you just click them together.” Dean says over my shoulder.  
“What about this bottom thing?” I point to a piece sticking out between his legs.   
“No idea.”  
I sigh and press Em’s name on my cell phone.  
“The two silver pieces go together and slide into the base part while the top two plastic pieces just click together in front of his body. Make sure it is snug, but not pinching him.” She says before I get out a word.  
“How did you know?”  
“Sam, you haven’t been gone more than two minutes. There is nothing else you could be doing.” She laughs. “I love you.”  
“I love you too.”  
We get Ander settled in the seat after about ten minutes. I slide in next to him and Dean starts the car, driving us home.  
My eyes don’t leave Ander the entire ride. Every little sound he utters causes me to panic.  
“Calm down man, he’s fine.” Dean has already expressed his annoyance at my endless worrying.  
“He could be dying right now and I would never know.”  
“Well he isn’t.”   
Dean pulls into the garage. We get out and after five minutes of wrestling with the car seat, Ander is out as well. I take him to his room.  
“This is all yours buddy.” I walk him around the room showing him each and every item, not that he cares seeing as he sleeps through the entire thing.  
“Sam, you need to get some sleep.” Dean says, poking his head in the nursery. “Plus, I got you this.” He holds a beer up.  
I lay Ander down in his crib. I look at him, feeling as though something isn’t right. He sleeps peacefully, little hands on top of his diaper.   
“Shit, I forgot to dress him.” I pick him back up and walk over to the closet. “Are these pajamas?” I hold an outfit with little turtles on it up to Dean.  
“I don’t know. Just put it on him.” He takes a swig of his beer.  
I place Ander on the changing table. His little eyes flutter open and he looks around.  
“Should I change his diaper?” I look at it, as if it will give me the answer.  
“Do I look like I know the answers?” Dean shrugs, but comes into the room, sitting down in the rocking chair.  
I grab the tabs and pull them off, letting the diaper fall off his front. I lean over him to grab a new diaper when he lets out a little stream of urine that hits my face.  
I hear laughter behind me and then a thud. I turn around and see Dean lying on the ground, laughing, beer spilling out of its bottle onto the floor.   
“Dean, get up and help me.”  
“Hell no.” He sits up, wipes his eyes, and gets up, throwing me a towel from the closet. I wipe my face off and turn back to Ander.  
I get his diaper off and the new one on along with his pajamas in just under ten minutes. Why is everything so confusing?  
“Do you think he’ll be okay?” Ander is lying in his crib now and I am standing in the doorway.   
“He’s gunna be fine man.” Dean slaps my back and heads out of the room to his.  
I go to mine, shedding my clothes for a pair of plaid pajama bottoms. I flop down on my bed, exhausted from the past days events. I run a hand through my hair and sigh. I grab my pillow and a blanket and head to Ander’s room, setting up a mock bed on the floor.


	26. Emma's POV

I am sitting on the edge of my bed when Sam, Dean, and Ander stroll into the room. Well more like Sam is holding Ander to his chest while Dean follows holding multiple bags.  
“Brought you some clothes.” Dean hands a bag to me, setting the other two on the chair beside him.  
I reach in pulling out a tee shirt, jeans, a bra, and underwear. “Thanks. Can you give me some privacy?” Both boys head towards the door. “Not you Sam. I need help.”  
Sam hands Ander to Dean who makes a face, but holds him anyways. Once the two of them leave, I turn my back to Sam and pull my gown off. I reach for my underwear and manage to get them on without falling over.  
“Emma, let me help you.” Sam says, breath on my back.  
I take my bra and put it on as well before turning to face him. “Help me get my pants on.” I sit back down on the bed.  
Sam doesn’t move though, his eyes glued to my stomach where a line of staples goes from hip to hip above my underwear line. The skin around it is purple, red, and black.  
“Stop staring at my body and help me get dressed.” I joke, kicking him in the shins. He doesn’t even flinch, but instead reaches his hand out and tenderly places a finger above the sutures. “Sam.” This is making me uncomfortable.  
“That’s where they cut you.”   
“Obviously. Can you not?” I remove his hand. He finally looks up at me and his eyes change to reveal hurt. “Sam, you’re freaking me out.”  
“I almost lost you.” He whispers, eyes back on my wound.  
I refrain from giving him a sarcastic response and instead say, “But you didn’t.”  
He picks my pants up, squats down, and places each foot in its proper hole. “I love you.”  
I reach out and place my hand on his shoulder, pushing myself to a standing position. “I know.”  
His fingers leave burning trails as he pulls my pants up my legs and over my hips. I twist the button closed. “Say it.”  
His hands linger on my hips. “I love you too Sam.”  
His lips meet mine and his hands remain where they are, pressing lightly into my bare skin.  
The door opens a crack, letting Dean’s voice in. “Stop getting it on and get dressed cause this kid is fussing and I don’t know what to do.”  
I giggle; stepping back and pulling my shirt on over my head, letting Sam pull it down. I wince a bit when his hands ghost over my sutures.  
“You better be decent cause I am coming in.”   
Dean is in the room and Ander is in my arms all in one fluid motion. He whimpers again and I press a kiss to his head.  
I collect my discharge papers, shoving them into one of the bags Dean is holding. I say goodbye to the nurses and begin my slow walk towards the impala.  
“Em, lets get you a wheelchair.” Sam says as I grab the railing on the wall, trying to keep Ander balanced at the same time.  
I don’t argue with Sam even though I’d rather just walk. I let him get the wheelchair and set me in it. I keep Ander in my arms the whole time, watching him jerk his little legs while he dreams.  
“How did it go last night? I assume well since I didn’t get any calls.”  
“Well, Sammy was being paranoid, but other than that great.” Dean answers, placing one of the bags on the handle of the wheelchair as Sam pushes me down the hall.  
Sam’s eyes flash and he smacks his brother. “I wasn’t paranoid, I was just trying to do everything right.”  
“You slept on his floor.”  
“So? He might’ve gotten lonely.”  
“He didn’t even know you were there.”  
“Guys stop fighting.” I roll my eyes at their typical banter. “Sam, you’re sleeping with me in the bed tonight, he’ll be fine, and Dean stopping being an ass, just cause you shun responsibility doesn’t mean we all do.”  
“She told you.” Sam mutters under his breath.  
“Shut up.”  
“Jerk.”  
“Bitch.”


	27. Emma's POV

I am changing Ander’s diaper when Cas arrives. The rustle of his wings alerts me to his presence.  
“Cas! Meet the newest Winchester.” I motion for him to come over. “This is Ander. Ander, this is Uncle Cas.”  
I finish putting his clean diaper on and hand him to Cas. Cas surprisingly snuggles him close to his chest.  
“I have a problem Emma.” Cas starts, patting Ander on the head. Ander lets out a displeasing cry and Cas stops, tilting his head like he always does when he is confused and trying to figure out humanity.  
“Alright, shoot.” I fold a blanket that has been forgotten on the floor. I set it on the back of the rocking chair to my right.  
“Shoot what?”   
“It’s an expression Cas.” I laugh. “Just tell me what’s going on.”   
“It’s Dean.”   
Ander lets out another cry and Cas holds him out like he is covered in filth, arms straight out, pressing Ander into me. I take him, drawing him close to me, and begin bouncing a bit, just the way he likes.  
“What’s wrong with Dean?”  
“Nothing.” Suddenly Cas clams up and starts tugging on his tie. He faces the floor and toes the ground  
“Cas, are you nervous?” I ask. I have never seen the angel nervous in all of my time knowing him.  
“Emma I think I love him.”  
I stop bouncing Ander and he starts crying, but I don’t move. “Cas, are you serious?”  
“Of course.” I remember that Cas doesn’t joke.  
By now Ander is wailing, but I am still frozen. “How do you know?” I ask over his cries. I mean, I always thought something was going on underneath all the gazes and petty fighting.  
“My hands get all sweaty when he is near, my heart beats faster, and I feel happy, very happy.”  
The door opens and Dean appears. “God Em, can you shut him up?”  
I begin bouncing him again and his cries slowly die down.  
“Dean, Cas needs to talk to you.”  
“Emma.” Cas glares at me.  
“Hey you blurt out my secrets, I’m just returning the favor.” I smirk and leave the room giving them privacy.   
“Em, what’s going on?” Sam is walking down the hall towards me. “Is Cas here?”  
“Yes.” But before I can answer, Dean comes out of the nursery with Cas on his heels.  
“Give me a moment Cas.” Dean says, stopping the angel from following him further.  
Cas says nothing, but waits in the hallway exactly where Dean stopped him.  
“What is going on?” Sam asks again.  
“I told Dean my love for him made my insides tingle and asked if he wanted to be mine.” Cas says simply.  
Sam lets out a noise between a cough and a gasp, making it sound like he is choking. “You what?”  
I readjust Ander in my arms. “Sam, Cas loves Dean.”  
“I got that.”  
I turn back to Cas. “Well, what did he say?”  
“Nothing, he just left the room.” His face falls and my heart breaks for him. I know Dean is just overwhelmed, but Cas’ face makes my feet take action.  
I hand Ander to Sam and go to Dean’s room. I walk in to find him pacing back and forth in front of his bed.  
“Dean.” I start, but he cuts me off.  
“Cas just told me he loved me.”  
“I know.”  
“Em, what the hell am I supposed to do?”  
I quietly close the door behind me. “Do you love him back?”  
“No, I mean yes, I mean I don’t know.” He puts his hands up and stops walking. He pauses a moment before saying, “Yes. Yes I do.”  
“Well go out there and get your man.” I open the door and shove him through.   
“Cas,” Dean starts and I watch from the doorframe. He grabs his hands and pulls him close so that their noses are touching. “I love you too.”  
Suddenly they are kissing and backing up through Dean’s door. Dean pushes me aside and I walk out of the room, closing the door behind me.  
“What the hell just happened?” I forget Sam is there for a minute and his demanding question makes me jump a bit.  
“Cas and Dean finally said I love you out loud.”  
Sam opens and closes his mouth a few times before speaking. “Good for them.”  
“Sam, are you mad or something?”   
“No, just shocked. Dean really isn’t a relationship kind of guy.”  
“Yeah well I think Cas will change that. I mean, that man is all kinds of beauty and adorableness that are worth committing to.”  
“Why don’t you just marry him then.” Sam says sarcastically, but I know he is hiding his jealousy.  
“Sam, for goodness sake’s you don’t need to get jealous of everything. He is in there making out with your brother. There is no way I would ever come between him and his object of desire.” I plant a kiss on his cheek. “Besides I have my own soul mate.”  
Sam’s eyes widen a bit. “Soul mate?” He echoes.  
I feel my heartbeat quicken and I back up a bit. Are we not soul mates? Cause we are getting married. “Yeah, soul mates.”  
“Soul mates.”  
“Like our souls belong together?” Does he not understand?  
“You think our souls belong together?”  
I roll my eyes. “No, I’m marrying you so I can screw that sexy body whenever I want.”  
Sam shifts Ander in his arms so that one hand becomes free. His eyes darken and that hand finds its way to my stomach, pushing me up against the wall. “Don’t say things like that unless you plan on acting on them.”  
“Sam, you ain’t getting in these pants till our wedding night. I’m building up the suspense.”  
He points to Ander. “Already been there sweetie.”  
“Well stop talking about sex in front of our son. God, he’s going to be scarred for life.”  
“You’re the one who was talking about my sexy body.” He grabs my hand and pulls me flush to his body. I lean over and kiss Ander’s nose. “You really think we are soul mates?”  
“Yes. Okay I think we were made for each other, is that wrong?”  
“No, it’s not wrong at all. I just didn’t know you felt that way too.”  
“What did you think I was marrying you for? I want to spend forever with you.”  
“Well it’s a good thing I want to spend forever with you too then.”


	28. Sam's POV

“Sam, I need your help.” Cas picks up a book in the library, turning it over to read the back.  
“Yeah, what’s up?” I take a sip of the water sitting beside me as I flip through a book on how bones play into the supernatural realm.  
“I want to take Dean out on a date.” Cas sets the book back on the desk and walks over to the table where I am, sitting across from me.  
“So why do you need my help?”  
“I want you and Emma to come. I also don’t know how to plan a date.” He sighs. “It seems Dean only likes sex, beer, and burgers.”  
I snicker. “Yeah that’s about it.”   
“I’ve never had sex before though. Where is an appropriate location?” Cas stares intently at me.  
“First off, if this is a double date then sex is off the table.”  
“No sex on tables. Got it.” Cas says, interrupting me.  
“Second,” I continue, pretending I didn’t hear him. “Dean does like other things.”  
“He likes cuddling and star-gazing.”  
“I knew it.” I mutter. Dean would never own up to cuddling, but when we were younger, he always spooned me when we shared a bed.  
“Is cuddles and star-gazing a date?” Cas asks.  
“Yes.”  
“And you and Emma will come?”  
I really don’t want to be around Dean and Cas while they are basically having sex through their clothes. “Sure, Ander will come too.”  
“Okay. We have three hours till sunset. We must get things ready. We need food and beer.”   
“We’re doing this tonight?” I ask even though it’s clear that we are.  
“Of course.” He pauses. “Is that not customary?”  
“Cas, with you nothing is.”  
“Sam, please help me.” He pleads.  
“Fine, let’s go to the store.”  
Cas happily clambers up, grabs my hand, and flies us to the grocery. We land in the parking lot and Cas pulls me towards the store.  
“Let’s go.”  
“Cas, we could’ve driven.”  
“It’s my date and I want to do this myself.” I raise my eyebrow. “With your help.”  
I grab a buggy and follow Cas into the store. “What are we getting?”  
“Things Dean likes.”  
Thanks Sherlock. “Like what?”  
He picks up a rose and places it in the cart. Not to be outdone, I place one in for Em as well. Cas moves to the beer first and I follow, watching him curiously. He picks each bottle up, inspecting it, and it hits me how perfect he wants this to be. I mean, sure he is taking forever because he doesn’t know anything about beer, but each one he picks up, he names how many times he has seen Dean drink it.  
“Six.” He mutters, placing that one back on the shelf.  
“Get this one Cas.” I hand him a six-pack of one I know Dean will love.  
“Eighty-seven.” Dean says in confirmation, placing the pack in the cart. He then grabs an odd assortment of items as we wander down the aisles. I say nothing, letting him plan this date as he wants.  
“Is this enough?” Cas asks, gesturing to the cart.  
“Plenty.” I say, pushing him towards the checkout. If we stay any longer we will have enough food to feed an entire school.  
I place all the items on the cart. There are normal things like chips, fruit salad, and burgers that Cas is apparently going to cook. There are also things like a pink flamingo saltshaker Cas insisted we needed.  
“Fifty-four ninety-seven.” The cashier says. Before I can pull out my card, Cas is handing the lady a pile of bills.  
“This is three-hundred dollars.” The lady says after counting it. She gives Cas a strange look and hands him back his change.  
“Cas, where did you get that money?” I ask once we exit the doors.  
“I worked for it.” He puffs his chest out and smiles brightly.  
“How?” Maybe I don’t want to know.  
“I was at a bar and there was a man there.”   
“Cas, you didn’t have sex did you?” I ask even though I really don’t want to know.  
“No, I played pool.”  
“You know how to play pool?”  
“I’ve watched Dean.”  
“And you’re good?”  
“Well I did bend the laws of physics to help me win.”  
“You cheated?”  
“I used my resources. I learned that from Dean. The man said if he won he would teach me a lesson, but if I won I would get the money. I was not in the mood to sit in a classroom, so I cheated.” His face is completely serious.   
I burst into laughter at the angel’s innocence. “Cas, that’s rich.”  
“I know. I made a lot.” He replies, completely missing the idiom.  
He grabs my arm and seconds later we touch down outside the bunker.  
“I will set up our items.” Cas drops my arm and begins scurrying around. I roll my eyes and head into the bunker.  
“Where have you been?” Dean asks the moment the door clicks closed.  
“Out with Cas.”  
“Doing what?”  
“Not having sex if that’s what you’re insinuating.” Dean’s ears turn pink. “We went to the store.”  
“To do what?” Dean pushes.  
I breeze past him, placing the few items I bought on the counter. “To buy stuff.”  
“Yeah, I got that.” He snaps.  
“Dude, what is your problem?” I place the coffee creamer in the fridge and set the jars of baby formula in the cupboard.  
“Nothing.” Dean brushes me off, opting to pick at a string on his shirt.  
“This isn’t nothing.”  
“He told me he loved me, made out with me, left and then doesn’t come back for a week and when he does it’s to see you.” Dean kicks the table leg.  
“Dean, trust me, he came to speak to me about you. He just needed a little help.”  
“That I couldn’t give him?”  
“Dean, he loves you, but he needed someone else’s help.”  
Dean sighs and walks out of the kitchen. I follow him and see Emma sitting on the couch. Dean sits down beside her and hits play on the remote.  
I walk behind the couch and kiss Em’s head. “Hey.”  
“Hush, this is a good part.” Em responds, but pats the spot next to her. I sit down and she snuggles up next to me, placing her head on my chest.   
“What are we watching?” I whisper.  
“House.” She answers, wrapping her hand around mine.   
We sit there together till the credits begin to roll.  
“Okay, I am ready.” Cas says behind us.  
“Shit Cas, don’t scare me like that.” Dean sputters, standing up to face his angel.   
“I’m sorry Dean. I have something for you.” Cas holds out his hand and Dean takes it. “For you as well Emma.”  
Emma looks at me curiously and I gesture for her to follow Cas. He leads us outside and I am actually shocked by what I see. A blanket is spread under the ancient oak tree; little twinkly lights are strung in its branches. On the blanket are the burgers that Cas somehow figured out how to cook, along with the other food we bought and that damn saltshaker.  
“Cas, you did this for me?” Dean asks quietly.  
“Why, is it wrong? Sam helped me, but perhaps I should have gotten the other kind of beer.”  
“It’s perfect you idiot. I’m just impressed.” Dean replies.  
Cas closes the distance between them, pressing his lips to Dean’s. I sit down on the blanket, with my back to them.  
“They are so cute.” Emma says, sitting beside me. “God, he is romantic. Look at all this.”  
“I’m romantic.” I say defensively.  
“He got him a rose, Sam, and made his favorite food and the lights are perfect.” She flops down, placing her head in my lap. My legs are stretched out in front of me and I lean back on my hands, keeping my gaze on her.  
“I’m romantic.” I repeat.  
“You are, just in a different way.” She replies.  
“How?” I push.  
“Cas is unsure of everything and works to make sure he does everything perfectly. You, on the other hand, already know what makes humanity tick, along with me.”  
“I try to make things perfect.”  
“Cas and Dean are figuring out what being together means. We already know. Like if you did this for me, I would be shocked.” She stretches her hands behind her, running her hands down my chest.  
“Well sorry I’m not Cas.” I mutter sarcastically.  
Em sits up and turns around, straddling my lap and pushing me until I am lying on my back. “I’m not.” She smirks and kisses my lips.  
I wrap my hands around her head, trying to bring us even closer together.  
“Gross.” Dean says and I turn my neck, looking at him looming down at me.  
“Yeah well I was trying not to look at you two. Wasn’t sure if your pants would stay on.”


	29. Emma's POV

“I am freezing.” I say, stomping my boot covered feet into the snow. Ander lets out a cry as if in agreement. I stop pushing his stroller and walk around to the front, squatting down. “I know daddy is making us freeze.”  
“We are having fun.” Sam corrects.  
“Tell that to my ass, which I can no longer feel.” Dean counters.  
“A guy tries to do one nice thing for his family and suddenly he is the enemy.” Sam sighs, but pulls a scarf out of the diaper bag that is hanging off the back of the stroller. I tuck it around Ander and he lets out a content sigh. He is barely visible underneath all the blankets and elf hat.  
I stand back up and kiss, Sam. “It’s great. It’s just cold.”  
“You look beautiful with the snowflakes in your hair.” Sam whispers into my ear. I can feel my cheeks turning red.  
“You better not have said anything about sex.” Dean interrupts.  
“Dean, you always talk about sex.” Cas points out. Dean glares at him, but Cas simply wraps their hands together.  
“Let’s just go see the bears.” I say, pushing the stroller in order to stop the fighting. Sam took all of us to the local zoo to see the Christmas lights.  
“Em, can I talk to you for a second?” Sam asks. Everyone stops walking and I turn to face him. “Alone?”  
I feel my heart drop to the ground. Nothing good ever comes out of the words I need to talk. I nod to Dean and Cas and watch as they walk a bit further. I busy myself with rearranging my scarf.  
“Emma, I brought you here for a reason.” I swallow hard as Sam takes my hands in his.  
“Okay.” I manage to squeak out. The cold nips at the edges of skin poking out under my various layers. I blink, willing the tears to stay where they are, but the cold draws them out.  
“Wait, are you crying?” Sam scrunches his face up and drops my hands.  
“No.” I huff out angrily.   
“Why?”  
“Sam, you said you needed to talk to me.” I pull the glove off my left hand and slide the ring off. I place it in Sam’s hand, folding his fingers around it. “Nothing good ever comes of those words.”  
“I am not leaving you Emma. God, I could never leave you.” Sam grabs my hand and pushes the ring back on. He holds my hand in between his gloved ones and I look up into his eyes. “I brought you here because I wanted to do something normal as a family.”  
“Oh.” Is all I manage to get out.  
“And because you look beautiful with little snowflakes in your hair.” I smile and drop my eyes. “And because I like showing you off.”  
“Sam.” I roll my eyes at his last statement.  
“What? I can’t help it that I want everyone to know I ended up with the perfect girl.” He whispers, kissing my forehead.  
“Why are you so lame?” I laugh.  
“Not lame, in love.” He corrects. I bop his head with my bare hand before shoving it back into my glove. “I want you to know that I am happy and I love you. More than you can ever know.”  
“I love you too.” I say softly, pressing my lips onto his.  
“We’ve had more than our fair of shit, but there’s no place I’d rather be than by your side.” He murmurs against my lips.


	30. Emma's POV

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Wedding

“Which color?” I hold two shades of mauve lipstick up to Charlie.  
“That one.” She points to the deeper shade.  
I uncap the lid and slide the color over my lips. I rub them together and check to make sure they are evenly covered in the mirror in front of me. Charlie grabs another lock of hair, twists it around the curling iron, and then pins it to the back of my head.  
“Charlie, I’m freaking out right now.” I retie the bow on the front of my robe, letting my legs swing underneath the chair.  
“Em, that’s good. True love should give you butterflies.”  
“What if he leaves me at the altar?”  
“He won’t. Besides, if he does then I’ll just take his place.”  
I see her wink at me in the mirror. I laugh and pick Ander up.  
“Stop moving.” Charlie bats my head.  
I laugh again and place a kiss on Ander’s head. He is naked except for a diaper and his chest is already covered in drool. I wipe it off with the sleeve of my robe and watch him squirm.  
“Today is a big day little man.” He just smacks my face with his wet hand.  
“And done.”   
I look up into the mirror and gasp. Charlie has managed to turn me into a princess. My hair is twisted onto my right shoulder and flows down to wear Ander is yanking on it.  
“I look good.”  
“Put this on and let’s see the final product.”   
Charlie takes my wedding dress off the hook on the back of Ander’s nursery door where we have set up our impromptu dressing room. I set Ander on the ground and stand up.  
I shed all of my clothes and step into the white cloth, turning so Charlie can zip me up.  
I turn back to the mirror and hear myself gasp. The dress is lace around the bodice, sleeveless, and full in the skirt. It flows out and brushes against the oak floor. I spin in a circle watching it fly out.  
“Damn, you look hot.” Charlie comments, picking Ander up of the floor where he is trying to crawl over to my make-up bag and eat something.  
There is a knock at the door and Dean enters, with Cas right behind him. “How did Sam get so lucky?” Cas coughs next to him. “Don’t worry babe, I still love yah.”  
I blush under the intense gaze of my three favorite friends. “Well, let’s get this show on the road.”  
Dean drives Sam and Cas with him, while I strap Ander into his car seat that is in Charlie’s truck. I’ve dressed him in a shirt that has an octopus on it. There is no way I am dressing him in his little tux yet.


	31. Sam's POV

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Wedding

We arrive at the park after forty-five minutes of Cas and Dean bickering.  
“Dean, where is my trench coat?” Cas asks, stepping out of the passenger seat. It is my wedding day and that angel still got to ride shotgun.  
“Cas, we went over this already, you can’t wear your trench coat to the wedding.”  
“Fine. Can we dance though?”  
Dean starts walking towards where the wedding is set up, some white folding chairs and an altar that is just a white sheet covered in rose petals.  
“Cas.” Is all he says.  
“Please?”  
“Fine, okay fine.”  
Dean hands him a bag of candles. The reception is going to be here as well. Emma and I came yesterday and hung strings of lights in the trees and set up a table where her mom is going to put snacks and the cake.  
“Stop messing with your tie.” Dean smacks Cas’ hand and directs him how to set the candles up seeing as before he just dumped them in a pile.  
I take a step to go help them, but Dean waves me off.   
“Sam, you look very handsome.” I hear a voice behind me say.  
I turn around to see Em’s parents, her dad in a black tux and her mom wearing a floor length navy dress, with sleeves down to her wrists where a diamond bracelet sparkles in the late afternoon sun.  
“It’s nice to see you again.” I say politely, shaking Frank’s hand and hugging Alice.  
“Frank, help me get the food set up.” Alice directs him back towards their car and again when I try to help, they wave me off. “This is your wedding hun, let us set it up.”  
I rock back and forth on my heels, the black dress shoes digging into my ankles.   
“There’s daddy.” I hear Charlie say.  
I look up and see Charlie, wearing a navy knee-length dress, which brings her red hair out even more, holding a squirming Ander who is wearing a tiny tux. A bib that says ring man covers his white shirt.  
“Come here little man.” I take him out of Charlie’s arms and she bounces off to help Em’s sister Rose set up the speakers for the reception.  
Ander slaps my face with a sticky hand, so I toss him up in the air, watching his face light up.  
“Don’t make him barf.” I hear Em’s voice.  
I spin around, but cannot see her. “Where are you?”  
“In Charlie’s car.” Her voice floats out of Charlie’s black truck, where a window is cracked. I take a step towards her. “Uh-uh. Don’t come any closer and definitely don’t look.”  
……….  
Charlie and Rose stand on the other side of the altar while Dean and Cas stand behind me. The audience is small and consists of Bobby and Jody, Kevin, Frank and Alice, Ellen, Jo, Garth, and Gabriel.   
Alice is standing at the beginning of the aisle again with Ander in her arms. She walks down the very short aisle and pauses while Garth takes their picture. When she reaches the end, she lets him hand me the rings and then retakes her seat, strapping Ander into his carrier.  
Then Canon in D starts playing (Em insisted on it even though we both agreed it was cliché) and suddenly she appears seemingly out of nowhere. My breath catches in my chest and my heart speeds up.  
Em looks perfect in her white dress and side-swept hair. I feel my hand cover my mouth in a gasp and a tear leak out of my eye.   
She walks slowly towards me and when she gets close enough, I can see the shine in her eyes that shows I’m not the only one overcome with emotion.  
The minister gives his small spiel, but my mind is not focusing on his words, but instead the shy smile Emma is giving me.  
“You look perfect.” I whisper, shoving my hands in my pockets, suddenly feeling like a little kid.  
“Sam, sh.” She chastises me, but based on the sudden pink glow in her cheeks I know she doesn’t mean it.  
“Do you, Samuel David Winchester, take Emma Christine Anderson to be your wife?” The minister asks.  
I take a deep breath and pray I don’t forget the words I spent hours memorizing. “I, Samuel David Winchester, take Emma Christine Anderson, to be my wife. I promise to honor and cherish her, to love her with all that I have, and to care for her through every moment in life. I will be there every morning when you wake and will hold you through the night. I don’t know how I got this lucky, but I promise to be yours for eternity.”  
By the end of my words, tears are flowing down Emma’s cheeks. Her hands are working overtime to wipe them away. “I’m not sure I can follow that.”  
The audience laughs and I take her hand from her face, sliding on her ring. The minister then asks her the question. “Do you, Emma Christine Anderson, take Samuel David Winchester to be your husband?”  
“I guess.” She shrugs and I feel my heart drop. “I’m just messing with you, Sam.” She giggles and I smack her arm. “I, Emma Christine Anderson, take Samuel David Winchester, to be my husband. I promise to love him and support him in all that he does. I will be there when days are happy and when days are rough for nothing will ever separate us. I even promise to let you kiss me. I love you for all eternity.”  
She takes my shaking hand in hers and slides the matching ring on.  
“Well, you better take her up on that last promise.” The minister laughs. “I now pronounce you man and wife, Samuel David Winchester, you may now kiss Emma Christine Winchester.”  
“I love the way that sounds. Mrs. Emma Christine Anderson.” I whisper, looking down into her wet eyes. I wipe my thumbs underneath them.  
“Just kiss me already.” She whispers back.  
“You don’t have to tell me twice.”  
I wrap my arm around the back of her neck and press my lips onto hers. I taste mint and Emma. I break our lips apart and press my forehead to hers keeping my eyes fixed on hers.  
“Thank you.” She grabs my hand and twists the ring.


	32. Sam's POV

After an evening of dancing and crying, I am emotionally exhausted. Dean and Cas have already gone to their room and I know Cas has to be tired after the insane amount of dancing he did. I swear the angel never slowed down for a second despite the fact that he cannot dance.  
“Goodnight Ander.” Em kisses his head and lays him down in his crib. It’s a strange sight, Emma in her wedding dress, white and flowing, laying Ander down. Her dress is wet at the top where he drooled.  
“Night son.” I turn the light off and close the door after Em exits. I slide my hand into hers and take her to our bedroom.  
I turn on the light and see a little table beside our bed with champagne and two glasses on it along with a little note. It reads Sam on the front.  
“Go ahead.” She nudges me towards the note.   
I shrug off my tux jacket and sit on the edge of the bed.  
My Love,  
This is by far one of the happiest days of my life. I am writing this letter as Charlie curls my hair. You are with Dean getting ready and I have to keep pinching myself to make sure this is real and not a dream. Ander is sitting in his diaper, chewing on his foot. How did I get so lucky as to have these two amazing men in my life? I want you to know I love you with my entire being and you complete me. Here is to the first day of the rest of our forever.  
Mrs. Emma Winchester

I tuck the note under the bottle. Emma hands me a glass and I take a sip. “You did this?”  
“I thought the bunker needed something for this special night.” She sets her glass down. “Can you unzip my dress?”  
I set mine down beside hers and stand up. My hand grasps her zipper and slowly pulls it down. When I reach the bottom, she steps out of the dress, placing it on a hanger that is over the bathroom door.  
“Sam.” She says softly, her back to me. Her skin is bare except for a pair of white panties with lace along the edges.  
“What?” I move closer to her. I place my hand on her shoulder and I realize she is afraid. “I have already seen you naked.”  
“Yeah, but I don’t remember that you dork.” She shifts and turns around, face focusing on the ground.  
My breath catches inside me at the site of her. Her breasts peek out beneath her arms, which are crossed in front of her. A scar stretches from one hip to the other, below her bellybutton. I slide my hands into each of hers and pull her arms apart.  
“Look at you.” I sigh, content. “My beautiful bride.”  
She pulls in close to me, kissing my lips. “I love you.”  
“I love you too.” I return through kisses.  
She pulls back and looks me dead in the eye. Her fingers move from my hands to the buttons on my shirt. She takes each one slowly, till my shirt is on the ground and I’m left in my tee shirt. I shed that, along with my shoes and pants.  
Em is still standing in front of me, eyes on the floor again. She is biting her lip and rocking back and forth on her heels.  
“We don’t have to do this.” My heart is beating hard and I want nothing more than to slam her against the wall with my body, but I keep my touch light, caressing her cheek.  
“Sam, I’m just nervous.” She shifts underneath my fingers. “I’ve never done this before and what if I’m not any good or what if I’m not pretty because maybe I don’t look good naked or-“  
I silence her with my lips. “Em, you have skills you don’t even know you possess and you certainly look wonderful naked.”  
Her face is inches from mine. “Well then show me what you’ve got.”  
I don’t need any more invitation than that. I wrap my arms around her bare back and push her towards the wall with my lips, placing my hands on either side of her shoulders when we arrive. My lips part and her tongue meets mine. My hands move down the wall to her hips and I run them over her skin to her ass, sliding my hands under her panties.  
“Sam.” She moans into my mouth, shuddering under my touch.  
I lift her hips up and she wraps her legs around my waist. I take a step back and lay her down on our bed.  
She pushes and we roll over so that she has me pinned down. Her lips eagerly move with mine and her hands roam over my chest. I slide a finger over her panties, pulling slightly. She leans down, lifting her ass into the air allowing me to take them off and fling them across the room.  
“Sam.” I stop caressing the skin over her hipbones.  
“Yeah?”  
“I love you.”  
I let my hands trail up and down her sides. “I love you too.”


	33. Emma's POV

I wake up naked, snuggled up next to Sam. His arm weighs heavy over my body and his hand rests on my stomach. I reach my own hand down and touch the ring that is on his fourth finger, making sure it is real.  
I slide out from under him and head to the bathroom.   
I am prepping for our big day by twisting my hair up into a knot when Sam comes in. “Morning Mrs. Winchester.” His arms snake around my waist and he pulls me back against himself.  
I connect my eyes with his in the mirror. “Are you ready for today?”  
He spins me around and kisses me quickly. “Yes.”  
“You aren’t wearing any clothes.” I poke my finger into his chest.  
“So? Neither are you.”  
“I’m wearing a robe.”  
He slides his hands under it and up my stomach. “With nothing underneath.” He smirks.  
“Get your horny ass in the shower and get dressed before I leave it here.” I smirk back and turn around, grabbing my tube of mascara.  
“Hey last night was the first night I’ve had sex in over a year so shut your mouth.” He runs his hands through his hair, but turns the shower on.  
I think about saying something witty, but succumb to the guilt I feel. I run the wand over my eyelashes, thinking about how patient Sam has been with me. But what if last night really wasn’t worth the wait? Sam has had a lot of experience, maybe I didn’t even compare.  
“Em, it was worth the wait.” Sam’s voice breaks through my thoughts.  
“What?”  
“I know that’s what you are thinking about. How you made me wait.” He smiles before ducking into the shower. “I forgot about every other girl last night. I mean, I forgot about them all when I met you, but last night was perfect. It’s like our bodies were made for each other.”  
“Sam, that is the cheesiest shit I have ever heard.” I say through a smile.  
“Yeah, but I know you have a stupid big grin on your face because you like hearing me say that.”  
I choose not to respond and instead go back into the room, pulling on jeans and my favorite Hogwarts shirt. Sam is still in the shower, so I slip out and head to the kitchen, starting a pot of coffee.  
“Morning.” Dean says behind me.  
I turn around and he is wearing his gray bathrobe over plaid pajama bottoms. “Are you sure you and Cas are going to be okay?”  
“Em, we’ll be fine. Besides, we are going to visit in three days.” He replies, pulling a box of cereal from the cupboard.  
“Do you have all the notes I gave you?”  
He points to a binder on the counter. “Em, we will be fine.”  
“Em, you almost ready to go?” Sam asks, walking into the kitchen with Ander in his arms.  
“Yeah, let me grab something to eat.” I grab a granola bar and a mug of coffee, setting them on the counter.   
I take a sip of the coffee and then take Ander from Sam’s arms.   
“Hello.” Cas says, wearing a pair of sweats and one of Dean’s shirts. It is still weird getting used to Cas wearing anything other than his trench coat, white shirt, and blue tie.   
“What did you do last night Cas?” I ask, switching Ander to my other hip so I can grab a banana off the counter.  
“I read Harry Potter so we can watch the movies when you come back.”   
Sam, Dean, and I have been culturing Cas. Dean wants to teach him about music, although only 80s rock, and cooking, while Sam and I have been trying to educate him about all things.   
“So what did you think? You read Goblet of Fire right?”  
“Yes. The tasks present an interesting concept of how luck and fate work together.”  
“Cas, it is too early for your philosophy shit.” Dean groans, handing Sam a mug of coffee.  
“Dean, you never like my so called ‘philosophy shit’.” Cas remarks.  
Before they start bickering, Sam shoves a bag in Dean’s arms, and we all head out to the impala, loading it up.  
I settle in the back with Cas on my left and Ander on my right. We ride in silence for a while, Dean humming along to the radio and Sam sipping his coffee, while Cas stares out the window.  
……….  
I kiss Ander’s head and hand him to Dean. “Bye kiddo. I love you.”  
“Bye son.” Sam says, leaving a kiss in the same spot I left mine. “Bye Dean and Cas.”  
I pat Dean’s arm and give Cas a big hug. Sam grabs our bags and starts heading out the door. “You guys have fun. Dean, make sure you turn his mobile on when he goes to bed and there is extra formula on the bottom shelf of the pantry and he-“  
“Em,” Dean interrupts me. “Go. We will be fine.”  
I sigh, but smile. “Okay. Cas, have fun and make sure Dean behaves himself.” I squeeze the angel’s arm and follow Sam into the airport.  
As soon as we are out of sight, Sam grabs me, pulling me flush to him and kissing my lips.  
“Sam, what are you doing?” I ask, breaking away from him.  
“We are alone.”  
“Yeah, so? There are still people all around.” I gesture to the throngs of people rushing about.  
He leans in close and places his mouth next to my ear. “Yeah, well now I can bang you whenever I want.”  
I feel my face flush red. “Sam.” I back up a bit.  
“Just you and me for three whole days.”  
“Sam, stopping being a horny teenager and help me check the bags.” I know my cheeks are still red and I feel as though everyone is staring at us, as if they know what Sam just said.  
“You’re gunna be sore.” He slides his hand into the back pocket.  
I spin around, letting his hand slide out. “Sam, what the hell is your problem? Stop.”   
I pull the handle of the suitcase and walk away from him. My heart is racing and I feel uncomfortable, like the room is too hot and my skin is crawling.  
I feel a big warm hand slide around mine. “Emma.” His voice is soft and apologetic. I don’t say anything and try to keep walking, but his hand is holding me back. “I don’t want to start our honeymoon fighting.”  
I stop and sigh. “Me either.”  
“I’m sorry.”  
I turn and face him. “What is going on with you today? Why are you acting like this?”  
He presses his lips together in thought before speaking. “I’ve waited so long for you to be completely mine. I’ve waited over two years.”  
I slowly pull my hand out of his as my heart drops to the floor. “Well I’m sorry to have made you suffer for two years.”  
“I didn’t suffer.”  
“That’s what you just said.”  
“No I said I had to wait two years, but I wasn’t suffering. Sure I would have loved to have sex with you during that time, but I was more than content to just hold your hand and love you.” He brushes the hair out of my face as my head ducks down, my eyes focusing on the ground.  
“I love you, Sam.” I feel tears prick the corners of my eyes.  
He reaches his hand under my chin and lifts it up so that our lips meet again. He captures my hand with his. “Let’s go catch a plane.”  
I follow him to the baggage check and let him place the two suitcases one by one on the scale. I watch the way his hair falls out from behind his ears when he leans over and how he brushes it back behind them when he stands up again. I watch the way his rolled up sleeves hug his arms right above the wrists, exposing his black watch. I watch the way two dimples form on his cheeks when he smiles at the clerk.   
“That’s my wife back there.” I hear him say and watch as he turns, gesturing with a large hand towards me. The woman smiles. “I just married her.” The woman congratulates him and Sam’s lips break apart in a widening smile.  
He picks his backpack up off the ground and swings it over his shoulder, walking back to me.  
“Why are you looking at me like that?”  
“Like what?”  
He grabs my hand and we walk towards security. “I dunno. You just kept starring at me as I was checking the bags.”  
“No I wasn’t.”  
“You were checking out my ass weren’t you?” He bumps his side into mine, jostling me a bit.  
“Don’t flatter yourself.”  
We join the line for security. Sam spins me so that I am facing him. “Tell me. Please.”  
“Sam, you are acting like a child.” He raises his eyebrows. “I was admiring the little things I love about you.”  
“Aw, you’re so cute.” He pinches my cheek.  
I slap his hand off. “Stop it.”  
“What things?”  
“How you’re annoying.”  
“Tell me.” He makes his famous puppy dogface.  
“How your hair falls from behind your ears and the way you tuck it back and your dimples and the way your sleeves grip your arms.”  
He breaks out into a huge grin. “Like how you twist little fly-away hairs around your finger when you think and how you roll your eyes and how your hands are really warm.”  
“Sam, you don’t play with your hair.” I question his mocking.  
“No, but you do.” He plants a kiss on my lips.  
“I don’t roll my eyes that much.” I say. Sam only smirks.  
“Tickets and IDs please.” The security guard says.  
Sam hands him the stack. “This is my wife.” He yanks my hand up, showing off my ring.  
“Sam, stop.” I roll my eyes.  
“You do roll your eyes that much.” He takes the tickets and IDs back and ushers me up to the conveyer belt.  
I take off my shoes and place them in the bin along with my purse and duffle. I pull our Mac out and set it beside my phone.   
After walking through the scanner and placing my shoes back on, I grab my bag and Sam grabs my hand, leading us towards our plane.  
My phone buzzes and I pull it out, seeing I have a text from Dean. I open it and there is only a picture of the kitchen with what looks like applesauce coating the floor, walls, and Cas who is giving Ander the stink eye. The picture is followed by the words parenting is hard.  
I bust out laughing and Sam pulls my phone from my hand.  
“Cas looks like he is going to smite Ander.” He says, laughing as well.  
“It’s been,” I check my watch “One hour and chaos has already erupted.”  
“I would say things are going well then.” Sam snickers, tucking me under his arm.  
We reach the gate and I flop down on a seat, knowing we still have twenty minutes before we board.  
“Who would’ve thought we would end up here?” Sam ponders aloud, sitting down next to me. “I mean, when I met you, I never pictured us going on a honeymoon together.”  
I nod in agreement. “You were the skinniest, lankiest kid I had ever laid eyes on.” I punch his shoulder.  
“Yeah, well you were a klutz.” He retorts.  
“Was not.” I say, even though I know I totally am.  
“You lit my damn shirt on fire while I was wearing it!” He exclaims.   
My mind flashes back to a simple salt and burn I went on with the boys in high school. I was so nervous that I accidently dropped the lighter before I was ready and Sam happened to be in the way. He walked away with only a second-degree burn, but Dean called me hot hands for months afterwards.  
“I still have this.” He lifts up the edge of his shirt and points to a quarter sized darkened area of skin, a scar.  
“Sorry.” What is he getting at?  
“Your hands burn me more than that when you touch me.” He whispers into my ear, letting his shirt fall back down.  
“You’re such a dork.” I say despite my blushing cheeks.  
“I’m your dork.” He wiggles his left hand. “Forever.”


	34. Sam's POV

We’ve been on the island for two whole days now and Cas, Dean, and Ander are joining us in an hour.   
“Sam, these are our last moments of peace. What should we do?” Emma bumps my knee under the table as she sips her coffee.   
“I can think of a few things.” I say slipping my hand under her long shirt, playing with the strings on her bikini.  
“It’s ten in the morning.” She says, batting my hand away.  
“So?”   
“You have way more stamina then me.” She lowers her voice and adds, “We’ve already had sex like ten times.”  
“So?” I repeat.  
“You need to control your horniness.”  
“Well I might be able to if you didn’t look so beautiful.”  
Her skin flushes red and I feel the heat under my hand that has found her thigh again. “Sam.”  
“Okay.” I put my hands up in surrender.   
“Can we just take a walk?” She is already on her feet, meaning this isn’t really a question.  
“Of course.” I take her hand in mine, pressing my thumb into the diamonds on her finger.   
We walk out of the coffee shop and down the street, towards the roar of the waves. Em pulls the sunglasses off her head and puts them on her face. She is wearing my white button down, sleeves rolled up and gray wedge heels (she would be proud I remembered what they are called) that bring the tip of her head up to my chin.  
“Sam,” She starts suddenly. “I need to say something.”  
“Okay.” I hold her hand as she kicks her shoes off before stepping into the sand. I follow her lead and kick off my flip-flops, taking them in my empty hand.  
She turns and faces me, placing her shoes on the ground and her hand on my arm. “I need to thank you.”  
“For what?”  
“For sticking by me, for marrying me, for being mine. We may fight and you may drive me crazy sometimes, but you also make me happy.” She pauses, eyes studying my face. “Thank you for loving me.”  
“Oh Em, there is no need to thank me for living my dream.” I say brushing my lips over hers.  
“We are so freaking sappy.” She giggles as my lips chase after hers.  
“Well Dean isn’t here to complain yet, so it’s alright.”   
She pulls out of my arms and picks up her shoes, taking off across the sand. Her brown curls flying behind her, along with the sand she kicks up. “Catch me if you can.”  
I watch her for a moment before digging my heels into the sand and chasing after her. We both know I will reach her in moments. However, as I am about to grab her arm, she stops. I crash into her and we both fall. I land on top of her and she lets out an ow.  
“Sorry.” I say, pinning her down, but letting my body up a bit.  
“Get off, you’re crushing me.” She puts her hands on my chest and pushes, but I go nowhere.  
“What’s the magic word?” I tease.  
“Stop being a dick.” She tries to glare at me, but I can see the laughter in her eyes.  
“Nope.”  
“Sam, you are the most wonderful man in the whole universe and I love you.” She says sarcastically.  
“Nah.” She wraps her legs around my waist, kisses my lips, and in the second I’m off-guard she twists her hips, causing me to flip onto my back. “What the-?”  
“Gotcha.” She smirks, keeping her knees on either side of my waist and moves her nose to touch mine.  
“If you two want some privacy, we can come back later.” Dean says causing Em to lose her focus. I pin her back beneath me, but smile and stand up, letting her get up as well.  
“Mama!” Ander cries out, fighting Dean’s arms as he reaches out for Em. She takes him and he pushes his face into her chest.  
“How was he?” She asks.  
“Totally fine, he loves hanging out with his favorite uncles.” Dean answers, setting the duffle that was over his shoulder onto the ground.  
“I will take these back to the hotel.” Cas announces, picking up the bag and disappearing and reappearing within two seconds.  
“You weren’t supposed to take the diaper bag, Cas.” Dean replies, shedding his shirt and stretching his arms up.  
“Dean, you are beautiful.” Cas places a finger on his tattoo.  
“Cut the crap and get the bag.” Dean says gruffly, but the tips of his ears are pink.  
“I already did.”  
Cas hands the bag to me and I throw the straps over my right shoulder. I place my left hand on Em’s back and guide her over to an empty space on the white sand.  
“Did you bring any towels?” I ask and Cas shoves a pile that he got from God knows where into my hands.  
I spread them out in the sand, beneath a palm tree I spot a few yards back from the spot I originally picked.  
“Are we going swimming?” Cas asks, excitedly. When Em nods, Cas yanks his black shirt off over his head, leaving him in Dean’s black swim trunks.  
“Here, Cas.” Em hands him a bottle of sunscreen out of Ander’s diaper bag.  
“What is this?”  
“Sunscreen, put it on.”  
Cas opens the lid and pours a giant puddle of it into his hand, slapping it onto his chest. The lotion splatters across and begins to drip down into the sand.  
“That’s not how you do it.” Dean sighs and begins rubbing it into his skin. Cas turns pink as Dean’s hands roam over his body.  
“Kiss!” Em giggles.  
“We better give the people what they want.” Dean tells Cas, placing his lips on his as his hands continue to rub the sunscreen in.  
“Gross.” I comment.   
Em places a quick kiss on my lips to which Dean responds with, “Gross.”  
I feel a tiny, wet hand smacking my arm and I look over to see Ander hitting me. I take him from Em’s arms and he squeals, “Da!”  
“Hey little man, did you have fun with Uncle Dean and Uncle Cas?” I wipe a trail of spit off his chin with the edge of my shirt.  
“Aboo.” Is all he says.  
“That means hell yes in baby.” Dean translates.  
“I’m pretty sure it doesn’t.” I retort.  
“Dean, Sam is right. Ander is only feeling a strong desire to pull Sam’s hair.” The words are barely out of his mouth before Ander has a fistful and yanks, causing my head to tilt toward him.  
“Yeah, that sounds about right.” I reply, detangling my hair from Ander’s sticky hand.  
“Can we please go swimming now?” Dean asks, rubbing sunscreen into Em’s shoulder blades.  
“Sam, can you put this on Ander?” She hands me a bottle of baby sunscreen. “Then we can go.”  
Dean sighs, but makes no move to leave. Cas’ hand brushes up against his and he tangles their fingers together.  
“So when are you two going to get married?” Em asks nonchalantly.  
Dean lets out a cough, which quickly turns into a choke as his face flushes red. Cas reaches out, presumably to heal him, but Dean swats his hand away.   
“That topic has never come up.” Cas answers with a hint of sadness in his voice.  
“Okay.” Em replies, taking the fully lotioned Ander from my arms. She grabs Cas’ arm and pulls him towards the water.  
“Uh Sam, can I talk to you for a second?” Dean asks, scratching the back of his neck like he always does when he gets nervous.  
“Sure, what’s up man?” I pull my shirt over my head and splatter sunscreen over my chest.  
“Do you think I should ask Cas to marry me?”   
I turn so Dean can rub some sunscreen into my back. “Dean, just cause Em brought it up doesn’t mean you have to.”  
“I’ve been thinking about it for a while now.”  
I spin around, catching Dean off guard and he takes a few unsteady steps back in the sand to try to regain his balance. “You what?”  
“Forget I even said anything.” Dean clams up and I know this must be a huge deal for Mr. Hide-His-Feelings to even bring it up.  
“No, continue.”  
“Sam, I love him. Like really love him. Like I want to be with him forever.” Dean looks back to where Cas is toeing the water while Em waits impatiently in it, Ander smacking her arm.  
“Well why don’t you ask him then?” I say, pulling Dean’s attention back to me.  
“Cause I’m scared, alright? What if he says no? What if I’m a shit husband?”  
“Don’t worry, you will be.”  
“Not helping, Sam.”  
“Dean, the man is head over heels in love with you. God, he stares at you like all the damn time and is always talking about you.”  
“I just don’t think I can.”  
I cross my arms. “Dean, you supported me in asking Em, so I am supporting you. Just do it.”  
He bends over and pulls a little box out of Ander’s diaper bag. He opens it and the ring is black, with a weird inscription in some foreign language on the inner part. “It says I love you in Enochian.”  
“How the hell did you figure that out?”  
“I may or may not have held Crowley in a devil’s trap to get him to tell me.”  
I let out a laugh as Dean closes up the box and tucks it away. “Dean, he is going to love it. I promise.”  
Dean turns and heads over to the water. I follow behind him, watching the way he watches Cas splash Ander gently.  
“What was that all about?” Em whispers, turning so Cas and Dean won’t hear.  
“I can’t say, but hopefully you will know soon.”  
With that I sneak up behind Dean, knocking him into the knee-deep water. He falls with a splash, but is on his feet in a second, coming at me. I take off, moving deeper till the water is up to my chest. Dean jumps on my back and pushes me under and for a moment we are just kids goofing around again.  
When I surface, I push my hair out of my eyes and turn around. Em is right behind me, Ander slapping the surface of the water with his arms. His navy hat is soaking wet and his swim trunks with fish on them are beneath the water.  
I slide my hands under his armpits, pulling him out of Em’s grasp. I pull him close to my chest, arm tucked around his body.   
Em swims over and wraps her arms around my neck, pressing her body into my back. One of her hands leaves my shoulder and wanders down my back. She snakes it around to the front of me, passing over my hipbone. The heat of her hand comes nowhere close to the heat I feel inside at her touch.  
“I love you, Sam.” She whispers into my ear.  
“I love you too.” I whisper back.  
She giggles and I feel her hands running through my hair. “What’re you doing?”  
“Nothing.” She giggles again.  
I feel my hair being pulled and twisted. “Are you putting my hair up?”  
“You look sexy.” She argues.  
“Well in that case…” I let my voice trail off and pull her into my chest with my arm that isn’t holding Ander afloat. I kiss her lips as she wraps her arms around my neck. I feel her tongue slide across my bottom lip and I open my mouth, letting her in.  
A squeal and a splash break us apart. Ander beats the water with his little fists, letting out sounds of frustration.  
“What is it little man?” I ask.  
Em takes him, but to no avail. “Ander, settle down. It’s alright.”  
Dean swims over and jumps onto my back. “Nice hair.”  
“Nice hickey.” I retort, flopping back and pushing him under.  
“Bitch.” He pushes me when he surfaces.  
“Jerk.” I splash him back.  
“Abadee.” Ander screams, flailing his arms in front of him.  
“Come here little dude.” Dean says, making his way over to Emma and taking Ander from her. He instantly quiets, latching his arms around Dean’s arm.  
“Guess you two bonded quite well. Sammy and I may be out of a job.” Emma laughs.  
“Nope. No kids for me.” Dean’s face shows laughter, but I see a hit of panic underneath.  
“Cas, come here!” Em calls to the angel who is watching what I assume are fish swimming beside him.  
………  
After spending the entire afternoon swimming, Ander finally calls it quits by screaming on the top of his lungs.  
“Why don’t y’all go have some fun, while I take little man back for a nap.” She says, scooping him up off the towel and packing everything up into his bag.  
“Em, I’ll come with you.” I say taking the bag from her hands.  
“No, it will be boring. Go have fun.” She kisses my cheek.  
“We can make it fun.” I whisper into her ear. Her cheeks turn a bright red. “Em, this is our honeymoon. I’m not spending it without you.”  
“God, just go back and have sex. Cas and I will be fine.” Dean groans, toweling off his hair.  
“I would like to find a coconut.” Cas adds offhandedly.  
“Cas we are going to do something that is actually fun.” Dean slips a shirt over his head as Cas does the same.  
“Like have sex?” He asks simply.  
Dean chokes and his face goes redder than Emma’s. “No, there are other fun things to do.”  
“Okay.” Cas shrugs like this is a perfectly normal conversation to have.


	35. Emma's POV

“I could get used to this life.” I say, lying further back onto Sam. We are sitting on a lounge chair on the back deck of the little bungalow we are renting. Cas is even sitting beside Dean, holding his hand.  
“I love you.” Sam says, his chest rumbling causing my body to shiver a bit. He instinctively wraps his arms around my body, folding his hands over mine on my stomach.   
“I know.” I reply.  
“The stars are bright tonight.” Dean comments offhandedly.  
“Yes they are.” Cas agrees.  
“Just like on our first date.” Dean says softly before standing.  
“Dean, where are you going?” Cas asks as Dean pulls out of his grasp. Cas sits up further and watches Dean kneel down.  
“Oh my gosh.” I murmur.  
“Castiel, you bring hope and love into my life and I want to do the same for you, forever.” He shuffles around a bit and pulls a box out of his cargo jacket, opening it. “Will you marry me?”  
Cas’ face goes white with shock and his mouth drops open. “Dean, you know angels don’t marry. We live for eternity.”  
“Oh, yeah, okay.” Dean closes the box and puts it back into his pocket. He stands up, scratches the back of his neck, and awkwardly stares at Sam.  
“Hey, it’s-“ Sam starts, but Dean cuts him off.  
“It’s fine. I’m just gunna go for a walk.” He says sadly. I can see the pain in his eyes as he fights the tears back down.  
“I’ll go with you.” Cas offers, standing up as well.  
“No thanks, Cas. I need to go alone.” Dean turns and the light of the lamp reflects off a shiny tear on his cheek.  
“Dean, why are you sad?” Cas asks, taking his hand.  
“I wanted to marry you. I want to marry you.” His voice cracks.  
“Oh.”  
“Forget it. Let me go.” He pulls his hand, but Cas doesn’t let go.  
“Dean, I love you.” His voice sounds just as sad.  
“Yeah right.” Dean scoffs.  
“Yes.” He says, reaching his hand into Dean’s pocket.  
“Yes, what?”  
“Yes, I’ll marry you.”  
“But you said-“  
“Dean, I’d give up heaven, angels, and even my grace to spend just another moment with you.” Cas cradles Dean’s face with his hand and presses his lips to his. “Angels may not marry, but they never felt how I feel with you.”  
“Cas, you’re so cheesy.” Dean breathes between kisses.  
“Put the ring on him!” I squeal, unable to contain my excitement anymore.  
Dean opens the box that is in Cas’ hand and pulls the ring out. “Dean, why does that ring say assbutts forever on it?”  
Sam busts out laughing and I bounce up and down with the shaking of his chest.  
“Dammit Crowley.” Dean grumbles. “It was supposed to say I love you.”  
“There.” Cas snaps his fingers and changes the words on the ring. Dean slides it onto his finger and Cas lights up like a Christmas tree.


	36. Emma's POV

I wake to the sound of screams. “Ugh.” I mumble, shoving the pillow over my head.  
“Mama!” Ander continues to wail.  
I drag myself out of bed and pick Ander up from his playpen. “It’s seven in the morning baby, we are on vacation.” I kiss his head. “Sleep is needed.”  
Ander just lets out another cry.  
“Do you want help?” I hear Sam’s sleepy voice come from the bed. I kneel on the floor, placing Ander on the ground and sweeping my hair back into a bun.  
“It’s fine. Go back to sleep.” I smile down at the little face that is smiling back up at me.   
After a diaper change, I grab a jar of applesauce and a mug of coffee. I open the door to the backyard and set Ander down on the lounge chair in my lap.  
“Look at the sun.” I point to where the sun is casting its first rays into the sky above the ocean. Ander grabs the jar and lets out a grunt. “Okay, calm down.” I twist the top off and spoon a bite into his waiting mouth. “Just like your father.”  
“Dada?” Ander says before trying to plunge his hand into the jar.  
“Exactly. He’s a wonderful man, Ander.” Ander nods his head as if in agreement. “You do the same little face scrunching thing he does when you’re confused. It’s adorable, you know?”  
“Yeah I do.” Sam replies behind me, a smirk in his voice.  
“I thought you were sleeping.” I respond, giving Ander another bite.  
“While you two sit out here and talk about me?” He shakes his head and pulls a chair up beside me. Ander reaches for him and Sam pulls him into his lap. “We better put a shirt on you before the ladies see.”  
“He’ll put on a shirt when you do.” I lean over Ander’s head for a good morning kiss.  
“See that’s another thing we both have in common. We are both lady killers.” Sam tells Ander.  
I roll my eyes. “Clearly not seeing as I am still alive.”  
“She’s developed immunity.” He whispers.  
“Yeah, that’s it.” I snicker.  
“How’s my favorite Winchester?” Dean asks, interrupting us.  
“I’m great.” I answer.  
“I was talking to the baby.” He retorts. Cas opens the door and walks out, standing beside Dean. His hair is sticking and his pajamas are disheveled.  
“Cas, what did you do last night?” I ask. “You look like a mess.”  
“I, uh, I did stuff.” He blushes. “With Dean.”  
“Dude.” Dean and Sam say together.  
“I don’t want to know about your sex life.” Sam groans.  
“Yeah, well I know you weren’t keeping it in your pants either.” Dean replies, crossing his arms.  
It’s my turn to blush. “Can we not talk about anyone’s sex life? My son is sitting right there.”  
“Yeah, that’s your issue with this.” Dean smirks.  
“What about the turtles?” Cas interrupts.   
“The hell?” Dean whips his head to look at Cas.  
“I told Cas yesterday that we are going to a turtle farm today.” I answer.  
“She said we can touch them.” Cas smiles. Dean rolls his eyes, but lets Cas grab his hand.  
“Be ready to go in an hour.” I inform everyone.  
Dean and Cas head back into their room, while I pick up Ander and head into mine.  
“I’m going to take a shower if you wanna join.” Sam wiggles his eyebrows.  
“What about Ander?” I ask.  
“Take him over to Cas and Dean’s.” He answers as he pulls his pants off.  
“Yeah, I’m gunna pass on that.” I set Ander down in his playpen and take off my clothes from last night, standing in just my underwear.  
“Have I told you lately how beautiful you are?” Sam asks.  
“Only like everyday.” I roll my eyes. “And you’re only saying it cause I’m almost naked.”  
“Nah, that isn’t the only reason.” He pulls me into his arms, planting a kiss on my lips. I let his tongue in as he runs his hands up and down my back.  
“Sam?” I say softly, breaking our lips apart.  
“Hm?” He mumbles, lips seeking mine.  
“Take a shower, you stink.” I push him back lightly and he lets go, heading into the bathroom.   
“What are we going to do with him?” I ask Ander who is crawling towards Sam’s shoe. I move it before he can shove it into his mouth.  
I pull a black tank top on over my bra and put on olive green shorts. I have actually gotten a slight tan while here.  
“Emma, may I come in?” Cas asks from outside the door.  
“Yeah.” I answer, moving the other shoe as well.  
Cas enters wearing a gray v-neck, khaki shorts, and flip-flops. His hair is semi-tamed and he is holding what appears to be a mint. “What is this?”  
“It’s a mint.”  
“What is that?” He asks holding it up to the light.  
“It’s candy. Put it in your mouth.” Cas does as he is told, putting the entire thing in his mouth.   
“This is gross.”  
“Take the wrapper off first.”  
“The what?”  
“Just give it to me.” He spits it out and I unwrap it, handing him only the candy piece.  
“Oh, that is better.” He replies after sucking for a few moments.   
I pull a gray shirt over Ander’s head and wrestle him into a pair of blue overalls.   
“Congrats on your engagement.” I say after seeing the ring on Cas’ hand, reminding me of last night.  
“Thank you.” He replies, sitting down beside me where I am shoving Ander’s foot into a sandal. “I know he thinks he will not be a good husband, but that is not true.”  
“Dean will make an amazing husband.” I agree.  
“Do you think I will?” Cas asks softly.  
I stop wrestling with Ander and ponder Cas’ words. I have never heard the angel sound unsure of anything. “Cas, you will be the best husband.”  
“But not the best ever.” Sam smirks as he comes out of the bathroom, hair dripping down his bare chest, jeans hanging low on his hips.  
I feel my breath catch in my chest. “No, definitely not ever.”  
“Good to know I still got it after all these years.” Sam ruffles my hair and grabs a shirt off the back of a chair.  
“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” I say innocently. “And we’ve been married for like five days.”  
“Yeah, but I’ve known you a lot longer.” He shrugs. “People change.”  
“Sammy, enough with the deep conversations, let’s roll.” Dean says as he pushes through the door.  
“He was talking about his body.” I correct Dean.  
“Taste this.” Cas pulls the mint out of his mouth and holds it out to Dean.  
“Yeah, that is not going to happen.”  
“Why?”  
“Because it was in your mouth.” Dean sighs and scoops Ander off the ground after I finish putting on his other shoe.  
“You’ve been in my mouth though.” Cas tilts his head, not understanding the difference.  
Dean mutters something unintelligible, as his ears turn pink.  
“Okay let’s go.” Sam looks at me and holds out my sunglasses, swinging the diaper bag over his shoulder.


End file.
